Sometimes divorce is actually BETTER for the kids in certain situations. If parents aren't happy together then the kids won't be happy. Divorced happy parents are better than married miserable parents.
I think the petty (material) divorces as opposed to the abusive/negligent divorces are the ones mentioned previous. Abusive relationships are not a good thing.
What statistics? Education level of the child? Success level of the child later in life? Depression? Happiness? Health? "Statistics" is a pretty broad word.
Mrs. G and I meet with a small group from our church twice a month. Right now we are doing and 8-part series on strengthening marriages. One of the ladies in the group was telling of the amazing things she hears from the friends of her 18YO daughter who come from families of divorced parents. She said that she was shocked at how bitter the kids are... even though she know some of the parents from those families who go to extreme efforts to blend families and all that stuff. It's the kind of stuff the underlies the statistics... This is my second marriage and I had two kids from the first one to go with two from this one. Time to worry? I'm hoping for everyone's sake that it's mostly just high school girl drama....
Can say my parents were less than adequate. Yeah life coulda been better if they were better.....yeah. I'm in another forum where there's a similar topic to this. One opinion I agreed with was we focus hard to attain the knowledge and education going toward our professions, but we dont do that in any way close toward our roles in marriage or parents. Its almost like we just straight wing it and think its innately in us to just be husband, wife, daddy and mom. If one generation breaks the cycle and doesnt provide a good example, it'll quickly spread to the next. Its not like people are gonna stop having kids and not get together. Whether its church or state or anything else doing it, somehow good parent needs to be a vital desired function again. Family values I guess, just not as cheesy. A liberal opinion I have is some women in the US tend to like the bad boys and overlook the good boys. By the time they get out of their round of bad boys, the woman are so scarred up they're damaged goods with excessive baggage. And the good boys are too bitter from getting snubbed over the years to sympathize.
I came from a single parent home. My dad left when I was 1 years old. He left behind 7 kids who turned out pretty good (no criminals or bad people) and have families now. I appreciate what my mother has done for us and can only see the good in this woman. It took me many years but I have since forgiven the man who was my father. The way I see it now is that he missed out. He has since passed. Its hard to be a parent these days. Both the wifey and I appreciate the kiddos and who they are becoming. Its been tough but we have created a home that is stable and that has good values. We arent perfect but we do love each other and especially our kids.
Not to pick on you, fb, but I hear this kind of thing all the time. Especially in the last 9 years or so. Seriously, life is WAY too short to argue with your own flesh and blood about something as ultimately MEANINGLESS as who you’re going to vote for in the next election. I’ve seen it rip otherwise happy families apart and I just don’t understand it. So silly and pointless. My Dad has different political and religious views than I do, and occasionally will get on his soapbox with me and my siblings. About a year ago, I said to him, “Dad…I love you very much….but I’m telling you right now that I’m not going to talk about politics or religion with you….you have your beliefs, I have mine….you’re not going to change mine and I’m not going to change yours…so I’m not even going to go there with you….EVER…. Got it? Now…..what do you think about the Rockets getting Artest?” He got the message loud and clear and since then, it’s never been a problem with me. He still does it to my sisters, only because they are too afraid to tell him straight up (like I did) that they don’t want to talk about it. Occasionally, he’ll copy me on a political email that he sends to my sisters, and I’ll just reply with something like “Dad, good to hear from you! How ‘bout those Rockets! See you soon!”
Well, this is all a sore subject for me. I mean, I grew up with two parents. Were they perfect? Hell no. But I am SO grateful to have them both and I love having the memories of being a complete family. Fast forward to today as I have gone through a divorce with a 5 yr. old son. When he was born, I vowed to myself that he was all my life and I wanted to be the best father ever. Again, I was far from a perfect dad but I have tried. I mean heck, being able to at least say goodnight to him every day was a big deal for me. He was diagnosed with mild autism a couple of years ago and that has been hard on me. Anyway, so as I've posted on here a couple of times, my ex-wife thought starting and maintaining a full on relationship with another married man was the way to deal with whatever fixable issues we had in our marriage. Believe it or not, before I saw just HOW involved they got, I was telling her she made a mistake but we can work it out, especially for his sake and be netter for it. Well, she was hell bent to still be with the guy. I did A LOT of reading up on the subject of children of a split home and it just plain scares me. I now feel like a "side dish" of sorts in my son's life and it's not fun. I wrote more than I intended, but I guess the point was I agree with the original poster. It's heartbreaking knowing my son will not have the same family life I had growing up, especially since the same man (who didn't care enough about his own children to not break apart his and someone else's families) is more involved in my son's day to day life than me, his dad.
Whatever you do, just stay involved. Dont ever give in to the thought that some other man is taking over.
Yea, I keep reminding myself that all the time - that I'M his father and nothing will ever change that. When I have him, I just try to show him as much love as I can and I still live my life daily with him as a priority. I know a lot of parents feel this way, but i would sacrifice anything for his happiness and well-being and I hope in the long run he realizes that. That's all I can do.
