You will definitely need a lawyer consultation to get all of your options. Emotional uneasiness in talking with lawyers will only delay the inevitable. Knowing that she drained your joint bank accounts and jet to another country, there's a high chance that she welsh out of paying that hospital bill, and you'll need to know for sure if creditors can make you liable or touch your credit rating. Take care, London's Burning.
There was this recent research study released which talked about how men take the end of relationships harder than women. Basically to summarize the the research study- it is because men don't have anyone else to turn to for emotional support when the relationship ends since their partner has just left. Women are more likely to have close relationships with other friends and family. I found it interesting. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/06/100608135114.htm
I'll take that into consideration. Thanks. I'm pretty sure the debt is going to be divided evenly when its all said and done. I really don't want to get into a huge legal battle with her. I know I can pay off my half even though I doubt she'll be able to pay hers. The sooner I move on from this the better and I want to avoid as many complications as I can. Besides the debt the only other thing I'd fight her over in court is our dog we bought together as a wedding gift. The little guy is one of the only presences that keeps me from feeling lonely. Her excuse was she wasn't happy in Austin and I don't blame her for that given the relatively short duration of her stay. She wasn't able to work or go to school in the months she lived here. I always knew she was worried about her health all the time before we got married but I didn't expect her hypochondria to get so bad. It's not like we didn't go out or have a good time or anything but when she could manage without me while I was at work or school, she was stuck at home. She had been taking Dexedrine in Canada, which is an amphetamine, with a legal prescription and wanted to get off of it when she moved to the U.S. because she noticed it had become an addicting habit for her. Her blood pressure was higher on it and she wanted to get off of it. I was taking Adderall at the time and she would take my pills because both drugs are in the same family of stimulants. I got off Adderall and tried to help her get off of it cold turkey, which she wanted too and did successfully because I cut out the supply. Her blood pressure was higher when she got off the stimulants. This, along with the Cedar Fever going on in January really made her paranoid that she was going to have a heart attack. She was legitimately sick with allergies and her panic attacks did raise her blood pressure to ridiculously high numbers in the 160-170/100-110 range. We found out high BP is genetic in her family even for people in their 20s and that getting off stimulants could give a side effect of having higher blood pressure until it completely left her system. Our local physician took her blood pressure at a visit and said that I should take her to a hospital and get her checked for a blood clot and that might be the cause for her incredibly high blood pressure. She was on birth control and in the hospital they at first suspected she may have had a small blood clot in either her legs or her lungs. She had no running line down her legs to indicate a blood clot and they discovered that she didn't have a blood clot in her lungs either. After blood work they did discover she had low potassium levels and thought maybe she had a disorder like Crohn's I think which she came out negative for. Her potassium levels were fixed after taking some potassium tablets but even one of the many doctors that checked up on her said that her potassium levels while low would not be the cause of her high blood pressure. After a few days in the hospital they simply said that her blood pressure was the result of panic and that there was nothing physically wrong with her. I forget the medical term they coin it but she had "white coat" syndrome where her blood pressure would get ridiculously high when a doctor would check it. She was not satisfied with this answer and from that point on became paranoid that she had something severely wrong with her that was raising her blood pressure and really grew to hate the U.S. medical system. She was resentful that we were going to be charged a huge medical bill whereas in Canada, healthcare was free. She blamed our lack of insurance on me. Meanwhile we would have unnecessary routine doctor visits to test her potassium levels to make sure they were normal and I personally suggested that she see a psychiatrist and a psychologist to help treat her anxiety. She got on Prozac again which was successful for her in the past but suppressed her appetite. It helped with her anxiety. Therapy helped as well and while she was getting better, she was still stuck at home waiting on USCIS to allow her to work. After two failed attempts because the civil surgeon apparently messed up (We weren't allowed to look at the surgeons paperwork and there's no way we could know if the civil surgeon signed the documents correctly anyways) we had to contact Congressman Lloyd Doggett to take our case and after months of waiting they were able to finally work something out with USCIS to let her travel to see her family, and to start work and school in Austin. She opted to travel. I was hesitant. I was aware she was not happy. I was trying my best but she was getting mad at me that I wasn't trying hard enough in our marriage. I was growing depressed from all this stress. I was growing resentful that I had to drop most of my courses in the Spring and Summer but I thought if I can't trust my wife to come back on her own will then we don't deserve to be married. I was trying to remain optimistic that when she came back maybe she'll be rejuvenated after visiting her family and finally when she returns she won't be stuck at home with nothing to do since USCIS finally granted her permission to actually work and start school. Her two week visit became a month. A month visit ended up with her wanting to stay for good. She said the air in Canada was cleaner and that she was feeling healthier. She set demands that I need to find a better job with good insurance if she was to come back. I'm a year away from graduating as a full time student and am working part time at the Capitol. I asked my boss if I