Answering Machine Messages

I had this one on my machine for about 6 months. It didn't have anyone rolling on the floor, but it sure as hell confused everyone.


(The Jean-Paul Satre Message)

"I'm not here..."
"You're not here..."
"There is no message..."
"There is no tone..."

 

For about 6 months in college, I had:

'A' is for academics
'B' is for beer
One of those reasons is why we're not here

 

I was fond of one I had for a while which went something like this:

Sorry, we are not here right now, but please leave us a message, and we will get back to you.

If you would like to leave a message for (name withheld) press 1 now, if you would like to leave a message for (name withheld) press 2 now.

<b>At this point, you wait about 3-4 seconds, then:</b>

You have chosen disconnect. Thank you

If they figure it out, they leave a message when it beeps. If not, oh well.

 

To the tune of the theme from American Hero:

Believe it or not, ***** isn't at home,
Please leave a message, at the beep.
I'm not here or I'd pick up the phone,
where could I be.
Believe it or not, I'm not home.

 

Then there's always this one:


Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

 

Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've
got the power inside you right now. So, use it, and send one dollar to
Happy Dude, ******. Don't delay, eternal happiness is just a dollar away.

 

hmm. that's odd. we didn't have a message when we left.

 

Hello Mudduh, hello Faddah
Here I am at Camp Grenada

"Marge, did we send Lisa to Camp Grenada?"


Funny how some posts turn out to be a Simpsons Quote-athon

 

This one always cracked me up. It is funny as hell.

Hi! This is Chance and Kearstin. I'm sorry but we're not here right now so leave your name, number, and a brief message and we will get back with you as soon as possible. Thanks.

It makes me giggle just reading it.

Chance

 

Hello, this is God. Don't bother leaving a message, because I already know you called. In fact, I've already called you back, so you should check YOUR messages!

 

Hydra is right George had the best answering machine.

Click Here To Listen (400k wav)