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Nov 19, 2023 at 8:06 AM
May 16, 2003
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Nov 19, 2023
    1. London'sBurning
      Last post. All the posts were a single post that wouldn't fit since there's a 1,000 word limit on personal messages. I broke it down into multiple posts meant to send as one.

      Start with the "Actually I just read your marriage thread..." post and go from there.
    2. London'sBurning
      If I even stuck to one of those activities and made it apart of my daily life then that would not be good for me but likely also good for the community I live in around me. So, yes improve yourself. Get your self esteem up again.

      Just a little bit of history as well about my ex. She has a kid already and is in a relationship with another dude. We recently became friends again. She's not doing too well with her relationship whereas mine is going great. I hold no animosity towards her and while she hasn't said it yet, I think she at least has some partial regret about breaking things off with me. In a weird way, it's a good feeling although I'm now at a point in my life where I do genuinely want her to be happy and don't wish the end of days on her.
    3. London'sBurning
      So I set up some goals. One was to improve my physical shape. I took the gym and working out. Eventually when I got good at running I looked at running clubs. If you live in Austin, there's these running stores called Run Tex that have 5K and 10K training clubs that you can sign up for, for free. It let me meet people that I at least had one thing in common with. I went back to school and chose a class I thought was interesting. Again it gave me an excuse to go out, learn something which would be a form of self improvement and an opportunity to meet people. I started volunteering at the animal shelter in Austin. Again I meet people, give some dogs that are trapped in a small kennel a chance to burn some energy and know that I'm doing something good for my community. Basically I did so many different activities that could be considered a form of self improvement and made me have to go out and be social.
    4. London'sBurning
      Maybe sleeping around will work for you though. Who knows. A couple more things before I end this post because it's one of the most important things I did in order to get over my ex. I stopped feeling any sort of emotional attachment towards her. Love, happiness, sadness, anger. I stopped letting myself feel this way towards her. I just changed my perspective on her from the one that got away into someone that made a choice she felt was in her best interest and left it at that. She made her life choices and she can live with them.

      The other thing is I did a lot of work on improving myself. I had **** self esteem and it showed in the way I walked, talked and carried myself. I was depressed and I didn't care who knew.
    5. London'sBurning
      If somehow, we had managed to work it out or kept our relationship hanging by a thread, I probably would still be in a miserable relationship with my ex because of my hard headedness with taking my marriage vows so seriously.

      You dodged a bullet is what I'm trying to say. Earlier I said there's no right or wrong way to get over someone. Believe me, I went the route of sleeping around with a bunch of people like my friend's would advise. It was fun for cheap thrills but it didn't really help at all. I would compare those women I didn't know very well with someone I had a deep albeit tarnished history with. There was of course nothing to build with these women that was meaningful and I did meet the occasional psycho or two going that route. I don't regret sleeping around though because it helped me move onto the next stage of wanting something more meaningful.
    6. London'sBurning
      What it took for me to get over my ex, was when I was finally ready to go out there and start dating again, I had met someone that I was truly more compatible with. I'm dating a wonderful girl where we both have the same work schedule, sexual compatibility, sense of humor, daily pleasures in life, and of course both of our families get along well with one another. My ex-wife hated my famiily. My ex-wife's family hated me even though I would bend over backwards trying to get on their good side. My present girlfriend loves my family. My girlfriend's family loves me. I'm actually chilling on their couch right now typing this to you while I have some time alone. We're not a perfect couple, but I can definitely say she and I are a lot more compatible than my ex-wife and I were and that was someone I was truly ready to spend my life with and took my marriage vows of til death do us part seriously.
    7. London'sBurning
      I would say I'm a good pick among the single women out there since I don't carry any sort of baggage and I'm a genuinely good guy. The baggage that typically comes with divorced people doesn't apply to me. That said, you're even more fortunate if I'm reading your posts correctly. You don't carry any baggage yourself. You seem young and even if you're older, who cares. There's always someone out there for you at any age.

      If there's one thing I've learned from my divorce is that outside of doing something illegal, there's no real right or wrong way to get over someone. The truth is if the relationship is really that important to you, then it can honestly feel like the death of a relationship. It's going to take time.
    8. London'sBurning
      The meetups didn't help much for me personally but I still went. I was 25 and I got a baby face where I look like I just graduated high school. I was around people that were going through divorces with kids, houses, alimony, and child support. I was getting a peak into the lives of people that had been through 30+ years of marriage and some who's kids were already married and making babies on their own. These were people that were truly terrified of being alone that were in their 60s and felt like they would never find another one to spend their final days with. I was going through a real painful divorce, but not like these guys.

      I didn't have kids. I didn't have to worry about alimony, or how property or money was going to be divided. My marriage didn't even last a year which sucked but was also a blessing in disguise. I'm still young and in my prime with no debt to speak of.
    9. London'sBurning
      If they had marriage problems, you can believe they would go through counseling or through almost any measure to try and make their relationship work. She didn't want to do that with you and you can't force her to do her part to make the relationship work. She has to want to and if she doesn't, that's fine. It's her decision. But it does mean that she isn't the one for you because if she was the one, she would go through those measures to make the relationship work.

      I personally had to go through a lot of therapy and divorce meetups before I started to get over my ex. The therapy didn't actually help much except that it helped me see the big picture in life. It helped me not become obsessed over my ex to the point where it was interfering with my daily life and I became miserable.
    10. London'sBurning
      Actually I just read your marriage thread. I know it's tough but I would just try my best to move on if I were you. I went through a long drawn out divorce that I didn't want to go through. I saw the mistakes I had made in the marriage and did everything in my power to correct them. After I felt like I made everything right again, she still didn't want to work it out. I felt similar to how you felt but the truth is it's not all your fault you two broke up.

      There are people out there that are separated from one another for months or even years at a time. Some of it's due to military service. Some are dealing with immigration issues and out of those marriages you can believe that at least a few of them were devoted, loving and monogamous towards one another until they were able to reunite.
    11. London'sBurning
      Sure thing. What sort of difficulties are you going through?
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