i didnt really read anything in this thread, but im pretty sure that the answer to all of this is... holden sweetheart, you're gay ninja poo will show you the ropes. anyway ill read what all of this is about later.
For a long time have I watched you. Always looking away, to the future hmph, to the horizon hmph. Never you mind on where you were, what you were doing <pokes Holden with walking stick>.
How bout this, has anybody looked in the mirror before goin somewhere and you think your lookin sharp, but then, you look again when you get there and your all messed up?? What the??? I don't remember if I ever thought thoughts like Holden though. Probably back in the day but I got over it because I went out more, took up a team sport in school, and kept my time to occupied to worry about stuff like this.
Holden, There's a book I'd really recomend for you (though not for almost anybody else). Its basically the ramblings of 60's hippie psychology professor Richard Alpert who transmogrified himself into Hindu-NewAge guy Ram Dass. It's called "Be Here Now". Your post just seems to call out for the somewhat arcane sense of balance that this book would seem to provide to one such as yourself. You speak of contimplating life so much that it makes you uneasy... This sort of remindes me of the estatic states achieved through fasting and contimplation by shaman types worldwide. Ultimately these states, while appearing to have some sort of significance, are simply cognative illusions and dead ends. I don't think that there's really any real benifit that can come from such thoughts.
