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[Advice]How should I approach this situation involving a friend?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by IronTexan93, Jun 26, 2015.

  1. IronTexan93

    IronTexan93 Member

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    Me and a friend for these purposes I'll call Chris, have been best friends throughout all of high school. Naturally, I've spent a good amount of time at his house, and I've met all the members of his family, one of whom is his older brother named Andrew. Myself and Chris have chilled with Andrew a few times at Chris's home, and I find him to be a nice guy, however there are some things about him that have seriously concerned me, and I don't know if I should approach him about my concerns.

    Me and my other best friend painfully agreed that Andrew is a loser. I hate myself for even using that term, but I simply don't know how else I can describe the situation. He is about to turn 24 years old, and he:
    • Never kissed a girl
    • Doesn't attempt talking to girls
    • Is very overweight
    • Is currently out of college and isn't very concerned about his future nor does he know what he want's to do in life
    • Stays at home a majority of the day playing videogames and watching Japanese anime
    • Is very kid-like in nature
    • Is socially introverted and will avoid talking to strangers, especially girls

    This pains me, and it isn't because I feel like i'm such some cool douche who can't hang around with lame people, but because I actually wan't him to be happy and succeed in life, and right now he seems to be throwing it away.

    I've only talked to Chris once about this, and he said that he agrees that Andrew's lifestyle isn't healthy, however If I wen't up to Andrew and told him how I felt, he said he would get very offended because he feels content with how he is. And as much as I respect the fact that he feels content, I just don't feel comfortable not trying to help him out. He is at a time in his life where he should be talking to girls and enjoying the most out of his twenties, and he's just wasting it.

    I don't know if anyone's been in a similar situation with a friend or family member, but what should I do about this? Should I continue to let him live the way he does, or should I let him know about my concerns and risk jeopardizing my friendship with him?
     
  2. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    Live and let live, broheim.
     
  3. Mr. Clutch

    Mr. Clutch Contributing Member

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    I think you let him know.

    Not to be mean, but it doesn't look like you lose much if he stops being your friend.

    Sometimes people just need that push.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. FishBulb913

    FishBulb913 Contributing Member

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    You know Swoly-D?
     
    3 people like this.
  5. shastarocket

    shastarocket Contributing Member

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    It's a tough lesson, but the most important part of effective communication is actually having the other person willing to receive the message. Otherwise you just end up with frayed nerves and strained relationships.

    If he's happy, leave him be. If he comes looking for help, do what you can.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Contributing Member

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    Leave him alone and maybe he'll grow out of it.

    I'm guessing he already knows he's fat.
     
  7. HR Dept

    HR Dept Contributing Member

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    Idk... Just leave him alone and do you, I guess.

    Captain save a...
     
  8. RedRedemption

    RedRedemption Contributing Member

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    This is probably the best advice.

    Life ain't a movie. Some people don't want that push.
    He's gotta ask for help first.

    Also sympathize with introverts for a bit. Not everyone wants the party life. If he's happy then he's happy. Not your problem.
     
    #8 RedRedemption, Jun 26, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2015
  9. Mr. Clutch

    Mr. Clutch Contributing Member

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    People said leave him alone to the confederate flag killer...
     
  10. Duncan McDonuts

    Duncan McDonuts Contributing Member

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    ClutchFans isn't the best place for this type of advice. The majority population are neckbeards and exactly the type of person Andrew is, especially that moestavern guy.
     
  11. DrLudicrous

    DrLudicrous Contributing Member

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    Hookers. Lots of hookers.
     
  12. LCAhmed

    LCAhmed Contributing Member

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    Well, I will give you my 100% honest opinion. You care about him, like a brother almost I am sure. You should at least attempt to communicate with him about your concerns. I imagine like most people on here, you are pretty intelligent and seeing as you are close with him and his brother, should approach him in a way that will least likely upset him. Maybe form it into a question about yourself, then ask him about his own ambitions as to offset the underlying motive.

