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My Englishteacher strikes back...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Jovi, Feb 5, 2000.

  1. Jovi

    Jovi Member

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    He handed us the following text last lesson:
    ******

    1894 Bridal Advice

    INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE

    To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper
    upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most
    terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding
    itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and
    inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to
    provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative
    side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the
    piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible
    experience of sex.
    At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.
    Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with
    curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual
    husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of
    marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE
    ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage
    could become an orgy of sexual lust.
    On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme.
    While sex it at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be
    endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is
    compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced
    through it.
    It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the
    groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would
    be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the
    purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot
    be expected from the average man.
    Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The
    wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly
    during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make
    every effort to reduce theis frequency.
    Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's
    best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and
    bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about
    an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.
    Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of
    denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good
    wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the
    end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the
    fifth year of marriage.
    By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete
    their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating
    all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon
    his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the
    home.
    Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as
    low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the
    kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather
    perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety
    of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others
    performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female
    body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
    Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing
    photographs and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are the obnoxious
    habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
    A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to
    see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed
    body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only
    in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton
    nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands.
    These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed
    during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
    Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the
    lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When
    he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in
    her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She
    should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will>
    stumbel and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to
    deny him sexual access.
    When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible.
    Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by
    the optimistic husband.
    If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head
    slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead. If he
    attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown
    and attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown
    back in place, spring from the bed, and announce that nature calls her
    to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the
    forbidden territory.
    If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the
    wise wife will suddenly remember some trivial non-sexual question to ask
    him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter
    how frivolous it may seem at the time.
    Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having
    sexual contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment.
    The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the
    waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make
    connection.
    She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework
    while his huffing and puffing away. Above all, she will lie perfectly
    still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is
    in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife
    will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform
    on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of their sexual
    satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is
    over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in this period
    for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged to soon try for
    more.
    One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the
    fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment
    have been working together all through his life to instill in him a
    deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to
    the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half
    cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and
    relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate
    completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.

    copyright 1984 The Madison Institute.

    ******


    I love him...he uses to call me Sexy Rexy because of my sexual interpretations for Shakespeare´s sonnets...could I change my nick? [​IMG]

    ------------------
    What do you expect from someone who beats up his fiancee?
     
  2. fatty fat fat

    fatty fat fat Member

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    Jovi- was that written in 1894, or 1984.

    Also, was that supposed to be a joke?
     
  3. Jovi

    Jovi Member

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    Well, the task was to find that out.

    But, since the date is correct, it´s clear that it can´t be true.

    Spoof.
     
  4. 3pointer

    3pointer Member

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    All I can say is :

    Whom ever wrote this must have been one depressed , opressed or what ever "press" you can think of mo fo !! [​IMG]
     

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