Tea Party Rhetoric Satire

RedRedemption · Aug 22, 2012

We are the Tea Party movement. Our goals:

1. Take back the country, because we refuse to be associated with it so long as that black, foreign-born, socialist Muslim is living in the White House.

2. Return to the values and tenets of our Founding Fathers. If they wanted a Civil Rights Act in America, why did so many own slaves? If they believed that women and ethnic minorities should be able to vote, then why didn't they include these rights in their final draft of the U.S. Constitution? And while we're at it, let's repeal the 17th Amendment, because we really cannot trust the simple-minded electorate with important decisions such as who should represent the states in the U.S. Senate.

3. Destroy "ObamaCare", because the government has no business regulating the private health care insurance industry. And because the government has no right to kill grandma. That's the job of your HMO or PPO. And by the way, keep your filthy hands off my Medicare coverage!

4. Create a smaller government, because the feds have no business telling Americans what do to ... unless you're gay, or you wish to purchase mar1juana for personal use, or you need an abortion, or you wish to obtain contraceptives.

5. Demonstrate our support for the health and well-being of women … by greatly reducing affordable access to breast cancer screenings and other preventative health care resources … and by requiring women to "spread them" and provide a womb with a view for Uncle Sam.

6. Deny the impact of human activity on climate change. Because everyone knows that if global warming is real, it's simply "God's will".

7. Make Christianity the official religion and English the official language of the United States, because native English-speaking, Christian folks are the only truly patriotic Americans.

8. Destroy labor unions, because besides the 40-hour work week, paid vacation time, workers' compensation, sick days, overtime pay, regulations regarding workplace health and safety conditions, health benefits, pension plans, etc. … what have they ever done for the typical American wage earner?

9. Stop spending so much money! Except when we need to invade another country that pisses us off. Or if it's done to support programs and policies that help to further our own political agendas.

To that end, let's drastically reduce funding for food stamps and other programs that help people in poverty to make ends meet … such as providing hungry children from impoverished families with a nutritious meal while at school.

10. Reduce the deficit ... at the same time that we're gonna give kickbacks to the lobbyists and huge tax breaks to all of those corporations and ultra-wealthy individuals that helped to finance our little "party".

11. Embrace an economic scorched earth policy approach to reducing the national debt. Because if Congress refuses to eliminate Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security, we'll do everything in our power to destroy the economic viability of the nation. Negotiation and compromise is not in our repertoire -- It's our way or the highway.

12. To demonstrate our commitment to our sacred U.S. Constitution, we strive to eliminate those Amendments that conflict with our ideology and simply ignore other sections that we find inconvenient to honor.

13. To demonstrate our patriotic love for this nation, we propose to secede from the Union.

14. And if you won't let us attain our goals by electing us to office ... well, we can always resort to "Second Amendment remedies".

Any questions?
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Tea Party movement in a nutshell.

RocketMan Tex · Aug 22, 2012

Sounds about right....:grin:

thadeus · Aug 25, 2012

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/B5OWRRJh-PI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

This is awesome.

El_Conquistador · Aug 25, 2012

Libs, I know it's tough, but police your own. Terrible thread with little original thought, no link, and really no intelligent point other than sharing a partisan chain email. Come on, Clutch deserves better than this. Quality control needed.

Sweet Lou 4 2 · Aug 25, 2012

Trader_Jorge said: ↑

I know it's tough, but I must police myself. So many terrible threads with little original thought on my part, no link, and really no intelligent point other than sharing a partisan chain email. Come on, Clutch deserves better than me. Quality control needed.
Click to expand...

I find joy in spanking you. Actually, it's really fun to troll the biggest troll and dominate him like a cheap teddy bear that has holes all over it.

Just like that teddy bear - you have seem much better days - sadly, they seem to be gone

Sweet Lou 4 2 · Aug 25, 2012

delete

RedRedemption · Aug 25, 2012

Trader_Jorge said: ↑

Libs, I know it's tough, but police your own. Terrible thread with little original thought, no link, and really no intelligent point other than sharing a partisan chain email. Come on, Clutch deserves better than this. Quality control needed.
Click to expand...

Trololololol.

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Tea Party Rhetoric Satire

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El_Conquistador King of the D&D, The Legend, #1 Ranking
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