    If after that he still wants to be the way he is, there is only one person who can make him change; Himself. You can only lead a horse to water, you cannot make him drink it.
     
    2 people like this.
  13. Blake

    Blake Contributing Member

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    I don't think how your friend's brother chooses to spend (waste) his life is any of your concern if it isn't hurting you or people you care about.

    Nice that you care but none of your business either
     
  14. conquistador#11

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    don't mean to sound like a douche but to call him a loser without knowing the real issue at hand makes you come off as the loser.
    It could be he has social anxiety prone to panic attacks. A couple of threads have been made about those issues, but I never bothered to post in them because they hit too close to home. But over the years, it's become a badge of honor more than a liability, though I used to turn down game tickets to the rockets, texans and astros all the time because the thought of being surrounded by thousands of strangers on a certain day seemed scary. I do regret that.

    In 2001, coming back to houston for the summer, I stayed inside without setting foot outside til I had to go back. It can get tough, especially not knowing who you can talk to about what is going on inside of you.


    The best solution is to stop judging and get him to open up. Find some things both of you have in common or try to have something in common. Take him to a comic con. A lot of hot freaky chicks go to those, so it's a win win for everyone.

    I know TLDR
     
    2 people like this.
  15. Surfguy

    Surfguy Contributing Member

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    You should talk to his parents about being "enablers". He is 24 and is not doing anything to get on track for a career (no school...no career job prospects) and to move out of his parents' house. His parents are enabling him to sit around all day long playing video games allowing him to not give a darn about anything meaningful. At some point, the parents have to do something and force his hand. Else, he can just live maybe his whole life doing what he is doing now. Does he expect to just live at home until his parents pass on and then inherit the house with enough money to live comfortably for his remaining years? He needs a parental kick in the ass.
     
  16. Svpernaut

    Svpernaut Contributing Member

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    Either you're his friend, or you're not. If you can't accept him for who he is, then you're not a friend. Simple as that.

    The dude enjoys what he enjoys, playing video games and watching anime isn't a bad thing. Just because someone isn't interested in what you're interested in (like women), doesn't mean they are "losers."

    Personally, if it was my friend I'd just come out and ask him if he's happy with his life. If he is, I'd leave it at that with a "that's cool man, was just checking." If he's not, I'd do whatever I could to help him get to the point where he wants to be... but I wouldn't be the least bit surprised that he's completely content with his life.
     
  17. FTW Rockets FTW

    FTW Rockets FTW Contributing Member

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    Firstly, if he is happy the way he is (like you said) then so be it. What makes you happy is certainly not what makes others happy. Different strokes for different folks. Leave him alone

    Secondly, he may have issues that you're not aware of. I say this because I have a 21 year old brother who suffers from mild autism / slight r****dation. He dropped out of school after 10th grade and is just not mature for a 21 year old. He can't hold the conversations other 21 year olds do and he does have some inferiority complex. However, he is very social and very happy as long as you don't ask him what he studied, what he does for work etc.
     
    #17 FTW Rockets FTW, Jun 26, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2015
  18. Yung-T

    Yung-T Member

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    Do you even know he really wants to talk to girls and get a girlfriend asap? Before knowing that it seems a bit silly to push him into a role you don't even know suits him or is what he wants.
     
  19. cardpire

    cardpire Member

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    If you want to help him change, then help him change. Telling someone their "problems" isn't a means of helping. He knows his problems. He's probably depressed and doesn't know what to do.

    Come up with ways to help him directly, or mind ur own biz, as conquistador said.
     
  20. daywalker02

    daywalker02 Member

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    Maybe he is finding himself not through religion but by watching animes, cartoons and playing games....

    Happens.... I think you should talk to him about it once and if he does not accept your pep talk let him be.

    You have a strong desire to change the nature of the people you care about.

    But at the end of the day the guy who is supposed to receive help has to figure it out himself in order to ask for advice and help. There is no other way around it.
     

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