[Advice]How should I approach this situation involving a friend?

I think you should. He clearly needs it whether he realizes it or not.

Or maybe he realizes but just needs some encouragement

 

There u go. Talk him into to it with a positive attitude.

 

Meant to add, if ur just going to do it once or twice and not see it through/give up, don't even bother getting started. Worse for him than just leaving him alone.

 

Tony Robbins often talks about how people change only when it is too painful to continue in same direction they are currently going. I would start with some of his books.

 

Try torturing him until he changes

 

In my completely unprofessional opinion, it sounds like he has Social Anxiety Disorder. And possibly some type of ADD as well.

Sometimes introverts consider shyness to be an inherent trait and something that can't be changed. And to a certain degree that's true. But if you label the negative aspects of it as social anxiety, it begins to sound like something that can be worked on and changed. Social Anxiety is a result of falling into a pattern of believing irrational thoughts. If he has it, he's likely well aware of his issues and has a negative self image. But that just keeps him trapped in his cycle.

Add in ADD, which can be a primary cause for depression and social anxiety, and you might also find the source for lack of motivation and lack of self control.

If you really care about him, stopping being his friend isn't going to help. Approaching in a critical manner in an attempt to kick his ass into gear isn't going to help. It will only make him feel worse which will feed his negative self image and social anxiety.

You need to approach from a place of concern. Ask him if he wants to go back to school, get a job, get more friends, get a girlfriend. Ask him if he thinks he might have social anxiety. If he does, he likely wants all those things but has something inside that feels like it's holding him back. Let him know that social anxiety can be worked on and cured. That getting help won't change him as a person, it'll just remove the barriers that are keeping him stuck in life. He has to want to change the things he doesn't like, but let him know that's it's possible.

You can find a psychologist or psychiatrist who deals with anxiety and does cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe also works with ADD. Prescription drugs can help though it's only effective while you're taking them while therapy can be long lasting. Alternatively, there's an online course that is good and not very expensive (at least when compared to weekly therapy sessions (depending on insurance). Check out https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/

I bring this up because your description of your friend sounded like me at one point. Shy, introverted, had dropped out of college, sat around all day doing nothing, had trouble making new friends, really had trouble talking to girls. I had accepted that that was just the way I was and that I really couldn't do anything about it. I wished I could do the things I wanted to do, but I couldn't. Socially, I wished I was more outgoing, but it didn't seem like me. Trying to be so would've been fake and inauthentic and even though I didn't like where I was, I didn't want to pretend to be somebody else either. Things had been OK when I was in school and had structure in my life, but when I had more freedom in college and then when I dropped out and spent all day at home, things really began to spiral (the effect of the ADD w/no structure).

The moment I realized that I wasn't just shy, that I had social anxiety (and labeled it as such) was the moment I realized that I could change and get better. That there was help out there and that I wasn't doomed to stay stuck where I was. It was the start of a period of self discovery for me and the beginning of my own personal renaissance.

PM me if you have questions.

EDIT: Having read some posts since I started writing this, one thing I've learned about social anxiety is that other people generally can't tell that you have it. You think they can, you think it's obvious, but they usually don't see it. So if you don't know if he has it or not, he still might and you're seeing the effects of the anxiety but not the anxiety itself.

 

1. Drag him out with you guys
2. not to be rude but . . .maybe he not into girls . . .
3. All you can do is be a TRUE friend. . . .maybe help him find OTHER FRIENDS

Does he have OTHER FRIENDS?

Rocket River

 

I would echo and emphasize this. I would only be positive and friendly and (like you said) invite him out with you when you and Chris go to do active things. I think sitting down and having an Intervention-style talk about how he's doing everything all wrong would be the worst way to go about this.

I'm sure he'll turn down your first few invitations, but after a while I could see him wanting to join yall.

And if that doesn't work, you may just have to accept that he won't be able to change his life positively if he doesn't want to.

Without going into too much detail, I have a lifelong friend who, in his upper 20s, is struggling with just about everything. His story is very long, but ultimately with him his problem is that he just has to want to better his life.

 

We live in an interesting world, sometimes advice is given & taken easier by strangers than close friends. On other hand some friends do take advice and make it work. Every situation / relationship is different to use same logic or approach.

 

Is your friend white? Maybe he's refusing to breed so he doesn't biologically spread white privilege.

 

You're wrong buddy. I don't watch anime.

 

Edit: I just reread OP and realized he never mentioned him being unemployed. I just kinda assumed it. However, if he is or you feel he needs a better career path then check out the spoiler

Spoiler

Ask him about and present yourself as being interested in his career pursuits. Be proactive with offering to help anyway you can and even find some positions he would be interested in on your own.

DON'T approach him as if there is an issue that needs to be addressed.

Once he finds steady employment you can begin to deal with the female issue.

Be assertive in inviting him out to bars and social events and try to wingman him. He is probably extremely shy and awkward, but the only way to learn to talk to girls is to practice and build confidence.

 

I'm not sure if y'all are messing or if there is real beef between y'all.

 

He's not your brother.
Why the need to fix him, or set him straight?

Did your friend (or anyone in his family or the brother) ask you for your help?

I understand the desire to want to help someone, but right now, given that you don't know this brother that well, you are not in a position to be sticking your nose (and opinions) into this situation.

If you really care about this brother, spend more time with him, find out what makes him tick, and gain his trust over time and be a good friend (not by your words but by your actions). Some people are just scared and afraid to grow up, and there could be quite a bit going on in this brothers mind right now and he just doesn't have the courage to face it.

 

OP is Andrew

 

Give Inuyasha a chance

 

I don't have "beef" on the internet any more. That is an Andrew thing to do.