Scott! Remember what we talked about the other day? George is into it!

If I had a nickel for every time this happened to me...

EARLY RETIREMENT

 

True: there are plenty of people into furries these days. The costume really pulls 'em in, doesn't it?

 

I don't know, B-Bob, so many ladies shave these days... some guys, too. Of course, I know you, the Cheetah, and Sammy swing with a different crowd. Different strokes, as they say.

 

In 1995-96 I was in college in St. Louis, and working part-time behind the counter at Brandt's Cafe in St. Louis. It was sort of a hip coffee bar/wine bar/restraunt as well as a health food store (the part of the business where I worked).

On a Sunday morning, about 11AM, the most beautiful lady I have ever seen in my life walks up to me, and it is clear right away that either she's hitting the bottle a bit early for a sunday or (perhaps perhaps more likely, since she's in formal wear) it's still Saturday for her. Anyway, she stumbles up to the counter and asks me where the restroom is.

I try to explain.

She seems confused.

Eventually she asks me to lead her to it. I do, still half asleep and hung-over from the night before. When we get there she opens the door, throws me in, and attempts to have her way with me, grabbing my zipper, and trying to undo my pants.

I kid you not. At this moment, I'm staring into the face of every adolecent male's not-so-secret fantasy. I'm staring god in the face, as it were.

What do I do? I stare into the face of god and find myself wanting. In other words, I flip out, throw her off and stumble off in a panic to her vocal disapointment. Again, I kid you not.

I'm still conflicted about the issue years later.

Clearly, anybody who'd do this sort of thing in the world we live in today, and who would allow themselves to be in such a sorrid state at 11AM on a Sunday moring has problems. Perhaps she just learned from her older brother that the years of incestual rape combined with the IV cocaine use finaly turned up that positive AIDS test and that, combined with the fact that she hadn't been taking her Haldol for about three weeks, just caused the voices in her head to push her over the edge.

It this world, had I closed the sale, I'd today be trying to hide the tell-tale rings of Kaposi's sarcoma. Clearly my actions were the most rational and wisest.

I do have to admit, however, that it was not out of some sort of rational process that I arrived at my response, but rather the overwhelming confusion of having this happen to me. It is because of this that the incident still has strong emotional significance for me. It's sort of a mixed "longing for what could have been", a sort of irrational fear of having my every adolecent sexual fantasy come true, and silly sort of pride in having, for whatever fleeting, delusional and transitory moment been the object of desire for a woman whose beauty so clearly outclassed my "means" as it were.

Anyway, that's my experience.

 

You tell me...



Panda p*rn

 

You did the right thing. I remember we had this intern at work who was only 20 and hot as hell. The problem lie in the fact I'm a happily married man and she would outrageously flirt with me. I was joking with her once and she plopped down on my lap. Not good. Then she did the one thing that turns me on like a switch, running her fingers through my long hair and twirling some strands around her fingers. I was tempted to hit it for about .5 seconds before I heard the voice of DMX in my head:

I did have a wife and I didn't want to wreck my life with her on account of some college girl (fine as she was). So I asked her nicely to get up out of my lap and a few days later, my wife came to work to meet me for lunch and the girl saw her. She never bothered me again. But admittedly, I think about her and that moment and while the most primal urges in me say "Damn dude, you missed out," my heart is grateful that it remains only a fantasy that if acted upon, could have destroyed my family just for some lust.