Sorry you didn't get your storybook ending... the good news is you started a new chapter in the book! I wouldn't say you lost the friendship either. There may be some awkward moments the next time yall talk, but it also may make you better friend if you can get past those. It's always nice to know where you stand with other people, even if it isn't exactly where you expected to be.
It sounds like you have a great attitude about it. I'm happy to hear that things are going well for you. That probably helps as well. It's always easier to take those kinds of blows when everything else in your life is going well, and puts it in perspective. You seem to be happy living in the present, so you don't need to be upset about the past. Good for you, man.
Holy crap, man. Was this the one that you went through all of the counseling with, etc? If so, I cannot believe she was that cold to be able to go through it like she did. Wait a minute, yes I can. She's a woman. Carry on.
You seem like a good writer, Deji. You might be introverted and pasty, but those aren't major life crippling issues. It makes things hard and complicated to invest a lot of time and emotion into one big event that decides the ultimate fate of your life. That kind of rollercoaster ride becomes tiring and sometimes heart numbing, but we're fooled by Hollywood romance into thinking that is the way to live, and if you've never had that "moment", then you haven't lived. The question after the ride is how long will your next break from life be? Another year or two? One month? That is not necessary. No girl you're friendly with, not even the most prettiest in Tel Aviv should do that to you. Step back a little and you'll realize that you are selling yourself short. You built a good friendship, and honestly, while she might not have known who you truly were, you didn't know who she was either. All she knew about you was how you presented yourself, and in a time of need or loneliness, a lot of us (me included) has a tendency to put others in a position to pull us out of quicksand. I'm guessing a lot of the heartache is from your expectations, a subtle snowball from past relationships, and also from the worry of what else you have left to live in a notion of a "human" life now that the movie script is over. It does not need to sound that depressing. 2007 was a year of change from you. Nothing should be worse than the year you put yourself in self-exile. You started on a path to living a life you want, and you decided you wanted a relationship beyond what was pleasant or comfortable. Now you have to decide whether you want to stay pasty and out of league, whether you don't want to meet other girls, or not make new friends who might know the 2nd hottest girl in Tel Aviv.... Don't beat yourself over little slip ups. If you slip up enough, then you will forget about them and be yourself. That might be the difference between shrugging off rejection and rejecting others.
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vZUpfTzHgGo&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vZUpfTzHgGo&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>
Good One Next Move .. . goto the coffee house. .and act like it didn't happen start asking about some other chick that works there J/K . . .going alone with the worse advice line Ole boy kind of set him up for the Fall There is being brave . .and there is being . . uhm. . . foolish Rocket River
sorry to hear about your depression for so long the past year.....i've seen a lot of your posts but never would have guessed so maybe taking a few short trips to some places outside tel-aviv would help.....like going over to jerusalem or haifa for a weekend....if you have some buddies you can make a trip of it and check out the nightlife/beaches, etc.......a change of scenery and meeting some new chicks in another place can be a good thing.. and i think there were a few posts recommending that you try to apologize or explain yourself to this girl at the bar, but i really don't agree with this at all.....b/c you haven't really done anything wrong at all....you told her you're in love with her.....if that makes her feel uncomfortable or she can't handle the truth than that's her problem.....she has already known that you've been have a rough time of it the past year so if anything she should have been more sensitive to you....if she really considered you as her friend like she said, then she should be the one apologizing IMO.... there's surely plenty of other great chicks in israel to catch and with time you'll find em.....and if not in tel-aviv then just try another place....but you gotta get out of your house.....you gotta wake up every morning and push yourself to make changes from your current lifestyle.... if you have to, re-open this thread every couple weeks and let us know what progress you're making....the posters here will surely taunt and whip you back into shape in no time
I agree, from what you have told us it does not sound like you have done anything wrong, so why would you need to apologize?
Sorry to hear about that Deji and I can sympathize. On New Years I went to a party with a former GF and crashed at her place. We didn't have sex but I realize I've still got some deep feelings for her but I know that she doesn't want to get back together. What I've been thinking the past few days is that for me and many other guys is that we can handle physical pain well but don't deal sometime with emotional pain. The problem is like building up your muscles or your endurance you have to deal with pain to make yourself stronger. While it sucks that things have gone badly for you in romance you have to take that pain and use it to make you better
Sorry you didn't get the girl.. however you seem like a really good writer/story teller. I actually enjoyed your novel-like writing.
Girls love confidence, followed by success. If you have neither, take up smoking or hang out with Fatty.
Whats your timeline for this? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? I was just friends with my wife for 3 months. Never flirted with her whatsoever, not even a hug or any sort of physical contact. Told her I liked her, and been together since.
OK, I just re-read the original post and a few things jumped out at me. Sounds like you may have deeper problems than getting rejected by a chick you hardly know. Hmmm, not the best way to endear yourself to a chick you are trying to get to know better... That sounds like great material for a blues record, but did you actually apologize to her? Again, this is great material for movies/songs, but in real life it's kind of odd to be "in love" with someone you hardly know. Especially if you're 33 years old... Good thinking. What does the fact that it's NYE have to do with anything? Why does that change anything you said above? Again, good thinking. What cycle? Man, that would seriously creep me out. No offense man, but if I were her, some drunk musician who I occasionally make small-talk with pulling me outside and professing his love for me would actually scare the crap out of me. Hello, Stalker. I'm not trying to be a smartass or anything, but you sound like you may have a drinking problem along with being depressed. Not a good combination. You should probably get some kind of help before you let the "rejection and heartbreak" of a chick you hardly know push you over the edge.
I don't think that ever works, maybe in movies. It's not fair to the girl to put her under all that pressure.
Exactly, you're giving her no bridge at all to cross. I mean did you really expect the relationship to go from simple small talk to a passionate romance without anything in between? You should have at least gotten to know her a little better before you made a move.
