My thought is that cheating on her would be malicious and would cause pain which would probably make her drink more. It is like a parent threatening to not love their child if they won't behave. The consequence is simply so damaging that it isn't productive. But you are right that you can't back down. I think the parent analogy is probably a good place to start; think of what an appropriate response would be for a parent if their child was acting churlish and having behavior problems in school. It should be something that makes her feel like you are disappointed in her and very unhappy with her behavior, not something that makes her feel like you don't love her anymore. Once you think of it, go to her and very calmly and clearly (as though you were speaking to a teenager that was acting out) explain that you decided not to sleep around on her as it would send the wrong message, but that you felt it was important to implement X punishment instead. Tell her that you still love her but are very disappointed that she would do what she did and would lie to you about something important to you. It is important to emphasize how it made you feel inside. It is easy for an addict to rationalize that their behavior didn't "really" have any negative consequences, but when you tell them how much it upset you inside, it is very hard for them to claim it isn't true or rationalize it away. Even after that, it will probably happen again. You will need to do the same thing and escalate the punishment. But the worst thing that can happen is for it to turn into a shouting match or a "me vs. you" D&D type discussion where you both dig your heels in and yell at each other. Eventually, hopefully, she will see that it isn't a rational healthy behavior and that she can't continue to act that way without repercussions and she will try to do something about it. The trick is showing it to her without starting interpersonal combat.
This has actually happened Bingo bango I've literally had the discussion about her lying hurting me 10 plus times. I know it seems silly to say, but she's got a good hear when she's not lying. She just wants to make me happy. But my biggest pet peeve is repeating myself, and I have become the human broken record at this point. Also, my original threat dictated that if she lied to me, I would cheat on her, but would NOT tell her that I did so. The original time(s) I did it were just to inspire fear, without ever having to actually do it, as no proof would be required Now the b**** just seems to be throwing it in my face, like a child who is threatened with time-out but never actually sits in the corner
...yeah like making a threat like that will really win her respect and stop the fighting. You're a douche
No wonder she walks all over him though. He threatens to cheat if she drinks, so she drinks, and he runs to an internet forum and asks if he should cheat! Grow a pair!
It's simple. She needs to go to AA or rehab. Instead of threatening her with cheating, you should threaten to break up with her if she doesn't get help. And if she doesn't then you actually have to break up with her. If you can't do that, then you're the one that needs help (from Al-Anon or therapy) to deal with your probable co-dependency. And forget about the "she pays the bills" and "can't afford it" excuses. "Not being able to afford it" is an absolutely textbook excuse for why spouses stay with addicts, alcoholics, abusers etc. It's not about the money. It's their own co-dependency at work.
rofl man you know what would really prove a point and punish her? go nail a hooker with herpes and then nail your gf and give her herpes and tell her she should have stopped drinking. ...that's what i would do.
Honestly, is sleeping with the Ex a way for you to end the relationship without forcing a clean break and a confrontation? It sounds like you think she's given up and you are thinking about doing the same, though maybe you haven't articulated it to yourself in so many words. If that is the motivation, you might feel better just ending it straight out. Extended death throws of a relationship which has already been mortally wounded are always worse than a "clean death" in my experience. In any case, it sounds like you are in a position with out any easy, pain free solutions.
1) Start saving money/Find a job. 2) Play along with her bull****. 3) Ride out the free ride until she is completely dry, it's obvious she wants you to break it off with her. She feels to guilty to dump you after she told you to move to Dallas. She doesn't want to pay your bills anymore. Don't ever follow a woman, men are natural born leaders.
I have a job. I mean, it sucks ass, but I did mention it in my original post. That's the worst part. I'm working and paying my bills now and I'm still dealing with all this BS
Then. Get. Out. Seriously, there is absolutely NO reason to stay in this relationship. You have nothing good to say about this girl (and even if you did, the stuff she does to you is NOT NORMAL for any relationship.) This is really not a complicated situation at all. The fact you do not know what to do speaks volumes about your dependency on her.
Idiot. lol However, let me give one piece of advice and I mean this sincerely and not as a...knock on you or her....please, please, please, for the love of everything that's good, do not have any children. Your only logical course of action if you want to solve this problem is make her get into AA or some program, and if she won't and won't stick with it, leave her, simple as that. I won't even try to address anything else...
Most definitely you should cheat on her. I wouldn't even call it cheating since she brought it on herself. I did the same thing to my ex-gf when she got cancer. I told her that as soon as it metastasized I'd be banging another chick. And sure enough, the day she went into chemo I was donkey punching this waitress I met a truck stop.
well, i don't blame you. you told her to stop metastasizing but she went ahead and metastasized anyways. ***** totally deserved it.
You might be thinking oh everyone goes through their problems, we're no different. Yes You Are. Thats NOT Normal. Go find one of those plain, ordinary girls out there who you thought was drab and boring. Who is actually a queen and can treat you like a King. Giving you the respect you deserve. Try it, you might actually like it. A girl that, you know, actually wont sent dirty pictures of herself to other people. And actually not lie to making you relocate for minimal gain ruining you financially and stuff. You have to respect yourself first. If I can give a quick Holiday Inn psychologist opinion, both of you with the alcohol connection were drawn together by it. You're probably not as responsible a drinker as you think you are, either. You probably got some deamons you got to work on yourself. Need a more stable environment away from that, if you can actually handle "normalcy". Or you can get engaged on New Years!
Dude, sorry, but your relationship is SO screwed up... For starters, you're cursing about her on this board, and are considering cheating on her to make her solve her drinking problem. You know what you need to do: end the damn relationship. If you're afraid of money, well then that's just something you're gonna have to deal with, but this relationship is obviously destroying you and possibly even her. There is no question, end it right now. Re-read your posts without bias ans ask yourself what you would say to someone who posted what you did.
