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Clutch BBS Guide to Love

Discussion in 'Other Sports' started by Isabel, May 25, 2005.

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Isabel Member

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OK, time to list the things we've learned from each other. These are guaranteed to get the person of your dreams to fall for you... or at least to amuse your Internet friends.

-Tell her she kicks ass.
-Ask her if she wants a ride ride.
-Show her your hockey puck.
-Watch "Purple Rain".
-Do not get in any arguments over Pink Floyd.
-Tell lies to get her number. Go by the name "Mike".
-The best people to date: p*rn stars. Anyone who looks like the previous version of Lindsay Lohan. Anyone who's off limits. Random chicks at bus stops.
-No drug users... or fat girls, or girls with an annoying laugh or bvs or veins in their breasts. You can do better than that.
-Nair your sack.
-Keep a bat in your vehicle. You never know when you'll need it.
-Whenever anything happens, immediately run to your computer and post it to the bbs. Include pics.
-When in doubt, ALWAYS ask the bbs for advice. The best advice comes from people who only know you from the things you post, and who obviously don't have really great love lives for the amount of time they spend on that bbs.

#1 Isabel, May 25, 2005

bigtexxx Contributing Member

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Hot hangout boys can be found on match.com

http://bbs2.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?threadid=62431

#2 bigtexxx, May 25, 2005
Manny Ramirez The Music Man

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Originally posted by Isabel
-Keep a bat in your vehicle. You never know when you'll need it.

Click to expand...

I actually do that and it was NOT from reading the 3814 thread!

#3 Manny Ramirez, May 25, 2005
fadeaway Contributing Member

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Originally posted by bigtexxx
Hot hangout boys can be found on match.com

http://bbs2.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?threadid=62431
Click to expand...

That personal ad by Trader_Jorge is hilarious.

#4 fadeaway, May 25, 2005
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Don't forget to genetically engineer everything in your garden to grow in the form of a falic symbol.

#5 PieEatinFattie, May 25, 2005
RocketsPimp Contributing Member

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Originally posted by bigtexxx
Hot hangout boys can be found on match.com

http://bbs2.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?threadid=62431
Click to expand...

Thanks for posting that. I always wondered where the whole TJ vs RM95 Match.com thing came from.

#6 RocketsPimp, May 25, 2005
Sishir Chang Contributing Member

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Originally posted by Isabel
-Nair your sack.

Click to expand...

I thought it was "Don't Nair your sack"

#7 Sishir Chang, May 25, 2005

rockHEAD Contributing Member

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Love stinks.

#8 rockHEAD, May 25, 2005
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Originally posted by rockHEAD
Love stinks.
Click to expand...

Yes it does....

#9 tim562, May 25, 2005
Isabel Member

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Originally posted by tim562
Yes it does....
Click to expand...

You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure

(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah
(Love stinks)
Love stinks yeah yeah

(and, yes, it does)

#10 Isabel, May 25, 2005
ima_drummer2k Contributing Member

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You should always have a catchy romantic ad at Match . com....like this one for instance.

Originally posted by Trader_Jorge
User: SexyT_J_235
About me and who Iï¿½d like to meet:
I am a supremely confident, pompous, arrogant man who exudes sex appeal. I enjoy walks on the beach, picnics in the park, and spending hours in front of the computer pontificating on economic theory. I do not listen to music. Music is a mindless use of time. My radio never leaves the AM dial. Iï¿½m looking for a woman who stays current with the political issues of the day. I have very strong opinions and will engage you in bitter debate should you present a differing opinion. Donï¿½t step to me, sugarpie, because I will attack you fiercely and end the conversation by shouting words which emphasize finality of argument. I am big into mind games, and will subject you to very advanced forms of psychological warfare. Once your self-esteem is completely obliterated, we can then begin thinking about a more serious relationship. I am not very compassionate. I utterly detest the homeless and animals. I believe Darwinism is not an outdated social policy and believe a bank account is an accurate measure of someoneï¿½s contribution to society. Role models include Ayn Rand, Milton Friedman and Chris Jericho. I have neurotic tendencies. I am particularly outraged when gum is not chewed in a quiet manner and when people rhyme words in the Subway Sandwiches line.

