Anyone lost a best friend/relative to suicide?

I can't relate to the OP but all I can say is hang in there bro. The absolute worst of times have passed and life can only get better for you from here on forward.

If you're around Houston and want to grab a drink or watch a Rockets game or just talk, hit me up.

 

heads up breh. you're still very young and life always gets better. find a wife and have a kid... or have a wife and find a kid? things will turn around for the better.

at least, at the VERY LEAST, you have us. CF family aint nuttin to mess wit. we gotcha back.

You'll Never Walk Alone.

 

It's hard to give advice without knowing your personality better, but with family and friends it isn't hard to reconnect just reach out. Have an open mind and an open heart don't look back for the negative experiences but move forward with the lessons in mind. Good luck.

 

I've had people very close to me talk suicide. It's terrifying. The worst terror I've ever experienced.

I'm so sorry for what you've dealt with. You're cared for here. And I'm sure you have people who would be heartbroken if you weren't here.

 

Hi OP.

I lost a friend to suicide in our senior year of high school. I still think about him, and I was the last person to see him alive. I dropped him off in his neighborhood and he ran away from the car toward his house and I worried something didn't feel right, but I had to get to a summer job interview, and I drove off. The job interview seemed so important at the time, versus some ineffable vibe thing with my emotional friend.

Anyway, I felt guilty for a long time, but being older now, and having learned about many tragic suicides, I don't think one single other person can blame themselves. You were probably a much better listener than you think. In the end, suicide is a very private matter between a person and their own demons, their own biochemistry. You most probably made his life a much, much better experience than it would have been otherwise.

Hang in there. Give yourself a break, most of all, and just look forward to that chance when you can make someone else's life better again. It will definitely happen.

 

Traveling can be a damn good coping mechanism. You're going to be on an incredible high throughout the trip and then things return back to normal when you come home. You can gain a new perspective on life but those feelings that you harbor will continue to linger. You need to let go of the guilt. Have a safe, fun trip. Spain is incredible.

 

One of my closest friends from the Army when we were in Rehabilitation together for nearly 8 months dealing with our injuries - committed suicide coming up to two years ago now - 3 weeks before Christmas.

I won't lie and say I wasn't in a dark place for a long time after I was Medically Discharged from the Army (he committed suicide due to being Medically Discharged and forced to leave the only thing he's ever loved) so I knew exactly where he was coming from.

One thing I wish I did very differently was talk to people. I'm glad you've actually gone out and spoke to counsellors - it was a huge help when I finally decided to speak to someone who knows how to listen.

During my dark times my so called best friend had just gotten with a new girl - and I only heard from him twice in the 7 months post Medical Discharge. So I can understand your frustration with being unable to talk to your closest friends about the problems. But don't for one second think you can't reach out to your friends even if it's just to watch a movie or go grab a bite to eat, without even talking about your problems. If they are a true friend you will not be inconveniencing them at all - get it out of your head that you're bothering them. You need your friends during this time.

It's now nearly 3.5 years since that time for me, and it was a very slow process of escaping the doom and gloom feeling (admittedly, I was my own worst enemy and chose to drink instead of deal with the problem) but travelling by yourself will be amazing. One of the best times of my life to date was when I travelled by myself - to Houston - to watch the Rockets and travel through Texas.

Loved it so much that I'm now attempting to move to Texas and study in the hopes of one day being sponsored to work in the country.

I know it's incredibly hard not to dwell on the things going wrong now, and what went wrong in the past and how you wish you could do things differently. Doing this is only going to keep the cycle going and make it harder to break out of and see the other side.

Learn from my mistakes and at least try your best to start enjoying things again.

Instead of focusing on the negative you should start putting all thoughts into your trip. Researching everything about every single place you're about to visit. What the local bars are like. What locals recommend doing that aren't known to tourists. Etc etc. This needs to be on your mind constantly so you are positive.

Eventually, feeling positive and happy will become normal again.

Feel free to message me through Clutchfans if you want to talk any more.

 

My Dad had 3 brothers and his dad all commit suicide. Big family. He doesn't talk about it much but my mom told me that he used to be really hard on himself about 2 of his brothers since they were all so close. It took him years before he realized there was nothing he could have done. Talking to my mom and his remaining family, raising us kids, and medication all combined to help him get though it all.

 

I walked past a covered up jumper once and it kinda freaked me out. I was surprised how far from the building the person ended up. but nothing has hit me personally fortunately. Robin Williams shocked me, especially since he did a movie that dealt with it. Never been there myself, but it seems everyone is susceptible, even though we like to think not, pain can hit you from all kinds of angles you don't expect.

 

Hey CC3 while I can't say that I know how you feel (everyone handles things differently), I empathize with you. The important thing to realize is that you cannot blame yourself for this. I know you feel like you could have made a difference, but you don't know that - and many times suicidal people are really good at hiding their pain and keeping their real feelings from those who were closest to them.

It sounds like his comment "because of you" was intended to be a joke because he really didn't want to open up to you about what he was going through. He was internalizing his thoughts with no intention of expressing them. He honestly needed more help than you could give, and because of that - there was little you could do.

Your life was complicated at that moment - it would have been unwise for you to stop everything you were doing because it would have
consumed your life - you did what you needed to do at that time. For that you cannot blame yourself, and there is nothing to forgive yourself for. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

I went through a similar emotional thoughts when I was in High school. I was leaving a friends house after school one Friday and he asked me if I wanted to hang out and have a beer. He was a great guy, but I was in a hurry to travel to Brookshire for the weekend to stay with a girl I was crushing on. The next night he shot himself. It was completely unexpected and no one saw ANY signs - It took me a while to finally convince myself that I didn't share some responsibility for his life.

