Ok, so The_Conquistador is in somewhat of a rush to get a haircut today and my regular stylist was unavailable. I had no other choice but to go to a ‘mass market’ haircut chain for a haircut. I typically would not consider doing this, but today’s circumstances dictated that I must. The place is empty, and I am greeted by an Asian woman who speaks almost no English. I describe in detail how I’d like my haircut. I provide vivid details. She then proceeds to put the guard on the razor (I specifically instructed her to use no guard), and starts cutting my DRY hair. She didn’t even wet the hair, just starts cutting it. After cutting maybe an eighth of an inch off my hair, I am astonished when she removes my smock and hands me a mirror. I’m thinking, surely you jest! You hardly cut anything off! I tell her that the back looks good, now start in on the top. No response – I doubt she understood a single word. At this point, I’m steaming. I have an internal debate over whether I should even ask her to cut more off, thinking that the damage will only get worse. At that point, I figure it is best to cut my losses and leave. Reluctantly, I say, “ok”. She then wets my hair and proceeds to style MY HAIR with a Mississippi Cut. Part on the left and comb horizontally. Yes, we are talking about something Trent Lott would wear. Or a suburban dad. I am The_Conquistador. Women lust after me. Women do not lust after Mississippi cuts. To add insult to injury, after a no-words-exchanged haircut, after finishing combing my hair, she then opens her mouth for the first time to announce: “Sexy cut.” WHAT???!! I’m livid at this point. I place a $20 on the counter and literally jog briskly to my luxury SUV, in hopes of no one seeing me.
I hope you took the section 179 on that luxury SUV. As I always say, there's nothing like a good government subsidy to help support my spending habits.
Hmmm.... I don't know. Let me get back to you when I go there to get the hair on the top of my head cut.
This a great read. Maybe you should have unleashed your fists of fury on that stylist, even though she was a woman. Or maybe a firm, well placed slap to the side of the face, would have made the point.
You mean there are scissors on this planet that are capable of cutting your manly locks? Maybe you need to cut back on eating those unhealthy hippies and get some more fiber in your diet, may I suggest a more healthy diet of eating the fatter liberal hollywood actors?
About 10 years ago, I was getting a haircut from one of the lousy barbers in Saudi. (can't really complain when haircuts are about $4. ) Except this time I did complain. The dude was trying to give me a 1 shave on the side. BUt he went too high. so he tried to make the other side higher to make it match. But then made that side too high. and so he went to the other side and on and on. It looked aweful. I finally just said, you know what. Take it all off. Heh, went home with a buzz that day. The Family wasn't too fond of it. Okay back to studying to the EMT exam.
Notice the disturbing picture of the dog and the topless man. I think the dog's red rocket is partially visible. GIG 'EM
Ya know, T_J, if you're going to serve your country, you've got to get that head shaved according to regulations.....
