2 weeks away - Advice needed for this father-to-be

Advice:

Sleep training: my daughter took to sleep training at 11 weeks old. My son took 7 months. Not sleepign throught night for 7 months is pure hell. Try to be firm, stick with the plan. Daughter cried for 40 minutes the first night we tried the sleep training, 20 minutes the next night, 5 minutes the third night, and less than 1 minute after that. By the end of the first week, no more than 15 seconds of crying. It's hard to listen to them cry, order your wife out of the house to take a walk. You'll be amazed at how much better things are when you're able to sleep.

Digital camera: get one, get memory cards, shoot indiscrimanantly.

Car seat: get one installed now, if you haven't already. Never know when baby will arrive.

 

Congrats, Drewdog. Home everything comes out okay. Literally.





bookmarks this thread for later next year

 

note: My wife and I have two kids

1. IMHO, changing diapers and waking up in the middle of the night has not been nearly as unpleasant as I thought it would. Don't be too worried about that. Get a Diaper Genie (if you don't already have one). Best invention ever made.
   
   The time that your kids spend as a baby goes by VERY quickly. Take lots of pics and video, because before you know it, they're not a baby any more - they're a kid. The short "baby" years are much easier than the "kid" years.
   
   The "kid" time goes by slower, and this is more difficult. A baby doesn't have many scheduling demands: eat at this time, sleep at that time. That's easy. When they become a kid, they have to wake at a certain time for school, they get home at a certain time. They still have to eat at a certain time. They have schedules for schoolwork, ballet class, sports practice, cheerleading camp, girl/boy scouts, etc..
   
   Also, teaching a baby to walk is very easy compared to the many things that you will have to teach them once they are a kid.
   
2. You will always be worried (in a sense) for years to come. The tough part of raising a kid is the thresholds you teach them:
   You want the kid to push their boundaries and know no limits to what they can do... but the kid must also learn that he/she must obey mommy and daddy, and (later) the police, and their boss.
   You want to be there to give them the love they need when they're hurt or sad, but you don't want to coddle them and turn them into a momma's boy.
   You don't want them to be a bully, but you want them to be able to fight for themselves.
   You want them to have fun and enjoy their childhood, but you also want them to learn how to work hard.
   You want them to learn to have an aggressive personality, but not in a harmful way.
   You want to teach them morales, but morales can also be interpreted as prejudice and you don't want to teach your kid prejudice.
   
   It's in those areas that you will find the most difficulty in raising a child.
   
   
3. What if you're a horrible father? You have control over this. You will be whatever kind of father you choose to be. Some fathers are very involved in the lives of their children. Some aren't at all. That's entirely up to you. You will find that you will reflect on how your parents raised you and (hopefully) you will make improvements and changes to their methods.
   
   You'll also find that the more involved you are with them, the more of yourself you must sacrifice. The time you previously spent on your own interests will need to be channeled into spending time with the kids (if that's what you choose). You can choose to spend your time with the kid on a baseball field, or you can find someone/something else to occupy the kid's time while you get to watch TV (or do whatever you like to do). That's your choice. And it will be a difficult choice. And it will be a choice you will have to make over and over again for many years.
   
   
4. Will you ever play golf or drink a beer with friends again? This greatly depends on your relationship with your wife. I can't answer this one completely because every marriage is different. My general answer is: probably not.
   
   Oh sure, it's possible to do those things..... but you won't. Or, more accurately, you won't do them very often, and when you do do them it'll be different. It used to be that I could casually and spontaneously join my friends or co-workers after work for some drinks or to shoot pool. Now, I must be home to have dinner with the family. Sure, it's still possible for me to do the happy hour, but in order to do so, I have to make sure that the wife and kids are going to be okay (your single friends will make fun of you for calling home to "get permission" to go out with them).
   
   And after a while of this, even when you go out with them, you'll probably be thinking, "ya know what? This isn't me any more. I'm just not as interested in this as I used to be."
   
   Again, everybody's different and I could be wrong. This is just my experience.
   
   
5. I was completely fearless until I became a parent.
   
   I didn't care about income...job...home....possessions...health...security... future.... I didn't fear any of them. Now, with children, those scare the hell outa me.

One last note, YOU MUST GET THESE BOOKS, and we got some of 'em for free from our insurance agent:

    Mayo Clinic Complete Book of Pregnancy & Baby's First Year

    American Pediatrics Assoc. - Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Revised Edition: Birth to Age 5

    American Pediatrics Assoc. - Caring for Your School Age Child: Ages 5-12

If you find yourself wondering about the child's health or development, look 'em up in those books.

 

Few other pointers...

Start buying diapers & formula (if not breastfeeding) now. If you don't have at least the first month stocked up, you're way behind.

Start a routine early. Most will say around 6 weeks. We started at 4 weeks due to colic (pray that you don't have to deal with this living nightmare). It helps with the day/night transition.

Yes, the "4 am drive around the block" and the "car seat on the dryer" tricks do work.

Most importantly, take advice with a grain of salt. ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT. Just because you slept through the night as a newborn doesn't mean your kid will. Just because your wife's friend's cousin's sister-in-law's kid was walking at 9 months does not mean yours will.

 

Oh... forgot to mention....

After your wife delivers the baby, she will have to deliver the placenta. DO NOT WATCH THIS.

Watch that cute little crying baby. Do not let your curious eyes wander over to your wife's delivery of the placenta.

don't do it.

Just don't.

You've been warned.

 

congratulations

I pray your child is blessed with good health.

Advice. Don't use baby talk.

When they start asking questions tell them the truth(age appropriate of course)

Whenever you don't know the answer take it as a challenge to find out something new. Your kid needs to see your humanity.