I earn a good living, and live a high lifestyle, but do not think for one moment that you will see a dime of it. That pre-nup is going to be so rock solid that you just better find out now how to obtain food stamps, should I ever divorce you. The days of chivalry are over, honey. I will not pay for your dinners, instead you will pay your pro-rata share. I will not buy gifts for you. Gifts are an inefficient allocation of capital. If you want something, you buy it ï¿½ with your own money. Iï¿½m certainly not wasting money on you that could otherwise be placed in a stripperï¿½s g-string. Sorry babe, itï¿½s called *priorities*, and at this point, you ainï¿½t high on that list.
Click to expand...

#11 ima_drummer2k, May 25, 2005
The Real Shady Contributing Member

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Originally posted by ima_drummer2k
User: SexyT_J_235
About me and who Iï¿½d like to meet:
I am a supremely confident, pompous, arrogant man who exudes sex appeal. I enjoy walks on the beach, picnics in the park, and spending hours in front of the computer pontificating on economic theory. I do not listen to music. Music is a mindless use of time. My radio never leaves the AM dial. Iï¿½m looking for a woman who stays current with the political issues of the day. I have very strong opinions and will engage you in bitter debate should you present a differing opinion. Donï¿½t step to me, sugarpie, because I will attack you fiercely and end the conversation by shouting words which emphasize finality of argument. I am big into mind games, and will subject you to very advanced forms of psychological warfare. Once your self-esteem is completely obliterated, we can then begin thinking about a more serious relationship. I am not very compassionate. I utterly detest the homeless and animals. I believe Darwinism is not an outdated social policy and believe a bank account is an accurate measure of someoneï¿½s contribution to society. Role models include Ayn Rand, Milton Friedman and Chris Jericho. I have neurotic tendencies. I am particularly outraged when gum is not chewed in a quiet manner and when people rhyme words in the Subway Sandwiches line.

I earn a good living, and live a high lifestyle, but do not think for one moment that you will see a dime of it. That pre-nup is going to be so rock solid that you just better find out now how to obtain food stamps, should I ever divorce you. The days of chivalry are over, honey. I will not pay for your dinners, instead you will pay your pro-rata share. I will not buy gifts for you. Gifts are an inefficient allocation of capital. If you want something, you buy it ï¿½ with your own money. Iï¿½m certainly not wasting money on you that could otherwise be placed in a stripperï¿½s g-string. Sorry babe, itï¿½s called *priorities*, and at this point, you ainï¿½t high on that list.
Click to expand...

Trader_Jorge is my hero. That's too funny.

#12 The Real Shady, May 25, 2005
Chuck04 Member

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Originally posted by Isabel
-The best people to date: p*rn stars.
Click to expand...

Have seen all the advice handed out for all the tips with the exception of this one, anyone care to share the story?

#13 Chuck04, May 25, 2005

arkoe (ง'̀-'́)ง

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Originally posted by Isabel
-When in doubt, ALWAYS ask the bbs for advice. The best advice comes from people who only know you from the things you post, and who obviously don't have really great love lives for the amount of time they spend on that bbs.
Click to expand...

Yeah, because you're not always here.

#14 arkoe, May 25, 2005
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Originally posted by Chuck04
Have seen all the advice handed out for all the tips with the exception of this one, anyone care to share the story?
Click to expand...

It probably has to do with this doozy of a thread.

http://bbs2.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56482&highlight=p*rn+stars

#15 Blatz, May 25, 2005
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The only love advice you'll ever need is....

Come to Butt-Head

#16 Refman, May 26, 2005
RocketMan Tex Contributing Member

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Ya know, now that I think about it, this particular thread could be the start of an Oscar winning screenplay...

#17 RocketMan Tex, May 26, 2005
SwoLy-D Contributing Member

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Originally posted by rockHEAD
Love stinks.
Click to expand...

Step1: Shower when done.
Step2: Repeat.

#18 SwoLy-D, May 26, 2005

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Tell her you're going to slip into something more fomfotable.

#19 MadMax, May 26, 2005
Mr. Clutch Contributing Member

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Originally posted by MadMax
Tell her you're going to slip into something more fomfotable.
Click to expand...

And remember: it's summer, people suppose get horny.

#20 Mr. Clutch, May 26, 2005

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