What are the benefits of getting married?

Lmfao

 

Just accidently bumped into this thread on the Dish looking for some Eurobasket posts but it caught me. Nice to see sincere and not cynical comments on here.
To be honest its kind of sad to me to see how some of you guys look at women, and how they fit in your lives.
I am married for 7 years now, been together for 11 years.
She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We are best friends first of all and I truely feel she makes me a better and bigger person every day.
It wasnt like that when we met. She was pretty wild, we both dated other people when we met and became friends.
I was quite young, didn't know what i want to do with my life, but i knew i cant live a boring life.
When we started talking i knew straight away that i want to spend my life with her.
It might be rough at times, but it wont be boring. We are very different in nature but have the same inspirations for life. I think its very important if you want it to work.
You don't have to fit perfectly, but allow each other to grow, and make sure that your long term goals are alligned.
We don't have kids, and don't want to have kids. We've been traveling the world for the past 7 years, and I can't think of a better partner for this jurney. Its not a life for everyone, but the main thing, once you find your partner, that share the same goals and ideas, dont let go. Even when its hard. Its well worth it.
No other one night stand can be worth it.
If there is one thing I've learned in my travels- Even the most beautiful place in the world is vain if you dont have someone to share it with.

 

Not judging because i was in a relationship like this for 4 years back in college. This is a codependent relationship. Not healthy at all but neither of you will likely change it until the frustration outweighs the benefits or one of you finds something better. Codependent relationships are long standing, hard to break, and carry similarities with addiction. Again, I get it though....i about lost myself entirely because of the one I was in. It's actually the reason I decided to go into mental health. Just my 2 pennies....

 

I'm not an expert in this area, so I can't comment. But I never thought we were in a codependent relationship. We're both just best friends that enjoy doing similar things. May I ask what signals why you think it's codependent?

 

I've been married for 12 years, and it's obviously been great for me, but it doesn't work for everyone. You really need to make sure you get it right the first time - some tips:

Live with your significant other for at least 2 years before you get hitched. You really need a long test drive before you make a commitment for life.

Talk about whether either of you want kids BEFORE you consider marriage. Kids and marriage are separate commitments that must be considered separately.

Your significant other should be career minded. Money is the number one thing that married couples argue about, but if both spouses are pursuing careers, then money usually won't be a problem.

If your significant other sleeps around, has a drinking/drug problem, is bad with money, or is just a drama queen then rule marriage out - these are behaviors that you'll never change.

You should look forward to watching TV together on a weeknight - this is like 50% of marriage.

If you meet all of the foregoing criteria, and if the sex is good and the conversation is better, then go for it. This is completely unromantic to say, but it is absolutely true that your freedom will matter so much less as you grow older while your marriage will matter so much more.

 

Sure I'll explain what I can here, but I'm going to add an asterisk at the end*. Here are a few that might be worth noting. The basic premise of a codependent relationship is that the relationship is based off of what the other can provide them and the willingness to tolerate or overlook the fact that neither party sees nor treats the relationship the same way. So instead of a relationship existing out of mutuality, commitment and alignment of purpose/values/etc, it continues despite the absence of those things because there are other benefits to be gained from the relationship. As long as each party can glean what they need/want in the relationship, the codependency continues to maintain/sustain the relationship.

So what it sounds like is you get the security of companionship and connection. Like you've said, you've invested way too much of yourself into this relationship to just let it go and risk it. To lose all that you've built would feel far worse than the risk of pushing your boundary to elevate the relationship into a committed and exclusive one. So you sacrifice your need to have alignment (seeing and treating the relationship the same way) and your desire to have a committed and romantic relationship in order to secure the more limited companionship.

It sounds like she too enjoys your companionship, but isn't willing to end a relationship knowing that you want more out of it. Typically if a healthy person has no romantic intentions with another person and they know that person has romantic intentions with them, they'd distance themselves from that relationship or end it all together. But if they don't that means either they're okay with keeping ambiguity and confusion in the relationship and/or they're getting something out of the relationship that benefits them enough to overlook this dynamic. Either way, that's what makes this a co-dependency. Each person depends enough on the other to satisfy a need even at the expense of one of the fundamentals of a healthy relationship (mutuality).

Okay so now for my asterisk. People don't change until the pain of their situation outweighs the gain. So that being said, if you and your lady friend are satisfied with this setup, I shouldn't nor should anyone else keep you from enjoying that relationship. The only time this perspective becomes relevant to you is when you're no longer able to keep doing it and the pain of it outweighs the benefits.

So again, I'm just saying this because you asked and I only mentioned it in my first post because it sounded like this was a problem for you. If you don't see it as a problem or think it's a problem, then truly just ignore what I've said.

Cheers my friend

 

Based on your post, you shouldn't get married, but I'll tell you about my personal experience and why I love my wife. I'll start with the fact that I used to also prefer being alone, but I still kept an open mind if I found the right person. What I found, is that after marriage I didn't have to give up the things I love and we understand the need to have fun. We also share in taking responsibilities and started our business together, which has been a successful venture. She couldn't have done it without me and I couldn't have done it without her, but this all stemmed from the fact that I didn't just marry anyone. I had many opportunities to get married before, but I never did because I could see problems brewing. Find someone you get along with, someone who isn't too rigid in their thinking and you'll get along fine. Being married doesn't mean you can't have any fun together. Sometimes we still have kids' mentalities. After all, you're never too old to have fun. If you're just looking for someone to take care of you medically, I could see that not going well at all. Someone else here suggested getting a service to monitor your health. It should also provide you with a pager. That's probably your best bet. Do everyone, especially yourself and the girl who would end up in a relationship with you, a favor and spare yourself a life of pain and misery with the wrong person. If you could compromise for the right person, try it, but don't get into a relationship just for your convenience. With that being your primary motivator, you should also definitely not have kids. Fyi, I'll be 37 in about two weeks.

