Single mother’s future in jeopardy after Florida Man steals driveway https://www.wftv.com/news/local/sin...ay/TMHDDYQF2VE2XMUTGTUXGXIDHU/?outputType=amp
I have to admit that I had this passing thought ... while my neighbor's lawn get leaf blown ... lucky for me I don't live in Florida and could keep my impulses under control. Florida man shoots landscaper blowing leaves
Alabama is nothing but an angrier version of Florida. They're kissing cousins. Hell, they're probably the result of kissing siblings.
Florida Deputy Mistakes Acorn for Shots Fired, Unloads Clip on His Own Car (tmz.com) A Florida sheriff's deputy is looking more like a cartoonish cop from "Reno 911!" on body cam footage of him mistaking an acorn hitting his patrol car for bullets ... prompting him to open fire on the vehicle. The video, which was just released, shows Okaloosa County deputy Jesse Hernandez on the job, detaining a guy back in November for allegedly sending threatening texts. Hernandez and his partner cuffed the man and put him in the back of their patrol car. All seemed to be going well, until Hernandez appeared to hear what he perceived as a shot being fired -- which catapulted him into a frantic drop and roll as he drew his weapon and started firing multiple shots at his car. Hernandez seems to unload his entire clip ... and, remember, 22-year-old Marquis Jackson was helplessly sitting inside the patrol car, unarmed and completely restrained -- yet, Hernandez clearly thought Jackson had shot at him from inside the car. Amid the panic, his partner -- who didn't hear anything like a gunshot -- seemed confused as to why he was freaking out, and also started shooting at their car. Miraculously, both of them missed Jackson, but Hernandez's body cam video shows he completely overreacted ... which was the finding of the Sheriff's Office investigation. Okaloosa officials determined his use of deadly force wasn't reasonable, and his partner got a pass ... since she only fired based on his actions. Over the course of the investigation ... Hernandez was made aware that what he thought he heard was literally just an acorn falling on his car's hood. Hernandez ended up resigning in the aftermath of all this ... and was not criminally charged.
I knew Jesse Hernandez, I think that was his last name. He was a catholic priest turned TSA agent, turned strip club bouncer.
Graphic content: 150 live bugs removed from inside of man's face at Jacksonville hospital https://www.firstcoastnews.com/arti...-face/77-cc1136f8-ed6b-44a5-9848-60d422042bac
The Florida Man Games is the olympics for reckless dunderheads At The Florida Man Games you can cheer on competitors in events such as "evading police" and "wrestling over beer." The pseudolympic festival was hosted in St. Augustine and competition was stiff. James Gordon of DeLand won the first event, wolfing down a plate loaded with barbecue pork and sausage a fraction of a second before his nearest competitor. He chugged a beer to celebrate. "I've lived in Florida my whole life," Gordon said after washing sauce from his hands and beard. "They're calling these 'events.' I'm calling this (expletive) Tuesday afternoon." One event had contenders dueling in muddy water in an inflatable pool, pummeling each other with weapons made from pool noodles and duct tape. Another was a theft-simulation relay in which competitors raced while toting a pair of bicycles, copper pipes and catalytic converters.
There has to be an event where people get kicked or smashed in the nuts within a HORSE or slam dunk contest format. Because Idiocracy needs a cynical cash grab sequel that is equally unironic as the original was ironic while being soullessly entertaining for a D+ audience.
I lived and worked on a horse ranch in north New Mexico the summer I turned 15. It was beautiful and we rode in the Rockies a lot. There was this horse named Neal who would always bite me when I mucked out his stall. One day he got me good and as I was putting him out to pasture I gave him a slap on the rump. Bad idea. He bucked and got me with a hoof right above my nuts and knocked me over. My t-shirt had a hoof shaped imprint and I had a hoof-shaped bruise crossing my junk and on my groin. Neal wasn’t done. He was running out to pasture doing that horse head shaking thing like he was laughing. He saw that the gate was open and started to run back towards me. I hobbled over and was able to slam the gate shut in time. The ranch owner was riding back with some of the kids he taught and he saw me bent over and hobbling to close the gate. He rode up and I told him that Neal had kicked me. He looked at me, my horseshoe-stained shirt and the horse, who was standing there watching me, and then asked me if I was OK. I pushed on my groin and said I thought so and that he didn’t get my nuts and he shook his head, laughed and told me to be careful behind ornery horses.
“I’ve lived in Florida my whole life,” Gordon said after washing sauce from his hands and beard. “They’re calling these ‘events.’ I’m calling this (expletive) Tuesday afternoon.” I love this guy. ”There’s typically drugs and nudity,” he said. “But the city frowned on it when I asked for drugs and nudity.” I love this guy too. So many quality quotes in that article: Florida today has 22 million residents, the third largest population of any U.S. state. And they all share roads, beaches and timeshares with more than 130 million tourists per year. “You cram that many people together, they’re bound to start running into each others’ cars and chasing each other with machetes,” Pittman said.