As far as your relatives, please do reach out to them - just start small. Simply send a short message or email saying something simple like "I love you and I miss you". Let that be the extent of the message. Short and simple and easy. Don't feel the need to explain yourself or your life. They'll be glad just to hear from you. It's okay to start slow with them. You'll find yourself slowly opening those doors and reconnecting over time - but don't think you need to jump all in with them suddenly. Small steps my friend - I'll say a prayer for you.

 

I've lost several family members and two friends to suicide, and my only advice likely isn't what most people look for when they are seeking comfort. I personally see suicide as the most selfish act one can take, as they make the choice with total disregard for all of those that it will effect... basically, they are taking the easy way out. And while I still love and miss them, I also despise them for being selfish assholes. I forgive them, but I make it a point to not grieve for them after the initial shock wears off.

I know everyone grieves in different ways, and while the various people I've lost to suicide have done so for different reasons (depression, escape, finances, "love," etc.) - they all were only thinking of themselves. I realize that mental illness and other issues play a role, but for some reason I simply don't empathize with those that take the easy way out.

So I choose to live my life in a manner that they were too weak, or afraid to live for. I guess this is my way of turning the shitty thing they did, into a positive - as I make sure to seize the day. I don't wish the experience on anyone, so I hope all those who have had to deal with it find comfort in any way that they can.

 

I lost my wife to suicide. We were married for just over 1 year. She just turned 21 9 days earlier.

Being that close, you of course wonder if it was you or could you have stopped it. She had attempted suicide a couple of times before succeeding. She was committed just a couple of months before her last day. Her mom even blamed me because it happened under my watch. That was the saddest part because she was crushed losing her only daughter and she could never move on, but I could. My personal conclusion was that while I wasn't the perfect husband/friend/companion, there was NOTHING I did that would have caused a person to take their life. I had done all I could with all the love I had when I saw how serious this was and it still wasn't enough. Sometimes you just can't fix broken and broken happened long before you came into their lives.

My personal recommendation is get some professional help if this is still bothering you after 5 years. I got professional help immediately and while it wasn't all great advice (he advised me to get a dog...I love dogs and all but I lived in an apartment and was gone 12 hours a day), he did listen with unbiased ears (people tend to take your side when you speak and you really don't need that) and he did prescribe me some anti-depressants. After a couple of weeks (give them time), I can't describe it except that I could see colors again. It was still the same world I was in a few weeks earlier and I still had the same issues of being surrounded by broken pieces in my life, but the world was no longer gray. I see clearly enough now to work through what I was dealing with at the time such as funeral bills that I couldn't afford, getting the legal documents (no will) to get assets distributed, the sorrow of losing your wife and the thoughts that something you did might have caused this. I was soon off the meds and never did need them ever again.

That was almost 30 years ago but it seems even longer now. I now have a wonderful wife and 3 great kids. The Lord has truly blessed and restored me more than I could have ever dreamed or hoped for. But yes, it is a time in your life that shapes you into what you become.

 

Three years ago a friend I grew up with commited suiced on Thanksgiving. I got the news while I was over at the house of relatives by marriage who I'm not very close to and also have many differences from. I decided not to talk about it then as I didn't want to bring down their gathering and also frankly didn't know what to talk about so instead I put on a pleasant face and went through with dinner. To me that was probably more painful than the shock and grief that I felt and one of the first things I did after I go home was to go on Clutchfans and post about it here. Next day I got together with a few close friends and talked it out.

I'm glad you're here and talking about it because keeping it in to yourself is not going to make things better and sometimes it just helps to talk things out. Clutchfans is more than just a basketball site but it's also a community and as you can tell there are a lot of people here who are willing to listen. Please take advantage of that as much as you can and also reach out to people you know out in the physical world.

Also I can fully understand feelings of guilt I've had couple of friends commit suicide now and it is only natural that you wonder if there is more you could've done. Unfortunately there probably isn't. In the end that was his decision and he made the ultimate decision. When we lose someone though it should remind us of how important our friends are to our lives and that we shouldn't take them for granted. You can't do anything for your friend that is gone but maybe there is something that you can do for someone else now.

Hang in there. The holidays can be especially hard when still dealing with loss. One good thing is that if you feel you can't talk to anyone else you can always come to Clutchfans.

 

There's a lot I want to reply to this post but don't have the time right now. I will try to get to it later but I will say that you have the right to deal with things as you deal with it but I respectfully disagree with this attitude and think it is very problematic.

 

Sorry about your loss.

Yea, it's too bad you weren't there for him in those last few months. He's gone and your guilt is beating you up for the last 5 years. But hey, you are reaching out, so perhaps its finally time to move on. Don't suppress those feelings, but do try to move forward and to give yourself a break. There is plenty of life to be seen and you sound like a very caring person.

(yes, I have a close relative that survived a suicide attempt; it still felt terrible and i remember running away from dealing with those feelings, but eventually you do and it's just part of your life)

Cheers.

 

So your response to a selfish act is to be selfish yourself. Interesting.

 

Wanted to check back in on this thread. For many the holidays can be a very stressful time and it's no surprising that there are a spike of suicides during them. This year with such a hotly contested election and political divide there is bound to be far more tension around Thanksgiving tables this year.

For all of the Clutchfans out there who find the this time hard to deal with or not able to talk to anyone remember you can come here to vent.

Especially if you are going to a Thanksgiving at the house of Spurs, Mavs, or Jazz fans we are here for you!

 

Just got a call tonight from a buddy from college that one of our good friends killed himself. 2nd time in roughly 5 years that a guy I've known has done it while in a seemingly good relationship, kids, etc. Both times they were affable about going out & doing stuff.

I don't get it. Likely never will. But it sucks to hear about.