As a parent, I can tell you that ever single decision I make, I second guess, I third guess...and I worry about whether I made the right choice. Punishment of your kids is necessary and FRICKEN hard, even taking away video game privildges for a day because my two boys fought over which game to play etc..... You know you are hurting them, and it hurts you, but you hope that they learn to respect each other, and others, that is the goal. And then you have the days where you are at the grandparents house for dinner with all their friends, and your boys are saying "Yes sir, and Yes mam" to everyone.....and the neighbors of their grandparents take you aside and tell you how wonderful your kids are, and how polite, and how you are doing it right....just makes it all worth while. I love my kids.....fiercly would do anything for them......and I come from a broken home, where my parents married, divorced, both remarried, then divorced and married each other back again, then divorced, then got remarried. I am committed to this rollar coaster.....for my kids, and my sanity. GO PARENTS !!! DD
This thread is not about flaunting a two-parent, one-marriage system. My parents got a divorce when I was 12. But, as bitter as they were with each other, they still made every effort to be great parents towards me and my siblings. My mom absolutely struggled to make ends meet, and my dad, who was doing better financially made sure that he visited us, no matter what the situation, often. Now, both of my parents are happily remarried. It took me a while to get used to seeing my parents with other people, but now, I am grateful to have two new step-parents in my life (even though I am grown and never really lived with either of them for very long). I'm not in any way, saying, "Hooray for a one family system!It's so much better and breeds much better children!" What I am saying is that we need to give it up for the great parents out there. Whether it be a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet just so her child has a chance, or it be a two-parent-never-divorced close-knit family, or a divorced family that still looks after their kids, I'm just saying, I feel that parents often go unappreciated until it's too late or until you have some sort of extremely bad parenting flaunted in front of your face.
My parents divorced when I was like 2. I have no memory of them ever being together. It was my Dad’s fault, but my Mom never said a bad word about him the entire time I was growing up (even though she had plenty of reason to). I’ve always admired her for that. My Dad was always in my life. My Mom remarried when I was in the 5th grade to a great guy she’s still married to. He was always the perfect step-father, never overstepping his bounds but always being there if I needed him. He still is today. Remember, “Father” isn’t just a noun, it’s a verb. As long as you keep on fathering your son, you will always be his Father and he will never forget that, no matter what this other guy does for him. Trust me on that. I hate seeing crappy parents who don’t give a crap about their kids. Makes me sick to my stomach watching the news and seeing a guy drive his car full of children into a bayou, a mom drowning her own children in a bathtub, people “forgetting” their kids and leaving them to fry in a hot car…meanwhile I would literally give my LIFE to have my daughter back. I’m really struggling with why such scummy people are able to have so many healthy children that they have no intention of taking care of, meanwhile…forget it, I don’t even want to go there today.
One big cheer for those that raised us well! I'm lucky... my parents are some of the best people you'd ever want to meet/know. No, they're not perfect, but it's taken me a lifetime to realize it, and it's still hard to remember that they're just human like everyone else. As a parent myself, I strive to be for my children what they have been for me and my sister. It is daunting but inspiring. Perfection is ever elusive and subjective, and striving for it can be overwhelming, but I remind myself that life is not always easy, and re-set my eyes on doing the best I can, using their example as a goal for how I want to be for my own kids. I'm not always sure that the decisions my wife and I make are the right ones, I can only say that if I keep my eyes on this goal that I will have done what I thought would make the family a happy one... and my parents are my foundation for making that happen. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
My parents got pregnant and got married. They then had four more children after the first one. In many ways they are polar opposites of each other. They are still married, 33 years later. Being married now myself, with a kid and another on the way, I am just plain amazed. I really don't even know what to say more than that. ============== Finalsbound: My mom and a good deal of my extended family on her side are religious nuts. I don't agree with much of their politics, and I can't stand their bigotry. Much like ima, though, my mom has kind of laid off on the preaching and trying to "guilt" me into doing things her way. However, my cousin with similar family drama just can't let it go and argues, in much the same way as you mentioned, with his parents all the time. I don't think one way is better than the other - Ima may think these things not important enough to be worth arguing over. But there is nothing wrong with convicitons, and acting upon them in turn, IMO. I gave up arguing with my family loonies because I know I'm not going to change their mind - all it does is make me bitter (er). But it's certainly understandable that some arguments are meant to happen and that some comments just can't be ignored.
Don't get me wrong - I still have my convictions and hold them dearly. But I also believe in choosing your battles, you know?
Certainly. I guess what I was trying to convey was that making said "choice" differs from person to person, and topic to topic.
*shrugs* Divorce isn't necessarily a bad thing. My parents have been married for 20 years or so, but they really should have divorced each other 10 to 15 years ago - why they stick together is something I don't understand, but the result is that they're miserable and unhappy, with the result being that I've been completely traumatized about the idea of starting a family. I've kind of had a weird and depressing relationship with my parents - I guess they love me, and as far as I can tell my father puts a lot of pressure on me to do what he could have done. But my parents and my younger siblings (one who could potentially be a high school dropout at the rate things are going) all despise each other and fight with each other a lot, and I guess I'm just sick of it at this point. Frankly, I really don't feel much of an emotional link to them anymore, as I guess I'm tired of them fighting all the time.
