So after looking through my 13 year-old son's myspace page, I can tell that at least two out of his four best friends do drugs or at least brag that they do drugs. I'm 99% sure that my son hasn't done them yet because that's what he's told us and I believe him. That and I also drug tested him about two months ago as a joke (kind of). He's a little less mature than his friends and I'm afraid that when he catches up that he's going to get into all of that crap as well. Anyway, if I know that many of the kids that he is hanging out with are doing drugs, what do I do? Do I forbid him from hanging out with those kids? I have a feeling that would backfire in a big way. Do I let their parents know what I know? We have kind of a mass e-mail for some of these kids parents for a football team parent organization. Should I send out an anonymous e-mail suggesting that parents look up their kids myspace? I was lucky to make it through my teenage years without doing drugs and I think that it was mostly because none of my friends did them or if they did it wasn't around me. I think that if my friends did them I probably would have tried. Either way, I'll be drug testing randomly just so he'll have an out if his friends are trying to get him to do it or if he's thinking about trying them because he really wants to.
I know it may sound hard to do. But its not impossible to teach your kid to will himself to not do drugs. Talk to him. tell him that it hurts him,his body, and his family. some kids really have the ability to be around other kids who do drugs and not try them. I was one of those kids. My dad talked to me. But i guess it was easier for me. I had an example because my older brother got hooked in,and he was fuked up mentally,made me scared of drugs.
My daughter is only 4 so I don't know a lot about what you're going though. But I can try and help and give my opinion. I don't think you should forbid him to hanging out with his friends because then hes only going to want to hang out with them even more, and maybe do it behind your back. I think the best thing you can do is talk to him about it and trust that you raise him to do the right thing when it comes to drugs.
Experimenting with drugs is part of growing up. Some people get hooked, others just say been there done that and move on, some never touch it. I don't know really how much control you have over this type of thing as a parent. If they want to do it they will find a way, and if you try to block it they may rebel and be more inclined to do it. I think I would let him know that if he does it he will be letting you down and preach on how it will damage his body/mind, then tell him to make his own decisions. That will really get him thinking.
The friends could be making it up... trying to look cool. Tell their parents. If they are so close to your child I assume you know the parents.
Just be honest with him and have a honest conversation on why he shouldn't do drugs. Don't do the doom and gloom stuff because it will backfire on you when he sees someone do drugs without becoming a r****d, or becoming a loser, or dieing.
A lot of my friends do drugs, im 18 and going to be a sophomore in college this fall, so its expected however I have never done any drugs, and don't drink either. Numerous times I have been around when they smoke in the car, or inside the house, but they respect the fact that I don't want to do it and offer, and once I say no they stop, as good friends would. If your son just doesn't fall under the peer pressure and really doesn't want to do it and knows the effects, then you shouldn't have to worry. Show him what doing drugs can do to him, and how it can hurt others around him (driving while you are high isn't the smartest thing). I would recommend not screaming at him about it or anything, because that might really piss him off, and he will just do it for that reason. Just be calm with him, and get him to understand, don't raise your voice or anything because it could backfire on you, believe me, I've seen it happen. If my parents were to ever talk to me about it (which they haven't bc they know im not going to) I would be pissed if they started accusing me, and screaming at me for no reason. As far as emailing his friends parents, I don't think you should do that, I feel that is their responsibility to watch over their children as you do, even though I would hate it if my mom would check my Facebook, but I understand why you are doing it, and that shows you are a great parent and care what their child is up to unlike others. Just do what you think is right, because you seem like a good parent for caring about your child and are checking up on him which many parents don't do these days, which leads to kids getting in the wrong situations.
This is what you do. Talk to him, tell him that drugs are wrong. You can't control other people's kids, and you can't control your son's life. I had friends who did drugs in high school. I knew they did it, but I also knew I had no interest in drugs. Tell your son to say no, and tell him not to be around when his friends decide to light it up.
Thanks everyone for the advice. Most of what has been said is kind of what I was thinking. I don't want to forbid him from doing anything. I even expect that he will try drugs sometime (as I eventually did). My younger brother got heavily into drugs around 14 and he went through some hard times because of it. My dad recently passed away after many years of battling with drug and alcohol addiction. We have always talked very openly with our son about drugs and I will use this as another reason to talk with him seriously about what he does. I actually have a really good relationship with him and I think that he trusts me to talk about that kind of stuff. I don't want his friends to get in trouble because of him and cause any kind of social problems for him any more than what a typical teenager already does. I am amazed at what these kids have on their myspace pages and why their parents have no idea what is going on. It's funny that the reason that I really dug into the other kids pages is because my son got an e-mail from a kid that was bummed because his parents found out that he was doing drugs through his myspace page. Good for them. If you have a teenage kid, I strongly suggest checking out their myspace pages if they have one.
I'm 19 and in college. I always had a good amount of friends that did drugs, but I have still never touched them. I have seen what my friends and family look like and what they do on drugs and I do not want any part of it. I think at the end of the day, that is what will keep someone away. I know you mean well, but I always thought parents that check myspace or facebook were kinda lame. You have to trust your kid to do what is right. If they lose your trust, go ahead and do the drug testing an check his myspace. But if he really has not done anything wrong to this point (concerning drugs), I would back off at least the drug tests.
