[Advice] I need to move out but feel trapped

You already know the answer, but it sucks to be in your situation. No one asks to be in that kind of situation at that age, but you are responsible for her. No one else to help you take care of her? You leave and something bad happens, you would totally feel guilty and could never live with yourself afterwards.

Sounds like you just need some good friends or someone to talk to. Be strong man, I really do feel for you. Good luck.

 

You should have been better at ball.

 

There's two ways to look at it.

You only have one mom in the world and how much does she mean to you? If she means a lot, bite the bullet and take care of her. Sure she might not appreciate it or maybe she does and you don't know it. At the end of the day, what's more important than family? On the other hand...

If she doesn't mean much to you, move out and take care of yourself. Don't let her be a hindrance to your success. Later in life, you'll look back and wonder why you didn't take care of yourself first and the missed opportunities.

I'm in a similar situation and I chose to take care of my family. Regret it to this day and I'm still stuck taking care of them over ten years later.

Do you live for your family or do you live for yourself?

 

Well definitely don't just bounce on your own mom if you can't figure out a living arrangement for her. If you find a nice place for her to live, then I don't think you should feel bad about leaving unless her disability is really bad and she needs you just to get by.

 

Why is she driving you insane? For all I know you the cray one

 

My mom was disabled, so I know how you feel. Leaving home is different when your parent depends on you. My sister and I both felt guilty for leaving my dad alone with my mom, but in the end it all worked out. Your situation seems different because it sounds like it's just you.

My advice? Slow down, think this through. While you're ready to leave home emotionally, you're not really ready financially. You need to be working on your education or some sort of job training to be able to support yourself (and possibly your mom) long term. In the mean time, you need to work on your relationship with your mom.

Have you talked to her about what she does that's pushing you away? It's time to have an adult relationship with your mom. Kids with disabled parents have to grow up fast. We don't get to have the same mother/son relationship as long as other families. You need to be honest with her that there need to be some changes if you're going to stay around until you get your feet set. The two of you need to plan this transition together. You may need to talk to a social worker or a counsellor to figure all this out.

 

The best advice in my opinion. Sounds as though your mother is at a point in her life where she depends on you now and doesn't realize your needs and your maturity at this point in your life. Sit her down and and talk to her, family is always first in my opinion. Good advice Bejezuz.

 

What exactly is driving you insane?

 

My dad passed of cancer when I was 17. With legal bills and medical bills piled up life insurance didn't go as far as it should have. I remember being in your shoes man. It is hard. I had to work full time at 18 to help cover the mortgage and bills. My mom couldn't cover the mortgage on her own. I couldn't leave her or the family. We barely made enough together to keep the lights on and not get foreclosed on.

We both made a lot of sacrifices so that the family could stay there until we could start getting back on our feet. I wanted to move out so many times. I would browse apartments and make hypothetical apartment budgets but deep down I knew I couldn't leave.

It is time to be a man here (which you are and props) and I know you are stepping up but its not over. This is the hand you and your family were dealt and you have to do the best you can with it. Your mother made a lot of sacrifices for you throughout your life to take care of you. Don't forget that.

I am proud of the sacrifices I made and I sleep well at night knowing I did the right thing. There will be a time in your life where you can be selfish and do you but it doesn't sound like it is here yet. I'm 24 now and I have my own place and I am making decent money at a good job. Life is so much better. My mom has her own house and is financially comfortable and happy. We are pretty close because of the hard times. You will be a stronger person for doing what you are doing. Do the right thing yo.

 

This is great advice, IMO.

Obviously, not knowing what your mom's disabilities are or what your relationship with her is like, I can't say definitively one way or the other that you should stay or leave. But I would suggest being open and honest with your mom and seeing if something can be worked out. The best case scenario, it seems, would be to be able to work out the issues with your mom and stay there to help her and help yourself while you get your own situation under better control.

If nothing can be worked out and if she's genuinely a negative person who's always bringing you down (just throwing that scenario out there since I don't know what the issue is) then maybe it would be best to get a roommate, even if it's someone you don't know. That's tough and is unfair to you as much or moreso than it is to her, but if your mom is that kind of person then you might have to go that route.

 

hey, can't really offer much advice since don't know enough. but you should be proud of yourself for taking the responsibility. years from now, you will look back and no regrets. just be patient. think things through. you are still young.

 

Mr. Miyagi once said, "Patience young grasshopper."

Don't let your impulse take control of you.

Moving out takes a lot of time, patience, and thinking --- a lot of saving too!

I have a friend just like you.

He wanted to move out, so he did.

A few months later, he went back home.

He let his impulse take control of his mindset.

Take it slow and be patient.

 

Stay and help your mother

 

One of my best friends went and is still going through your exact situation. It started when he was 16, he is 28 now. He never says it but I can see he has a sort of resentment towards her since he blames her for ruining his marriage due to her constant butting in. In the end, I don't think you will ever feel right about leaving your mother if she has no one. My friend basically says he is riding this thing out.

 

Take care of your family and those that you love, and when the time is right you too will be taken care of. In ways that you could never imagine. You really do reap what you sow. So your sacrifice and love now will reap benefits and value to you in the future. I know it sounds idealistic and cliché, but I live by it. And so did my dad, his dad, and so forth.

Put family first and you'll never come in last.

 

Don't move out before you're financially prepared.

I wish I would have waited another 6 months to build up a decent emergency fund... Now I just get by hoping my car doesn't break down.

 

You are 19 not 29. Stay home and take care of her. Go to school and save money instead of blowing money on an apartment and other bills.

If you move out your bills will pro be atleast $700 a month with a roommate. Imagine saving up $700 monthly by staying home for a few years and going to school.

 

THIS here. ^ Maybe HE is the one with the disability and he doesn't know it.

K-Low, you know already you're the sole person responsible. There's no way you "need to move out." You don't. Look for a higher-wage paying job, man. Help both yourself and her.

Oh yeah, and,

Spoiler