I recently had something happen in my personal life that troubled me deeply. My wife and I couldn't sleep one night. We decided to take an extremely late night walk to see if the night air would help. Besides, we had cabin fever. So we began to walk along the usually safe streets of our neighborhood. At about the furthest point of our walk, we noticed a young black male (18-22 range) riding a bike up the cross street. He didn't seem likely to turn, until he saw us, and pedaled over to us. He circled a bit, and I intentionally kept my distance. He asked "how do I get to Duval Street from here?" My wife, who is far better with directions than I am, told him precisely how to get there - it was only 4 blocks away. He said, "I'm not gonna rob you or anything." Contrary to reassuring either of us, that just spooked us. He then repeated it, and pedaled off. We walked on normally, until he returned only seconds later. He obviously hadn't made any attempt to follow my wife's directions: he seemed to have gone the first block of her directions, and returned. He told us that it didn't seem to be up that way. My wife, quite nervously said, "my directions were accurate. It's really a left and then 4 blocks." He seemed to get angry, and said, "I'm not gonna rob you. You white folks scare too easily" He repeated that or something like it twice more. He then laughed and pedaled off. We then proceeded to turn, and take the quickest root home. The incident disturbed me on several levels: (1) While it wasn't a major factor certainly, it's possible that his race affected my level of caution. I'm going to be cautious of anyone riding a bike at 2:30 am (I'd expect them to be cautious of me as well), but I would hate to think I'd be less cautious of a white person. Quite frankly, I just don't know. (2) I didn't like how offended he was that we were nervous of him. His behavior was very irregular and not in-keeping with his stated circumstance of being lost and asking for directions. Why should he assume we're racists before we're nervous about someone who acts suspiciously at 2am? (3) The entire incident reminded me of a Chris Rock skit a few years ago. Generally speaking, though, how can we ever overcome racism when we mutually reinforce it through casual interactions? Intellectually, I'm confident that I'm entirely race-neutral. But one's gut reactions are more difficult to govern, and I don't think racism can be stamped out until they are - on both sides. I have no idea whether the guy was up to no good or not. Possibly, he would have robbed us had we been willing to venture slightly closer. Certainly, the fact that he seemed to have it on the brain indicates that's a possibility. Or maybe he was innocuous, and sick of white yuppies being overly suspicious (even if it's not race-related, he thought it was). Or maybe he just enjoyed jerking our chains. But the race element bothers me. I hate that it was there.
Great post. It's rare that people are often so honest in these types of evaluations. So often it seems we are quick to jump to the defensive and claim that we aren't racist, people need to quit whining and complaining etc. I think the fact that you are even wondering whether or not race played a part shows an awareness that seems like it could lead toward improving a problem, if there is even a problem. I think usually fear comes from ignorance. I don't mean that in a, 'you ignorant hick...' kind of way. Just that you are ignorant of what possible reason the youth had for being out so late. Maybe try and overcome your initial fear enough to ask him in a friendly way. "You couldn't sleep either, huh? Just like us." "Yeah, sure I'll give you directions. Man it's late, if we could get to sleep now we'd be in bed, What about you? Do you always ride around late at night? Does it help you sleep?" These might elicit the true cause of his being outside. It could possibly dispell your ignorance and calm your fears. Even if he sensed your uneasiness, the casual conversational tone, might make him think twice about wondering if you were afraid of him, or something. Have you seen the Richard Pryor stand up routine where he talks about his trip to Africa, and how he won't use the 'N' word anymore. He says he saw that they had a society where Black people owned banks, were business men, business owners and all that. He realized the perceptions of capability here had messed his thinking up. You can keep thinking about that, next encounter. Also keep repeating to yourself that most crime committed by African AMericans has another African American as a victim. Also most African Americans aren't criminals. With all those laws of averages in your favor, there is a good chance no crime will take place. Perhaps repeating those mantras over and over in encounters like that will help them sink into your subconcious. Also while doing the above think of a plausible explanation for what he's doing if you don't want to try and ask him in a friendly way. Maybe he likes a girl in the neighborhood, and her parents or his parents don't approve. He's awaiting and assignation with her, and asked for directions so he wouldn't appear suspicious. Then he sensed the fear, and then experienced any, or all of the reasons you mentioned above. Another plausible explanation, his parents are fighting, he couldnt' stand it, and took off riding his bike. etc. Those are just two that came to me just now. Neither of them are probably accurate, but they could provide something for your mind to focus on, rather than worry about the worst.
