Leave it to you guys to pull up some old threads. I don't have issues, it's just that I found out how crazy she was after she got pregnant, and then all hell broke loose. Anyway, it doesn't change the fact that I'm being totally screwed for no particular reason, and there's nothing I can do about it.
There are things you can do about it. You state that your paternity has not been established. I am assuming that you were not married when she became pregnant. Until your paternity is established, you have no legal rights to the child. There are many good reasons for this. You have to establish paternity in order to get any rights. Regardless of what problem you face in life, if you take the position that there is nothing you can do about it, then your self-fulfilling prophecy will come true. As an aside, the reason why things are so mother sided in child disputes is twofold: 1. As a general rule, mothers are MUCH better at caring for a small child. 2. You don't ever see enforcement actions against a mother. They seldom will fail to care for the child. Enforcement actions against fathers happen all the time. I never really knew how many deadbeat dads there were until I started practicing law. I have been in a practice that has a family law side for 18 months. I can only imagine how a judge who has been doing nothing but family law cases must view the world.
Are you on the birth certificate? Have you been paying child support? I agree, that your situation appears to really suck, but it appears you knew there may have been issues before the child was born. Did you take any steps during the pregnancy to try and avoid your current situation. Obviously hindsight is 20-20, but if you attempted to do something (and have been paying child support), then your chances at recourse are much better. Unfortunately, you need some sort of legal representation to get help in this matter, but as others have mentioned, there are avenues to help low income folks pursue these sorts of things. I know of at least one low income male in Texas that was able to find low (or no) cost legal help in his fight to retain custody rights.
Damn, I totallly was about to do this, had you not done it several hours earlier. And I consider it pathetic that I was enthused about doing such, momentarily.
Well, I got served another restraining order at my work on Friday. Now I have to be in Colorado Springs on Tuesday, just like that, or whatever b.s. my ex-girlfriend is making up will hold as valid and whatever she's asking for, she'll get. Oh, it doesn't matter if I am too broke to pay my bills, but I'm going to have to sell any personal possessions I have left of value to make the trip. She likely won't even be there, but if I don't show up, I'm sure the corrupt courts will not allow me to see my son again for another two years at least, if ever. My son was kidnapped from me for no reason, and no government agency cares the least about it, and they are going out of their way to take my son's father away from him for no reason. I've lost any respect I had for the government of this pathetic nation, not to mention any faith in any sort of spiritual matters. If you disagree and believe the system isn't horribly broken, you're wrong.
Not knowing the details of your situation and not wanting to be a jerk, but knowing that you will hate me for asking this: Are you sure everything is always everyone else's fault?
I don't recall ever saying that I believed everything is always somebody else's fault. I'm just saying that I'm being completely wronged for no valid reason, that justice is a commodity that can be bought and sold to the highest bidder, that the family law courts are strictly designed to get money from fathers, and does nothing to protect the rights of fathers, or protect the rights of children to have their fathers in their lives. It's completely messed up, I had no idea before it happened to me.
Apart from just not being able to afford legal services, there is the matter of figuring out where she is going to be when she has a new address at least every six months. She has an endless supply of monetary resources and she is on the run. I will check out those legal resources, I just found out she's living in Colorado now, maybe I'll have more luck there than in Texas.
If you have never gotten paternity established, you are not legally the child's father. Several posters have recommended that you get paternity established. Until you do so, a mother has taken her child with her when she moved. How exactly is a mother taking her child when there is no legally established father kidnapping? In child custody/support cases, 9.5 times out of 10 it goes a little something like this: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl get a little frisky. Boy deposits sperm and leaves. Girl has a baby. Boy does nothing to support the child, stating that "I shouldn't have to pay that b**** anything." Meanwhile girl has a tough time ekeing out a living, and having to pay for very expensive child care so she can work at all. I have seen this scenario a zillion times watching my partner with his clients. It is sad. The judiciary has an entire docket weekly dedicated to nothing but fathers who refuse to pay child support. The judges see this over and over again. Generally, it is the mother who gets jerked around. If your paternity were legally established, the judge would enter an order regarding paternity, visitation and support. I have seen cases where a mother denied the ordered visitation, and the judge told her that if she did so again, she would be in contempt and subject to jail time. It is a two way street, but the overwhelming majority of the time, it is fathers shirking their responsibility.
I could care less about any particular legal definitions. All I know is that she has skipped town with my son like a thief in the night when we were still "together" twice for no apparent reason. She has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and it has really gotten out of hand. All I'm telling you what is real and what it feels like from my perspective. It's worse than kidnapping, because when your child is kidnapped, authorities can put out an all points bulletin and gather all the resources necessary to find the missing child. In my case the authorities are working against me. I have supported my child when I was with my child, but now I have no idea where I would even send child support if I could. I welcome the opportunity to support my child. My son's mother receives $3500 in trust from her wealthy daddy, as well as profits from her online business. I would gladly do my part, but she doesn't need my money, and she is crazy and has no morals. All of this didn't really come to fruition until after we found out she was pregnant. Then all hell broke loose.... If you have never had your child taken from you, I would not expect you to understand. You definitely don't seem to...
Unfortunately, when you father a child and are not married, you have to establish paternity to have any rights. If this were not the case, what would keep any guy from claiming paternity and holding the woman hostage to his whims? Again, this wouldn't be the case if you took the steps to establish paternity. Railing against the system isn't going to help you. Working within the system is the only way to get relief and make your situation better. Look man, I know your situation sucks. I know that you are frustrated. I have made several posts giving you some basic information to point you in the right direction to try to resolve this. I apologize if I sound harsh or detached. In my practice, I have to be very analytical about situations. People who come to see me are losing their homes and/or vehicles. Not the same as a child, but emotional nonetheless. If I wasn't detached, I could not do my job effectively. To sum it all up...you need to get a lawyer. You need to establish paternity. That is the only way that you can take your rights.
is she really schizophrenic? my best friend growing up was originally in custody with his mother after his parents got divorced. she was a manic depressive paranoid schizophrenic. if she took her meds she was ok but she wouldn't take them. eventually he ended up back with his dad and to make a long story short she has been in and out of institutions since. man i remember she would call my house all the freaking time just to try to get a hold of my friend/her son after she lost custody. one of my other friends had to get his number changed because she would call so often and just talk forever. if you have ever had a conversation with a schizophrenic person then you know what i am talking about. anyhow...back to your story....get free legal advice ASAP.
HE IS NOT YOUR SON, legally speaking, UNTIL YOU ESTABLISH PATERNITY. Stop b****ing at everyone and and go do something about that fact.
My father always used to say to me, 'If there's something you don't like about the world, then change yourself.' Those words have helped me tremendously many times in life when things looked stuck and without recourse, and I have come to understand them differently each time. It doesn't mean that you are necessarily wrong, but remember, YOU are the only one you have any control over. Stop banging your head against a door that won't open and improve your situation physically, financially, emotionally before trying again to regain contact with your child. Rather than focusing on getting him back, try to make yourself as good a parent you could be so that when that point happens it won't have been for naught. Every year we get older we learn how ignorant we were the previous year, so try to look forward and see yourself as an old man looking back on your present self, and change what you would have wished you could have changed because you have that opportunity now.
Why are you getting served with restraining order(s)? You say you don't even know where she is or how to contact her so what is she restraining you from?
I'm not b****ing at everyone. I'm just relaying some information, and getting some advice. Please stop b****ing at me. Thank you.
