A friend of mine just sent me this site: http://rob.kogan.com/humor/airplane.htm There goes the rest of my day... Towergy : Captain, look at this! MCrosky : Passengers certain to die! Kramer : Airline negligent. Johnny : There's a sale at Penny's!
There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane? Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison? Oh stewardess! I speak jive. I haven't felt this awful since I saw that Ronald Reagan film.
Damn, you took my favorite one. Oh well, I'll have to go with: Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley. Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital. Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it? Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Reporter: What kind of plane is it? Johnny: Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripes, curtains at the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol.
Towerguy: Captain, maybe we ought to turn on the search lights now. MCrosky : No, thats just what they'll be expecting us to do.
Dr. Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land? Capt. Clarence Oveur: I can't tell. Dr. Rumack: You can tell me, I'm a doctor. Capt. Clarence Oveur: No, I mean, I'm just not sure. Dr. Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
This one kills me every time: littlboy: Excuse me, I happened to be passing and I thought you might like some coffee. littgirl: Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you. Oh, won't you sit down? Littlboy: Oh thank you. Cream? Littgirl: No thank you, I take it black . . . . . . like my men.
Elaine : Would you gentleman care to order your dinners? Jiveman1: Bet babe, slide a piece a da porter, drink si' run th' java. Subtitle: I WOULD LIKE THE STEAK PLEASE. Jiveman2: Lookie here, I can dig grease and butter on some draggin' fruit garden. Subtitle: I'LL HAVE THE FISH.
Johnny had a few good ones. MCrosky : Bad news, the fog is getting thicker. Johnny : And Leon's getting laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrger. Towergy : Captain, look at this! MCrosky : Passengers certain to die! Kramer : Airline negligent. Johnny : There's a sale at Penny's MCrosky : Johnny, what can you make outta this? Johnny : This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl. .
MCrosky : Johnny, what can you make outta this? Johnny : This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl. . .
My favorite Airplane quote. I love to use it when I order at Taquerias just to see the reaction from the person behind the counter.
Elaine : Would you like something to read? Oldlady: Do you have anything light? Elaine : Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... how about this leaflet, famous Jewish sports legends? Oldlady: Yes, thank you.
That's from Airplane II. Dr. Rumack: "I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert." McCroskey: "Bad news, the fog is getting thicker." Johnny: "And Leon's getting laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrger." McCroskey: "Your husband and the others are alive, but unconscious." Johnny: "Just like Gerald Ford." Johnny: "Where did you get that dress?! It's awful! And those shoes and that coat, geez?!"
Joey : Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers. Murdock : I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with some- one else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot. Joey : You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets. Murdock : I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence? Oever : Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here. Murdock : But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot. Joey : I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defence. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try . . . except during the playoffs. Murdock : The hell I don't!! ( grabs joey by collar ) LISTEN KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes. Oever : Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
Voiceman: There's just no stopping in a white zone. Voiclady: Oh really, Vernon, why pretend, we both know perfectly well what it is you're talking about. You want me to have an abortion. Voiceman: Its really the only sensible thing to do. If its done properly, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.
