No this isn't a question about British sexual predilictions, it's about parenting. This is one of those debates where people usually think they're position is common sense, whatever it is, but I can't decide myself. I went to a british style private school, where punishment was often in the form of 'swatting' with a wooden paddle, and my mother used to use the wooden spoon, but I myself would like to think I;d never resort to spanking. Of course, there are parents who will come off all sage and patronizing and tell me about how I'll change my mind when I'm a parent, which may be true, but I've been a pseudo parent, and never resorted to corporal punishment. So...where do you stand on spanking children? Is it crossing a dangerous line? Is it violence as a lazy parenting technique? Or is it the only practical solution for a working family? Spare the rod, etc.? What do you think?
I think an occasional pop on the diaper to get their attention is ok especially when a child really doesn't understand much else. The problem is a lot of people go beyond that and actually try to hurt the child or take their frustrations out on their children. That is just plain wrong.
We don't hit/swat/spank my kids. Not because we're great parents, but because my wife and I made a vow when the oldest was in the womb that we would never spank out of anger. So far, it's been difficult to abide by a few times, but seems to be working well. One thing it has done for us is forced us to be calm when the kid wants to escalate the situation. When you're thinking clearly you can devise much better behavior-changing/inducing punishments then spanking. We've never told our kids we don't spank, because I guess there might arise a time when we would, but even if it doesn't come about, a little fear of the parents and the possibility of a spanking goes a long way in certain situations. Regardless of what path you take, you have to communicating with your partner and share a similar outlook on these kinds of things.
My wife and I have been talking at length about this, seeing as how we have a tike that is almost 1. From what weve read, depending on what age they are, toddlers can't associate actions and consequences. So you have to pick the right time to implement punishments, whether they be physical or whatnot. I started out, from time to time, just giving a stern "no" and moving his hand away from whatever it is I don't want him to touch. We haven't started with the consequence part, but rather, want to focus on him learning about what "no" means. Later on, when we feel hell be able to understand the consequences of disrespecting "no", well consider swatting and/or spanking. When I was a kid, my father only spanked me/swatted me once. But, he only HAD TO do it once.
Some parents do not spank enough. My nephews are horrible. Sit them in time out, tell them no, offer them "gifts", and they still are out of control. They are a pain in the ass so much that when they act half way decent, (but still unacceptable) they don't say anything. There is a difference between kids misbehaving at home and in public. Quite a few kids in my church are well behaved, but are a handful at the house. The kids at least know when to behave. In the last couple years, i've become friends with more parents. It irritates the piss out of me to see the parent literally tell the kid 20 times "stop" or "no", and then threaten to hit them. They then turn around and tell them, "if you be good, i'll buy you a toy at walmart". As a kid, I was told no/stop only once. After that , I got the belt.
What timing! I just spanked my 4YO not 10 minutes ago.... I took her, her sister and a friend to the community pool for a couple of hours. As we were leaving, my 4YO asked to take a shower-- which has been her new habit when her mother is along... to shower and put on dry clothes before heading home. I explained the obvious to her... that her mother was not with us and that I had not brought a change of clothes. She asked at least 4 times and got kind of whiny about it. We got past that, but when we got home, she made a fuss about which door of the car she was going to exit. Leftover drama from the showering complaints in my opinion. She started balking and fussing, so I popped her bottom and snatched her out of the car. One swat. Swift justice. Then I sent her to her room to be alone for a few minutes. Whenever I spank my kids, I spend at least 10 minutes with them afterwards loving on them, cuddling them, and explaining why they got spanked. I want to make sure they understand why it happened, that I considered it necessary, that they should respect for but not fear of me, and that they have "complete" control over whether or not they get spanked. I also want to say that I hate to spank my children. It feels ugly, but it seems to be the only thing that works in some situations. My oldest daughter, who is 18, was an angel and I never had to spank her. She's quite proud of that. The other three needed it on occasion though... and they got it.
I won't spank my children. The line between discipline and child abuse is a fine one. If a child is spanked by a *calm* rational-thinking adult and is explained why physical violence is necessary, I have few problems with other parents spanking, though.
I was beaten as a child and as such feel it is my duty to pass that tradition on with my own boy. j/k I believe that spanking is something that only needs to be done once or twice in a child's life in order to be an effective deterrant. After that, the mere threat of a spanking will do much better things for my child than an ACTUAL spanking ever could. I think it is one of the ways that children do learn consequences and, being one of the more painful consequences, tends to be the consequence of last resort. Another thing, I heard in my various psych classes that the first swat is for the consequence and every subsequent swat is for the parent to let out their anger. For me, one swat should be all that is necessary to change the behavior in question. EDIT: Of course this is all still theoretical since A.C. is just now 6 months, but that is my thinking at this point.
I'm not a parent, but I feel as though parents should be in control of their small children, particularly in public. If you parents can do that without spanking, you're awesome. If you can't, well, get it done with a couple of swats. I can't believe more parents aren't totally ashamed of pleading with/bribing their children right in public. It's pathetic to see a child in total control of his parents.
Spanking is ok, but beating a child is flat out wrong... Discipline is something that must be taught, but sometimes people go about it the wrong way...
Althought I am a soft gent, I am pro spanking. It is a biblical principle that stays with me. But I must confess again, I really do not have a heart for it.....I just let my wife do most of the heavy lifting.
I do virtually all spanking of my children in private. I don't want to embarass them. I want to impress something upon them. My daughter just spent 45 minutes on my lap cavorting and eating strawberry ice cream. I don' think she was harmed by a swift and certain swat of discipline with all the trimmings of love and understanding....
Pretty much what Space Ghost said. And I agree with whoever said that there is nothing more sickening than to see a child in control of their parents. I am not advocating child abuse by any means, but if a child has no fear of his parents, then you are in a world of **** when it comes to that kid. If you can put fear into him without spanking, then that is great, but I have a feeling that it is a hard thing to do. But the spanking should be for when the child has done something wrong and like giddy said, the parent should explain to the child why they were spanked.
I used to think the same way before I became a parent and realized how tough it is to keep things under control in public... it's relatively easy to take care of things at home... you're more in control of the environment and the rewards/punishments are much more clear to the kid. However, your kid knows when you're out in public and knows how to take advantage of it... the first time it happens you have to be a total ******* and shut it down, even if it means the whole family's plans change because of that action and even if it means people look at you and make snarky comments. If your kid throws a temper tantrum at the grocery store, you pick 'em up and leave... you may not get your grocery shopping done at that time, but you can't let secondary considerations be the deciding factor.
Man, I hate spanking.... I spanked my 5 year old a few times between 2 and 5, but now rarely spank. My 1 and 1/2 year old is getting close to it......he is VERY willful. Whatever works is the way to handle it...some get spanked, and some don't...as long as you are being a good responsible parent. DD
I'm against spanking, but 100% in favor of corporal punishment. Those damn lazy corporals clogging up the mess hall...