 

None of the reasons you listed for getting married were "I really love this swamp donkey." So it isn't the right person or time.

As for everyone talking about these "Notebook" like 50 year relationships.... those are very rare. A better indicator is the relationship my friend Mike had.

Mike met Hannah as an undergraduate at UT. Hannah came from a wealthy large family. Everyone in Hannah's family seemed close and loving.

Mike felt very lucky to have Hannah. She was attractive and said all the right things and could provide Mike with an exclusive social status. They dated all through undergraduate school and Hannah played the dutiful stay at home girlfriend while Mike went to law school. Mike was very ambitious and felt good about his future with Hannah. They married after law school.

Soon after Hannah and Mike married, they planned on having a family. Hannah had no problem getting pregnant. Mike would later tell me Hannah had bad periods and claimed to Mike that sex was painful because of endometriosis. As a result sex was rare for Mike.

What Mike didn't know was that Hannah was a "swamp donkey". She was doing doing X and hard drugs when Mike was working, including all through her pregnancy. Hannah was quite active on social media and was involved with some very questionable people.

Mike one day felt ill at work. He knew his wife was out with her friends looking for baby stuff. Rather than disturb her he figured he would leave work and nap until she was home.

Mike did come home, and found his 8 months pregnant wife naked asleep on their bed. He also found a stranger in the bathroom naked with a needle in his arm and another male came in from the back of the house. His naked wife had "nodded out" with crust all over her pubes and chest Mike confronted the male that came in from the garage and was beaten badly. According to Mike his wife was awake enough to try and leave the house and not help Mike as he laid in his own blood and piss.

Mike later said to me seeing your wife with her huge womb belly, naked and defiled by other men is an image that will haunt you forever. He said the drug paraphernalia and bottle of lube lying next to her disgusted him to the point he could think of nothing else.

Mike called 911 and his wife claimed that Mike had attacked her "guests" and had been kicked out of the house a week earlier. Fortunately the "guests" were felons and the cops didn't believe Hannah.

Ultimately Mike lost his job because of gossip. He had his life threatened and his car vandalized. His child was born with serious problems and didn't make it.

Mike is no longer on track to be a partner at his law firm, he no longer has a big house in midtown and he no longer golfs after lunch on Friday. Mike now drives an Uber and has put on 60-70 lbs. Mike lost all but 2-3 friends.

Hannah had manipulated Mike and purposely pushed him away from his family. He has tried to reconcile with his family but with mixed results.

OP.... don't get married just to do it or because it will help your health or make you grow up.

 

Kids and raising them together are really the only benefits.

Finding the right one is actually quite easy...don't marry a slut, make sure she comes from a good pedigree and has a career. All women are crazy, just gotta find one that is less than the others.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

 

There's a lot to say here. I can't speak for your woman, but part of being married (if that's the path you take is compromise.) My lady friend as I posted is a huge Jazz fan. But we've attended games and when I watch, she'll root them on and watch with me. Sure she may not watch the entire game, but she doesn't need to. Being married doesn't mean you two are connected at the hip 24/7 y'know?

Now if she's really thinking "how did I end-up with this guy" just cause you're watching a Rockets game, then you have way more issues to be concerned about and shouldn't have gotten married to begin with. Secondly, my lady friend loves watching foreign dramas. I've watched with her, and actually kind of enjoyed watching with her. Like I said, part of it is compromise, but the other part is we just enjoy similar things. I'm saying this, because I'd hope for other people, it's at least similar to that. I may not always enjoy watching what she watches, but I care, and I let her talk about it, cause I know I'd do the same, and she'd listen to me talk, even if she doesn't watch the show either.

As I said before, you're not attached at the hip. Your girl will want time alone some weekends, and she'll want to spend time with her girlfriends other weekends. I guess I just think you're worried too much about the little things. I could be absolutely wrong. But all of my friends whom are married, I never once heard them mention things they'll do on weekends. Marriage is more than just what you two will do on a Friday or Saturday night. But even then, I think you'll be surprised by some ladies out there. I personally know many who would be more than happy just staying in on a Friday night watching Netflix. When you're married, it's not so much what you two will be doing together, it's that you two are doing it together.

 

Haha. Ahh come on. I'm still on page 420 and just started reading this thread. First page has some pretty hilarious posts

 

The main benefits OP ,is to prove to your family, friends and neighbors that they were wrong ....about your sexuality

 

If she's loaded marry the women!
Become a house husband and die by 65.

 

Didn't read the entire thread. But to answer the question, financially, there are tax benefits when you tie the knot.

OP..if you are asking a question like this on a bbs to decide whether to get married then perhaps you should re-evaluate your situation.

Good luck.

 

TLDR on all the "This is why I love my Wife" posts.