1. Welcome! Please take a few seconds to create your free account to post threads, make some friends, remove a few ads while surfing and much more. ClutchFans has been bringing fans together to talk Houston Sports since 1996. Join us!

Masturbation Diet

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Air Langhi, May 28, 2013.

  1. Air Langhi

    Air Langhi Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2000
    Messages:
    21,626
    Likes Received:
    6,259
    The "Masturbation Diet" Is Not Recommended

    The Subway diet. The cabbage soup diet. The junk food diet. From Atkins to the Zone, there is an array of diets to help people slim down. Have you heard of the masturbation diet? You know, the one in which you drop pounds by playing with yourself furiously.

    According to Nikkan Spa, a 28 year-old with the alias "Yuichi Ito" was able to lose nearly 9 pounds in two months, simply through watching his diet and flogging his log between three and five times a day. (Supposedly, Ito's record was seven times in a single day.)

    While in high school, Ito played baseball, but gained weight after he graduated. The 5 foot 5 inch Ito ballooned to 167 pounds, which would be considered overweight by Japanese standards. Ito decided that a good way to drop the excess pounds was to cut calories and have more sex. With himself.

    "I read online that pleasuring oneself was the same as running 200 meters," said Ito. "Without a girlfriend, the only way I could become thin was through masturbation!"

    (Well, he could've taken up walking, jogging, swimming, or even played Wii Fit or Dance Dance Revolution. But Ito chose to play with his magic wand, so whatever!)

    Nikkan Spa, a men's publication with rather salacious content, also featured other unusual diets in its latest issue, such as a "karaoke diet", a junk food diet, and a diet centered around the Korean alcoholic beverage makgeolli. None of the diets, including the fapping one, seem widespread in Japan, so don't assume that they are. They're not!

    Interestingly, Nikkan Spa had a doctor chime in as to whether or not each diet was healthy. Drinking makgeolli to lose weight wasn't recommended—neither was the snack food diet. The karaoke diet, however, got much higher marks. What about the masturbation diet?

    "The issue with the effectiveness of this diet is that while you are exhausting your body, you are not consuming calories by using physical strength," said Satoshi Yoshijima, a dermatologist and doctor of internal medicine in Tokyo. Dr. Yoshijima also added that excess self-stimulation can adversely impact hormone levels.

    Besides, who wants to risk going blind or hairy palms, just to drop nine pounds? Not worth it!

    http://kotaku.com/the-masturbation-diet-is-not-recommended-510068862


    I couldn't stop laughing. Wouldn't your dick fall off if you jerked it that many times?
     
  2. CCorn

    CCorn Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2010
    Messages:
    21,457
    Likes Received:
    21,280
    And yet I struggle to lose weight.
     
  3. LosPollosHermanos

    LosPollosHermanos Houston only fan
    Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2009
    Messages:
    28,699
    Likes Received:
    12,628
    I imagine it would start bleeding. Better he use it than lose it tbh.
     
  4. TheRealist137

    TheRealist137 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2009
    Messages:
    33,394
    Likes Received:
    19,257
    This explains why I am underweight.
     
  5. LonghornFan

    LonghornFan Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2002
    Messages:
    15,711
    Likes Received:
    2,623
    What I read.
     
  6. boomboom

    boomboom I GOT '99 PROBLEMS
    Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 1999
    Messages:
    12,279
    Likes Received:
    8,661
    I wonder if this thread will get stickied.
     
    2 people like this.
  7. droopy421

    droopy421 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2010
    Messages:
    2,280
    Likes Received:
    184
    Paging Han Solo
     
  8. Dgn1

    Dgn1 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2012
    Messages:
    3,030
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    Why can't he do the karaoke diet while fapping. You should lose double the weight right?
     
  9. Ricksmith

    Ricksmith Contributing Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2009
    Messages:
    6,299
    Likes Received:
    613
    A real man would fap while running 200 meters. This guy is obviously a puss.

     
  10. Cannonball

    Cannonball Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2006
    Messages:
    21,652
    Likes Received:
    1,910
    So fapping 4 times a day would be equivalent to running 2 laps around the track. Pffft.
     
  11. Ras137

    Ras137 Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    423
    Likes Received:
    62

    [​IMG]

    Then I remembered high school

    [​IMG]
     
  12. Rodman23

    Rodman23 .GIF

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2012
    Messages:
    5,832
    Likes Received:
    3,535
    i've been on this diet since the farrah abraham sextape. how am i looking, brahs. feedback appreciated.

    [​IMG]
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. lue03

    lue03 Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2009
    Messages:
    851
    Likes Received:
    37

    I wonder how long you have to "exercise" for it to equal 200 meters
     
  14. hooroo

    hooroo Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    Messages:
    18,913
    Likes Received:
    1,505
    The writer must have seen this from the worst sitcom series ever made:

    NSFW

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1yUeye5koHc?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
     
  15. CCorn

    CCorn Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2010
    Messages:
    21,457
    Likes Received:
    21,280
    I never knew Jontro was Japanese...
     
  16. Dairy Ashford

    Dairy Ashford Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2002
    Messages:
    14,507
    Likes Received:
    1,833
    I don't understand this as I typically need food of some kind to get the energy to saddle up in the first. I can see it helping with either making you too sleepy to eat, or with giving you something to anticipate and indulge in other than food. The latter issue is pretty much the smoking gun for most (of us) fat people.
     
  17. Invisible Fan

    Invisible Fan Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2001
    Messages:
    43,400
    Likes Received:
    25,405
    it'll stay stickied until it shatters into pieces
     
  18. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2002
    Messages:
    56,402
    Likes Received:
    48,345
  19. Jontro

    Jontro Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2010
    Messages:
    34,463
    Likes Received:
    22,221
    Haha sorry to disappoint but shatter his record of 7 times a day. And he calls himself a masturbation master...?:rolleyes:

    :grin:
     
  20. Major Malcontent

    Major Malcontent Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2000
    Messages:
    3,177
    Likes Received:
    211
    If this worked...I would be a lot closer to 100lbs than 300lbs.

    Still I suppose it couldn't hurt to try again. Best ass thread here I come.
     

Share This Page

  • About ClutchFans

    Since 1996, ClutchFans has been loud and proud covering the Houston Rockets, helping set an industry standard for team fan sites. The forums have been a home for Houston sports fans as well as basketball fanatics around the globe.

  • Support ClutchFans!

    If you find that ClutchFans is a valuable resource for you, please consider becoming a Supporting Member. Supporting Members can upload photos and attachments directly to their posts, customize their user title and more. Gold Supporters see zero ads!


    Upgrade Now