If he was a little older.. you could have asked him to watch this-- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180093/ and yeah. restricting him would make no sense. just talk ( dont be too preachy though) and enlighten him about the consequences.. preferably with real examples (your friends.. relatives .. etc) ... real life examples would typically make him think twice before indulging..
I can't really offer any personal experience. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. But quite frankly, it's not because I never thought about it. I just failed at all of them. Smoked weed and felt nothing. Smoked cigarettes and just found it nasty. And can't hold enough alcohol to get drunk before passing out. I am basically a failure at doing drugs.
Couldn't help myself. On the alcohol part I'm sure you've been drunk or at least tipsy; you just didn't notice it. You are blessed about the cigarettes being nasty thing; bad habit to start. Well the weed thing; the picture speaks for itself.
Education education education. 1) Teach him about drugs. Show him druggies. Show him people who had dreams and let their dreams slip away because of drugs (atheletes/musicians depending on his interests). Illustrate to him the contrast between different paths based on HIS choice. Make it for HIM. Also, his friends are not necessarily evil. It could just be a slip from their parents, pressure at home, anything. 2) You absolutely must also brief about friends. Do not refer to any specific friends of his. Just give him a refresher course on how to detect bad influence from friends. So set out a specific set of traits that he should look out for which determine good friends from bad friends. For example, if he says no to somethign and they pressure him through embarassing comments, force, etc.. When I was younger and had been drinking for years (which is a big deal because I'm Muslim), I came to the realization that my friends are a significant part of the reason I drink. I didn't enjoy it THAT much but I was getting hammered almost on a nightly basis. One day soon after I quit, my closest friend offered me a drink and I told him I'm off it. He proceeded to say how it's just a phase, etc etc and I still said I didn't want it. He kept pushing so I just very calmly explained to him that he is a great friend and that I understand that he just wants to have a fun time and party and and have a "wingman" but that I want him to respect my decision and actually help me with it. He was upset with HIMSELF. He stopped offering.. Later on through someone else I heard that he was even telling people that he was so impressed with what I've done. A little while later he quit drinking as well. Moral of the story: Equip your son to change his friends. Give him the weapons (knowledge) to be on the offensive rather than always try to be avoiding these things. Ofcourse, you also have to teach him that people make their own choices and some people will do what they want to do. We all make mistakes. But we do our best to avoid making mistakes, help those who are trying to avoid mistakes, and draw knowledge/experience from those who have avoided those mistakes.
Well, knowing who he hangs out with, the random drug testing sounds like a great idea. I'm not going to pretend to give you an advice on the matter since I'm not a parent myself, I so apologize for the following rant: More than anything, I can't stand parents who let their kids do as they please and simply watch or even abet their kids ruin their lives. So many parents grew up having done drugs themselves that they have some sort of guilt complex when it comes to their kids and drugs, and lack the conviction to intervene. So many of my friends, ages ranging from 23-30, already messed up their lives because of their addictions, and unfortunately, many of these friends had parents who were too understanding. My future in-laws are one of these people. I love my parents' in-law, they are cool people, but they are too cool for their own good. Their son, my future brother-in-law, who is also one my best friends, Shawn, is about to lose his home and family because of his addiction. Growing up, Shawn was a star hockey and baseball player at our school, but somewhere along the lines, started doing drugs. I remember when his parents "confronted" him. They didn't put up much of a fight after he used the "why should I not do drugs when you did" card. Now it's not too uncommon to find him sleeping in his own vomit late in the afternoon. He's lucky in that he has a wonderful wife and 2 beautiful kids. However, if he doesn't get a grip on his addiction, he will have to choose between his addiction or his family as his spending is much greater than his earning and it's understandable why his wife not tolerate an absentee father and husband, whose habit is costing them their home. I just wanted to share this with you to provide a little perspective to your situation. Good luck.
Firecat, Most kids are full of it when they say they drink alcohol and do drugs only a small percentage of Teenagers actually do. Most teens just joke about doing getting high. This might differentiate from different the kind of people your son hangs around, you should find out first or have some trust. Just don't let your son be brainwashed by stupid friends or other sources referencing how great drugs and alcohol is. If your afraid of your son doing drugs on spare time try to enroll him into a sport or an activity like pick up an instrument to spend some time on. I remember picking up the Bass guitar helped me kill some times while finding some good guys to hang around.
wait are we talking about drugs (narcotics, prescription drugs, alcohol), or are we talking about weed? Would have no problem with my kids smoking weed once they're like 16-18, or even the occasional psychedelic, but the other stuff is really bad. The natural stuff (weed, psychs) actually can unlock certain channels of the brain and have beneficial results. The other 'legal' crap like alcohol and pills are actually far more dangerous, then you get into the narcotics which can be devastating. So if your kid's friends are smoking weed, you're probably OK so long as they're just doing that.