Daddy ain't perfect but I will do anything for my little one.

 

Train your kid to sleep with noise so they will be more flexible when you are out and about. My child can sleep anywhere, anytime.

The only other advice I have is be flexible. Not all things work for your baby. Don't compare your kid to others.

 

Just had my first back in June and it has been awesome. I understand your worries all too well, but trust that it will all be fine. The one thing to remember, too, is that every kid is different. I heard about all the horror stories of never sleeping, and my kid was sleeping through the night after 1 month. You never know what you are going to get, but you do know that you'll love that kid more than anything no matter what happens.

The best advice I can give is also probably the thing I struggle with the most. Don't stress out over everything and just enjoy your kid as much as you can. Spend as much time with your kid as possible and remember that you work to support your family, but being there for your kid is much more important than spending 12 hours a day at work. Before you know it he/she will be grown up giving you attitude!

 

You rock!

 

for some reason, y'all's responses are putting tears in my eyes. i guess i'm really impressed with my fellow cluthfans. your answers are so candid coming from guys. based on y'all's responses, we'll have a good generation of Rockets fans coming up!

i just got married last month and my sister is in the early stages of preparing for pregnancy so this is all so real for me.

 

Take too many pictures. They will be one of your greatest sources of happiness later in your life.

Give your kid too many kisses. Tell them you love them too many times. Don't feel guilty about doing these in excess.

Always remember that your kid is the most beautiful child in the world. How do I know this...because my kids look far better than yours and everyone else's.

After going through child birth, place your wife on the pedestal that she deserves. I cannot accurately compare, but I'm sure a blast to the nads is nothing like child birth. For this reason, my wife is my pain tolerance hero.

While in the hospital, talk to the nurses...tell them all of your questions and fears...ask for permission to call them in the middle of the night for advice. They'll say they are always there...but keep in mind, you will probably never need to call them.

Have fun. You are about to receive the greatest "toy" you'll ever know. Congrats and good luck!

 

Very important:

Tape your kids right hand to his right leg. This will force him to use his left hand. Left handed pitchers are in much more demand, thus allowing you to retire at a much earlier age. Also, it's never to early to start using hgh and weight training.

 

If a man is truly a man, he'd be brought to his knees by his child telling him "I love you" for the very first time.

 

Kids are very forgiving. If you mess up with them, just own up to it and rectify the situation. They really want to love you and be loved by you.

Oh, and kids don't remember hardly anything when they're really young. So don't shy away from thumping their torsos firmly to get that gas out. Mylecon drops only go so far.

 

can't wait!!! few more years...

 

My son was born on December 14th, 2000. Yours and mine are going to have similar birthdays.

Mine's about to be 7 years old.

I blinked, and it happened, overnight.

They grow up way too fast.

One thing which was a nice benefit of having a newborn over Christmas was the fact that we had hung twinkling and blinking Christmas lights inside the house, on the tree, etc. He was fascinated by the colorful blinking lights, and it actually made things generally easier when he would have a sleepless night. I would hang a few now, if you haven't already.

As for everything else, no matter how icky or scary a lot of this is going to seem, always take a step back and realize how special this time is, and enjoy it. Most of all, remember it. It'll be over quicker than you realize.

Never be shy about showing your love and affection for your child. Lots of holding, curling up together to watch Barney, always make sure to give (and get) lots of hugs and kisses. Shower the praise. Babies make eye contact very early, so your face will be one of the things which make up his entire world, so always have a bright smile - never yell, and no matter how irritated you may be at having to change yet another stinky diaper, never show anger or disgust; it's not like he can help it.

Once he starts to laugh at the things you do, like peek-a-boo, or tickling his toes, you will discover that it is the most wonderful sound in the world, and you cannot ever get enough.

Understand your priorities: drinking and golfing and acting like someone who is NOT a Daddy are priorities which MUST move much further down your list. The good thing is, as much as you may be thinking that you will miss those things, as soon as you hold that fragile little person in your arms, as soon as you realize that he is your own flesh, he is your legacy, he is that part of you which will live on in the future, when you realize that this utterly helpless and beautiful and trusting little thing is completely dependent upon you, that bond will be there. It will feel great, and you are not going to have the problems with your priorities that you worry you might. After things settle down a bit, a few months in, you may find yourself able to steal some time for other things like that, but believe me, they won't seem nearly as important to you as you think they will.

Anyway, I envy you. Savor every moment of it, and that will carry you and give you strength you never knew you had.

 

I agree. You'll be fine.

It really comes naturally because you love your baby... and the glider facing the TV idea is a must!

Hey, Nero.. my first was born November 3, 1999... and he's eight -over night- you're soooo right!

 

My son goes to bed @ 630pm. Best thing we ever did was establish this as his bedtime and never change it.

Also, feed the kiddo on a schedule, not just when he/she is hungry. It can be a mistake to only feed them when they are hungry. This means waking them up to feed them.

Last, it's never too early to teach them the word "no". Teach them that early and when they get to an understanding age, teach them the consequences of not respecting "no".

Good luck!

PS - Don't worry about whether you will be a good parent. Most of it is common sense. Unless you are a dip****, you'll do great!

 

I love the name!

I don't have any kids but since I have a 7 year old sister and have been around for most of my cousin's childhoods, I've noticed a few things

Don't compare her to others! There are similarities, of course, but like someone posted before me, babies are different. Some are just more fussy than others.

Also, don't be scared because she's screaming and crying. You don't have to give in to everything she says or wants,especially when she reaches 2-3 years. The worst is a spoiled baby. Daddy's little girl is great but you don't want a brat.

Have fun and congrats! You'll do great