The whole situation is irregular would you not agree Honestly . . .If I was lost in a 'white' neighborhood' I'd be VERY nervous. . . because their is a good chance I will have a chat with a cop no matter what I am up too .. . and their is a good chance I will run through the computer. . . Searched and maybe arrested for trumped up charges or something IT HAPPENS The thing is. . . ACTING SUSPICIOUS is VEEERRRYYY Subjective and If he truly lost. . . maybe he went a block or two . . .said to\ himself. . THIS DON'T LOOK RIGHT . . .and came back Not so much that he DIDN'T Try but . . more like HE DIDN'T TRUST your directions Would he have robbed you? Possible but. . . I seriously doubt he patrollling your neighborhood at 2 am in hopes of finding someone to rob . . . . I mean you did say this was not a everyday event for you . . and how many other folx did you see while you was out. . . .it does not make for fertile robbing ground Up to no good? Possible again . .. .have you heard of a string of robberies or burgularies in your area. . he may have been 'casing the joint' Was he what he said he was? Possible too Fear makes people act SUSPICIOUS as well . . . . IMO Opinion . .. upon seeing you he had a bit of fear too not that you would bash him but that chances were your were about to call the cops and he was about to get hassled. . and if he had any dirt on him he was about to Gaffled and Shuffled in the back seat BEcause he ASSUMED you would probably call the cops immediately "a random black man is on a bike in my neighborhood' because in his mind. . . white folx spook so easily and they over react. Does this make you a racist? I don't think so Does it make him a Racist? I don't think so Were you both Racially Profiling? A good Possibility Question: How many black folx in you neighborhood? I ask the question because . .. had he been white he may not have STOOD out so much . . he could have been someone from four streets over . .. just asking Rocket River
haven -- i have always felt i'm race-neutral. having said that...conversations with friends from different races has me examining myself more carefully than I ever have before. i'm among the last people any of them would characterize as racist...but I find myself doing what you're doing and looking deeper into myself to make sure nothing like that crap is there. for me there's a huge God component in that equation that I dive into prayer with. but the stories i've heard of ill-treatment because of race, no matter the race, has me more mindful of it than I think I've ever been.
Stereo-typing isn't limited to race. A couple of big burly guys on Harley's in full leather road up to me and looked like 'biker' types... One was a Pastor and the other a member of the congregation. Racism is very deep. But it is also stereotyped. To some it means only hatred and fear. But racism could also be rooted in strong cultural differences. I am half Mexican and half white. My Mexican mother raised me, but I had my father's last name. My mother did not teach me Spanish (though I picked up enough to get by, barely). I grew up with an extended Mexican family, culturally as far as I knew I was Mexican. I grew up in the '60's at school in my small Texas town there were a few Mexican children, but they didn't want to relate to me because I did not speak Spanish and my name said I was white. But it was weird for me because the white kids knew I was half Mexican (all they had to do was come over after school) and they used it to tease me, call me names and put me down. Today, people will make 'racist' remarks around me about Mexicans and I just take it as a 'superiority' deal or deep cultural stereo type. I don't feel it is a hate/fear issue. Then there are those prejudices that are entrenched in anger and hatred. So I see there being somewhat of a scale. Each of us are prejudiced to our own world system. We should move towards the end of the scale that is pointed to love one another.
You have good reason to be suspicious of a 18-22 year old riding a bike around your neighborhood late at night. This is not normal, no matter what the race. The fact that he spoke to you should have further raised your suspicions, and the fact that he came back should have raised them even more. People naturally are suspicious of people that they aren't familiar with, that's deep seeded in evolution over thousands of years. It's a protective device that the mind justifiably employs. It's not limited to white people being suspicious of black people. Blacks can be suspicious of whites, too, just like RR said. It's nothing to be ashamed about. The whole white guilt thing is really getting out of hand here.
People aren't allowed to speak to others? What kind of paranoid crazy world do you live in? Fortunately we don't all have these same irrational fears. If we did innocent traveling musicians on planes might find themselves attacked.
