2012 Election humor- (every post must have picture or joke)

cartoons, memes, jokes, etc... -keep it funny!

 

What's the difference between Jew/Christian war-mongers and Muslim war-mongers?

Jews and Christians kill for profit.
Muslims kill for Prophet.

 

Why should you always take two Republicans fishing with you?

If you take only one, he'll smoke all your pot, but if you take two, they won't smoke any.

---------------------(a couple of old ones still funny to me)

"I recently asked my neighbors' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be a President.
Both parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed with pride.

'Wow...what a worthy ...goal.' I...... told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're a President to do that! You can come over to my house to mow the lawn, pull weeds, trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me."
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George Bush and Condi Rice go fishing and find themselves on opposite sides of the lake. Condi yells over to George, "Hey, how do I get to the other side of the lake?" George yells back, "You are on the other side of the lake."
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Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua. But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker
standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached
her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton .

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.

He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"

And he'd yell back,"Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany Bill on his jog. As they
neared the corner, Bill realized the hooker would bark her $50 offer. Sure enough, there she was! Bill tried to avoid her eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five bucks!?"