In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (d**n, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.." (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap.." (and that would be how....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost.." (But it's "just" a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (....No nuts?) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts!) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (I though that was the point....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (Hmm, go figure!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
damn lawyers!! and the funny thing is that we're so swamped with warnings that no one ever reads them anymore. kinda like car alarms...for a while they worked...but now, when i'm in a parking lot and hear an alarm go off, i assume it's a false alarm and it rarely even turns my head.
You're too nice. I usually hope someone is stealing their car when the alarm goes off. It'd serve them right for using such an obnoxious product.
JERRY: What are you all dressed up for? KRAMER: Oh I ah just came from a meeting with my lawyer. JERRY: Oh yeah, how's that looking? KRAMER: Oh I'll tell you how it's looking. My lawyer Jackie says if there is one coffee drinker on that jury, (in a very high voice) I'm gonna be a rich man. ELAINE: That's despicable. How does he know how all coffee drinkers will vote? I'm a coffee drinker. If I was on that jury I wouldn't give you a nickel Kramer. KRAMER: Yeah, well you wouldn't be on that jury. He would have weeded you out. JERRY: Frankly I'm surprised you're so litigious. KRAMER: Oh I can be quite litigious. ELAINE: What I mean who ever heard of this anyway? Suing a company because there coffee is too hot? Coffee is supposed to be hot.
so the whole lorena bobbitt thing was just a misunderstanding. she hadn't read her chainsaw instructions. d'oh.