could work full time so we could have insurance but it wasn't in the budget. I priced insurance policies even though it would add even more to our expenses. My ex knew I wasn't going to have a career for awhile and that we were going to have ride our savings we saved up prior to getting married until I finished school. My wife finally said she wasn't coming back and she suggested we become separated and that I should finish school in Austin and then try to move to Canada with her because she did not like Austin at all. I was mad at this because I was paying for everything with her immigration paperwork and she had a final interview with USCIS set for September 7th and needed to come back for it or all our efforts would be for naught. I thought about it later though and decided that I liked British Columbia and wanted to make this marriage work. She was obviously unhappy in Austin. Maybe if I move to Canada with her things would become better. I loved Vancouver when I visited. Even now despite this inevitable divorce I could envision myself living in Vancouver still. When the deadline for her interview passed though I was heart broken. She started acting even more bizarre the longer she stayed over there. She suggested I try dating other people. She even suggested I see escorts. It's like a big WTF right there. I knew something was up by then and was able to bust her one night when I was trying to reach her over the phone and she confessed she went on a date with someone over there. She's since admitted that he's a rebound and has been seeing him regularly. I've been furious since. The situation sucked as it was without the cheating. I would try to reach her everyday and had been incredibly lonely without her and she goes out with some other guy while ignoring me? I felt even more betrayed. We've gotten in fights over the phone since. I've called her a sociopath, a w****, and in general an ugly human being. Worse profanities have been said but I think CF.net censors them. I feel worse because this woman is who I was truly ready to spend my life with and I guess I refused to see all the warning signs that I should have seen to avoid being in this mess with her in the first place. I can't believe I married such a psycho. What really hurts most about all of this is I'm still struggling to get over it and over the phone the last time we spoke she seemed carefree and already over it. She had the nerve to ask me if we could remain friends despite all of this. Like a fool at first I consented but I've since changed email addresses and blocked her on my cell #. I plan to do the same with my home phone when the divorce paperwork is finalized. So while these aren't exactly her words, they do reflect some of her opinions about why she didn't want to come back.
I'm just talking out loud here, but I wonder if an annulment might be possible? No idea, really. But this was pretty much a marriage on false pretenses. She was just marrying you for citizenship and medical care.
Join the club. Feel fortunate you don't have kids with her. My kids are a total blessing and wonderful, but dealing with my ex on a daily basis is stressful to say the least.
My story is eerily similar to yours. Only, I was married for 14 years and had 2 kids before she cheated on me...with a Canadian. I filed a no-fault divorce in Austin, went to court, paid for everything (including our debt). Years of hypochondria, doctors, anxiety, panic attacks, depression. Ugh. Makes ME sick just typing this. Consider yourself lucky...whatever happens with the bills. You escaped a terrible, terrible, terrible life. I'm happy for you, because I know what that life is like. It only gets better from here.
London's...be very happy you got out before things got worse. It's never good when a marriage falls apart, but sometimes things just aren't meant to be. Do not sit back and accept her debt. I know you want to get on with this and I don't blame you. I also don't think you need the constant reminder of paying what sounds to be her unnecessary medical bills. It would be like a monthly knife in the back.
You should talk to a lawyer but from my experience is that you are going to spend as much or more money fighting for her to pay for the bill. It's a tough lesson but sometimes it is what it is. One thing that you need to look at is who is the guarantor of the medical bills. If her name is on it, then typically she will be responsible for it. That is basically what happened when I got divorced. Whatever was in my name (most of the ****) was my responsibility. Whatever was in her name was her responsibility.
The medical bills are all in her name. She didn't change her last name to mine because we had to wait for our marriage certificate to come back to us before we could go through that process. By the time it had arrived we were already dealing with the stresses of her going to the hospital and we never got around to changing her last name. Plus with the complications going on with USCIS we didn't want to add anymore confusion by changing her name at least until she became a permanent resident. So the medical debt is all in her name.
I think you are straight then. Get a lawyer and make sure they write it so that her debt is her debt and vice versa. Hopefully she doesn't contest that, which it doesn't sound like she will, and then you should be off the hook. In my experience, when it comes to medical bills the only thing that matters is who is the guarantor. The most important thing that you can do is get a lawyer that can verify this and help you. So many people make the mistake of not getting a lawyer asap.
Is it something in the air here in Austin? I'm in the middle of a difficult separation at the moment. Perhaps me, you & OP should convene for a CF support group / beer drinking session / Rockets game?
Ugh, I am sorry that you are going through this. I agree that she better pay it! Sending good luck vibes your way. Hang in there.
Talk to a lawyer. And don't try to "salvage" the marriage. The only thing that's salvagable on a sunken ship is money and art work, the ships stays at the bottom of the sea.
Just an update. I filed for divorce this morning and got my copy along with my ex's and just need to send her a waiver that she doesn't have to appear in court when the divorce is finalized. It's up to her to do her part now and she has 60 days to do it, otherwise I'll have to summon her to court. I am going to talk to a lawyer as well.