I grew up in a 99% white small town. I never thought I was racist. When I went to the "big city" for college some of the first friends I made were black. Spending alot of time with them made me alot more sensitive to the indirect racism. I never heard them called names or outright denied something but I did see them being tracked more in stores etc... The only explanation was their race -- it didn't happen when I was with white friends. Before this I thought that people were being too sensitive --- but when every day of your life you are living with this I can understand how it could be hard.
A couple walking in a "safe" neighborhood at 2am isn't usual either. You have the wrong approach haven. What if the dude mugged you? Would you be more suspicious of black youths then? A lot of people would, but the fact would remain that the bulk of crime can't be profiled or predicted. Or else prevention would be at an all time high. Like a lot of situations, the caution was a preventative mechanism that can't be verified for accuracy. If you went to the extreme, it would be like avoiding all auto mechanics because you've been ripped off once or twice. **** happens whether you expect it or not. Anyways, what if you were a trigger happy concealed handgun owner? Then it would've sucked for him when he came back. Being alone and lost that late, he probably asked for directions twice because he didn't want a bad situation get worse. Who knows for sure?
Nothing wrong with feeling the way you did...its human nature. Its your own way of stereotyping and its normal. If a white guy pulled up in a Mercedes and asked directions you porbabl wouldnt have been scared...or if a middle aged well dressed guy rode up on a bike....black or white. The fact that a young black kid came up to you and spooked you isn't a surprise....probably would have spooked me too.....it would have also spooked me if some white kid who looked like he was up to no good came up to me as well.
People do not usually speak to others they do not know. That is natural. Do you typically strike up conversations with strangers you see on the street? Perhaps in some utopian make-believe society where everybody frolics about in a happy go-lucky group hug type of way (think Andrew Moon after a couple of monster hits from the bong...), but not in the world we live in. By the way - I was going to comment about this earlier, but let me give you a pointer about your suggestion to start the following conversation: "You couldn't sleep either, huh? Just like us." "Yeah, sure I'll give you directions. Man it's late, if we could get to sleep now we'd be in bed, What about you? Do you always ride around late at night? Does it help you sleep?" For your benefit, don't ever say anything this ridiculous. You're going to get shot. Hell, I'd probably beat you up if you said something idiotic like this to me. The man wanted directions, not sleep therapy advice.
well i wouldn't feel bad about this incident. if some guy said that stuff to me i would be nervous. if i see someone strange in the middle of the night who says strange off color comments to me then i would get spooked. you have freaks (and i do mean freaks) like that here in austin who will do that. i dunno...the whole situation seemed pretty strange and i think just because the guy happened to be black doesn't change things. he could have just been screwing with yall, especially if your wife knew her directions were right. think about it this way...lets say the guy comes up to you smiling and politely says "excuse me, can you help me find such and such place?" then i'm sure yall would reply the same way as you did before. if he goes that way and then comes back and says "sorry, i had some trouble finding it because it didn't look like it was that way" then i'm sure you guys probably would have replied nicely and reiterated your directions. this situation was caused by him and not by you guys. it's just simple social common sense which he didn't display in my eyes.
he was asking for directions...not striking up a conversation. do you never ask people for directions?
Not usually, no. I said that people do not usually talk to people they don't know, which I believe to be correct. It's not normal for people to ask other people directions, especially ones who are on bikes, since it's likely that they didn't have to travel very far to get there (unless they were on some kind of cross town bike ride, which is again unlikely). Sure it happens on rare occasion, but it's not normal, like I said. A guy on a bike, late at night, asking directions should arouse suspicion in any clear thinking individual.
There are a lot of really sensitive people I must say. I have an Indian friend who seems to think every white is anti black or something. Just because during the masters playoff I said I wasn't rooting for Tiger, I'm not a fan of Tiger. He made the comment of "why because he is black?" Really annoying that you are called racist just if you aren't a fan of every black player on the planet. Really, the reason I wasn't rooting for Tiger is.. I tend to root for the underdogs unless I have some great reason to like the person who is supposed to win.
Reason to be concerned? Yes. Did you handle it in the proper fashion? Probably not. Sometimes we don't invest enough thought into handling these situations until it's too late. Him- "I'm not about to rob you or anything" You- "Well we're not about to rob you either" Would have probably made both parties more comfortable and conveyed the fact that he should be just as uncomfortable with you guys and you were with him. That said, buy a treadmill.
