Taking care of her family in her own home is one thing, but based on FTs post sounds like GF moved in and pressed him to allow grown kids and a grandma to come along for the ride as well. I'm not trying to take a deep dive on this but on the surface that sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Yeah, but when I moved in, it was literally just me and her in the house. Everything was great. Her middle son was off on his own in Odessa, her daughter was living with her boyfriend's at his parents house, and her mom was living in Houston. Now there are all back at her house, adding also the daughters husband, and the house has been taken over. This isn't what I signed up for.
In the interest of being completely transparent, I moved in with GF. I don't have much of a leg to stand on in what gf allows in her own house, but it doesn't change how they have affected almost every aspect of what I signed up for.
So I did a lot of thinking, processing, and internalizing of what was said. After hashing it out here, I'll share what I "think" is going on. I have to admit, writing about things and getting you all's input really helps. I'm not depressed. I'm just frustrated. I'm happy when I'm with my son's, or with my sister's. I'm relaxed when she goes off to run, and when I'm at work. First off, I've changed. When GF and I hooked up, I was freshly divorced, I was going out and partying, drinking, dancing, going hard. I think it was a mid-life crisis since I had been more calm and reserved all of my adult life. We traveled a lot, we drank hard everywhere we traveled to, we got stupid, and crazy, and were always together. After Dad passed, I came back down to Earth, but not immediately. I think it took almost a year to really feel his loss and reject all the craziness that I was living. Secondly, she hasn't changed. She still wants to go out and have a crazy time, drink hard, travel, and be by me at all times. Catch 22 here....I don't want to be in that party situation, but I feel pressure because I know she loves it and I don't want to be in that arena. Third, the house situation. I can't say anything because 1. it's not my house and 2. it's her family that she enables and allows to do whatever they want. I've stopped doing things around the house because they are always screwing things up. I can rant for days on the house situation, but the bottom line is its not my house, it's not my family, and we're not married, so I really have no say. I will say I really can't stand her daughter, her daughter's husband, or their dog. I mean, I avoid them at all costs. She has let her mother take over and change things all over the house. I understand its her mother, but when MY stuff starts getting messed up, I take issue. Fourth, she want's to do EVERYTHING together. My buddy invites me to hunt, she ask's if he is inviting "me" or "us". At that point, I tell her something came up, the hunt is off. I need to go to store, I've got to wait so she can go too. Fishing alone, fugetaboutit. I can't even go to Dad's grave and talk out loud to him because she wants to be there beside me. I feel suffocated, and I'm usually the affectionate one. Of course, I'm not going to nit pick at all the little things, but overall, this is the pill I swallow every day.
FT.....dude...reading this entire thread, I think you may be over-analyzing everything. After reading your post about your current house situation, I was going to suggest that you schedule some alone time every day. And that you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to do that. I absolutely LIVE for spending time with my wife/kids. I look forward to doing it all week long. But I still need alone time away from them (and everyone else). I just about went crazy Thanksgiving week when all 4 of us were home the entire week. Doesn't mean I don't love them all more than life itself.....but we all need time to ourselves or we will go crazy. But now, after reading your last post....I think it's pretty obvious what needs to be done. You need to get out of this situation and get your own place. It's totally destroying your spirit.
I was thinking the same thing, getting a small apartment for yourself gives you the flexibility to be there when you want and get away when needed.
It might be time to go. At the very least establish your own place I understand not trying to hurt folx or upset the apple cart. . . but . . . Rocket River Trust me. . I understand
establish boundaries dude. my current gf wants to hang out everyday, but i've got her on a schedule where i've established days of the week where I'm doing by own thing.
Yeah, I know. We've talked about all these things at different times, but obviously, nothing has changed. I know she does her best to keep the peace but if I'm being honest with myself, it's not what I want. Of course, I feel bad because she's caught between a rock and a hard place. I don't think she would even understand but I don't want to kill her spirit in her to giving up what she loves because of me. I know what I have to do, but I think I'll sit on it a few days. I don't want screw up Christmas for everyone.
This is the part that's most alarming. You've worked too hard to get to this point in your life and not even have a say in what goes on in your own house.
It's her house. I moved in with her. She owns the house, and she was living alone. I was living in my parents spare room because I was going through and divorce and broke as a joke. She asked me to move in with her. It seemed like a win win.
That is probably the hardest thing to do As men . . .we use to sacrifice. Doing for others before ourselves The idea of doing what is right for you . . .means it might be brutally hurtful for her Even if you don't love her . . .you care .. . and your overall happiness would be damaged just knowing it hurt her...... Some folx say do the bandaid thing . . . rip it off but It ain't easy and the effects are long lasting I often stay or stayed longer than I should because it was more about them than me. . . . I could endure but once you hit that point where you cannot .. . .you see you are doing as much damage as you stopping Rocket River
Yeah, for a split second, I was kind of excited because I think I have a handle on what i have to do, but then I think about her and her feelings and i feel like ****. I know she won't be alone because she has her whole family there, but she's still going to hurt.
How many people are living there besides you and the GF? That kind of living situation especially if it was unexpected would drive me crazy -- I've got a mental image of two grown kids and grandma which is way too many extra players.
Oh man. One 29 year son, who is really pretty cool. Stays out of our hair, very considerate, fun to hang with. He is very appreciative of everything I've done. 26 year old daughter. Loud, mean, obnoxious, self centered, know-it-all. Everything has to be about her. Conversations around her always become about her. It's maddening so I stay away....until daughter comes into the bedroom to share all her "accomplishments" and how everyone loves her, and how she has done so much, and her this and her that ad nauseum. Daughter's husband is 30 year old mama's boy, doesn't pull any weight around the house, leaves his dishes in the sink, doesn't take out the garbage, leaves his clothes in the dryer...he's not mean....he's about as soft as they come, but he is very inconsiderate. My gf usually picks up after him. i told gf to let him do it and I've told him to pull his weight, but gf defends him, says she doesn't mind doing it, says she just want's peace in her life. I think the truth is that she doesn't want me to run off the one sucker who would actually marry her daughter. They have a dog...they have some fancy name for its breed, Bichon Frise, but its a mutt . GF always said no pets in the house. Daughter moves back, guess what. Dog is in the house. Pisses everywhere, barks at everything, daughter always screaming at it like it knows English, and "we" have to take it in our room anytime daughter has guests over because the dog is such an ahole, it tries to eat anyone that comes over. It already bit her in the face once, but she claims it won't bite anyone. It lunged at my son once and I stepped up and was going to punt it, but she grabbed it before and then said obnoxiously, "It won't bite anyone" I told her right back "it bit you" and walked off. Her Mom....oh jeez. GF moved her in because Houston was just to far away...mind you, GF brother lives up there in Houston, but GF decided it was her turn to take care of her mom. Well, Can you say veni, vidi, vici? She literally has changed the structure of the house. Is always moving stuff, rearranging stuff, has taken over the fridge, has literally hired people to build storage structures on the property, has planted every thing she can get her hands on, is always asking for things to get done for her, and on top of that, does not get along with GF's daughter or son. yeah, it's a real **** show.
