[OC Register] Returning to Houston not desirable for media

kinda misleading title, kinda funny article.

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/houston-one-austin-2409865-texas-work

The first thing we definitely have to do, we absolutely can’t do.


There’s no getting on the 110 South. Not now, 90 minutes after the Lakers’ Game 5 victory over Houston. Not here, just outside Staples Center. Not tonight, evil cones and barricades preventing our access.

There are plenty of unpleasant two-word phrases in the English language. “Heart attack.” “Acid reflux.” “Trump’s hair.” At the moment, we consider “ramp closed” to be one of the least pleasant.

So we’re scrambling right from the start, scrambling just to make it home so we can get a full night’s sleep – meaning three hours – then rise anew, fresh as a joke from Hee Haw, to fly to Phoenix and then on to Austin all for a basketball game being played in Houston.

But we are not – repeat not – complaining. If we were going to complain, it would be directly to the Lakers, whose ridiculous inability to compete in Game 4 forced us into this dizzying mess in the first place. Honestly, sometimes we could just slap Sasha Vujacic.

No, we have it made, actually. We understand that many of you would consider our reality – being paid to attend Laker playoff games – your dream. And the writing is work but work we love.

The point of today’s exercise is to illustrate that it’s not always glamorous, unless you can find glamour at 4:30 a.m. while driving to LAX and attempting to eat a pint of ice cream using a Phillips screwdriver because you forgot to get one of those plastic spoons during the stop at 7-Eleven.

Why, exactly, are we heading to the airport so early, a full nine hours before the Lakers themselves are scheduled to depart?

Because sometimes we, like Ron Artest eying the basket, make miserable decisions. This one was an airball, and one we can’t really explain. Let’s just say we had a Derek Fisher moment, our bizarre actions defying logic.

Anyway, while standing there waiting to board our first flight, after standing there waiting to go through security, after standing there waiting to make a purchase at Starbucks, we suddenly recall a wise observation once made by a friend.

Possible new corporate motto: “Southwest … We Put The ‘Lines’ In Airlines.”

Upon arrival in Phoenix, we exit the aircraft, proceed to a different set of gates and are asked to stand and wait in line some more.

So now we’re on a plane bound for Austin, Texas, even as the Lakers prepare to play in Houston. It doesn’t require an abundant knowledge of Texas geography to understand that Austin and Houston aren’t in the same city.

But in an attempt to save the company money, this was the route we chose. You see, saving the company money is important today, since newspapers currently have as much momentum as the Brooklyn Dodgers.

Sportswriters are nothing if not resourceful. Once in a baseball press box, we witnessed a colleague consume an entire Caesar salad using only his hands.

There is something else you should realize about sportswriters. Most of us – and this is 100-percent on the level – could not care the slightest bit who wins any of these games. You’re the fans of the teams, we aren’t.

Generally speaking, the more the local teams win the more work it is for us. And we enjoy doing extra work as much as you do.

But that doesn’t mean we’re completely neutral. We also have priorities. Here is our list of what we cheer for while on the job:

1) Whatever result makes the best story.

2) Whatever result inconveniences us the least.

3) Whatever result leads to more time in places like the Flying Saucer, a downtown Houston bar that features hundreds of different bottled beers and where tonight just happens to be “Tub o’ Mystery Wednesday,” their slogan being “What You Get Is What You Get.”

In that regard, this otherwise unneeded return trip to Texas isn’t the worst thing ever, even including the 165-mile drive from Austin to Houston.

Sometimes, there’s nothing better than getting out on the open road and cutting through the heart of the countryside. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those times.

But it is a great opportunity to appreciate – through roadside signage – all the wonderful ways man has developed to accentuate the flavor of the pecan.

Candied, roasted, grilled, boiled, chocolate-covered…if this much time was spent on heartburn research, Maalox would feel so much pressure that the company would go out of business by consuming itself.

The quaintness of rural Texas finally gives way to the sprawling, enveloping madness of greater Houston, which greets us with 95-degree heat and a traffic tangle on I-10.

It is precisely 11 hours since our alarm went off back in Huntington Beach. But, hey, we aren’t complaining.

All in all, we know things could be worse, a lot worse. For example, we could covering the Ducks right now, meaning, at this very moment, we’d be pulling into Detroit.

Contact the writer: jmiller@ocregister.com

 

i've done both for years and if you're actually heading into houston, i-10 every f'ing time.