Why Men Don't Want To Get Married

http://www.thesuperjabs.com/why-men-dont-want-to-get-married/

I see it all around me. Miserable, unhappy people who didn’t fall victim to anything but their own poor stereotypes and unreal expectations in others. The one thing though they all have in common is they took the plunge…. and got married.

Marriage sucks. That’s what the popular consensus is - or maybe it’s my problem that I have surrounded myself with thirtysomething’s with negative attitudes. Sure - they exist - happy married people that is; but for the most part the view of marriage by those who are in it is something akin to a prison sentence. Think about it! 70% of marriages in this country end in divorce. I am fairly certain now that the other 30% must involve a literal prison sentence (Scott Peterson) or a nasty pile-up on the interstate/September 11th type event that leaves a lot of people filling out Social Security forms with the box marked “Widowed”.

It’s been on my mind a lot lately for various reasons. I’ve paid more attention to conversations from both sides of the gender mix. I hear these ridiculous generalities:

“He’s too controlling.”

“She nags me constantly for the stupidest little things. I feel like a beaten man.”

“He doesn’t care what I think.”

“My needs are not important to her.”

“We have sex twice a year - if that often.”

It makes me sick. Somehow these two people were once “in love” enough to buy the rings and exchange the vows - but now they could not hate each other more. They are bitter enemies. The last thing they would ever do is something for each other. An of course none of them walked down that aisle saying “5 years from now I will wish him/her dead and be in a bitter court battle over custody of our Bernese Mountain Dog.”


It’s just how it is sometimes. I am at a point in my life where I have already watched a dozen friends divorce, and I am hearing about more and more every day. Funny thing is to me - the new people I hear about getting divorced are people married 25+ years. These people waited that long to hate each other that much where a decision was warranted.

Now the one common thread amongst ALL the cases I keep hearing about is this:

THE MAN GETS ****ED OVER THE MOST.

Situation 1: My buddy Steve got married way too young. He knocked a girl up when he was 19 and she was 20. They married five months later and lived together in a small apartment over his parents house. They had two more kids after the first. Finally, about 7 years in to this marriage, they had saved enough by both working to buy a house. A month before they bought the house officially, we went out for drinks to celebrate. Steve’s wife confided in me at that point that she was miserable, and as soon as Steven bought the house she would leave him. I passed the comment off as “drunken anger”. Sure enough, 4 months after they moved in, his wife kicked him out. Within the first month - a man in a white truck was parked at the house overnight. Turns out she had been cheating on him for a while. A restraining order was filed against Steve because he - as any rational man who just got dicked out of his savings, his new home, and his kids to some other ******* - got angry.

Now Steve was not the “Husband of the Year” - but Steve also never cheated on his wife despite their problems. His wife lived in the house for a year before the bank foreclosed. Steve sees his kids twice a month now on weekends. The kids are not doing real well because of the anger between their parents. While I could say the biggest victim in this case were the kids - Steve pays his wife almost half his paycheck every week because she didn’t want him anymore…..

CONCLUSION: STEVE GOT ****ED.

Situation 2: Barry was a prominent dentist who, twenty-one years in to his practice had accumulated a good amount of wealth. This afforded his wife Beth to stay at home with their kids instead of working. The kids are now preparing to graduate high school and Beth has had too much time to watch fat cows like Rosie O’donnell on The View every morning. While Barry works, Beth watches television, then lunches for four hours with her girlfriends, spends $250 in an afternoon shopping for shoes - and then goes home to her middle-aged husband to complain about “nothing in particular” for whatever reason. Maybe she resented staying at home because she had no satisfaction from a career like her friend Nancy who works on Wall Street, never married, and vacations with her pool boy to Bora Bora so she can sleep with a twenty-five year old without feeling guilt.

Meanwhile - Barry is a great provider, but his wife has always been kind of a nag. He plays golf at the country club, and he has even been known to hire an escort now and then. But overall, he’s your average guy just trying to enjoy life and look forward to retirement and maybe selling his practice.

Well **** that. Beth’s resentment has grown too much to stay with her husband, so after 26 years of marriage - she asks for a divorce. After trying to contest it, Barry gives up and gives in because she’s already rejected him and it’s not worth saving the marriage. They have equity in the house, plus Barry’s practice and investments that total almost 2 million dollars. Beth hired a wonderful lawyer and because of the laws in this country, she got half of everything Barry had earned in his lifetime. Why shouldn’t she? She stood by him long enough to be entitled to her share when SHE made the decision to end it. There is no benefit to staying married for Beth when she can have all that money. In fact, she has another friend who is a financial planner and put her in to an annuity that will pay all her fixed bills while she can go start the career she probably could have had anyway if she stayed married to Barry. Barry however, has much of his equity tied up in his practice and he needed to keep that going - so he now works twice as hard, lives in a one bedroom apartment instead of the 4400 square foot house he called home the last dozen years - and uses his free time to drink a lot because the b**** he called wife screwed him over.

CONCLUSION: BARRY GOT ****ED

Situation 3: Cliff lives with Shannon. They have been married for 3 years. They have a 6 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. Cliff beats Shannon a good once or twice a week. He often does it right in the trailer park where they live - but every now and then he will do it in public when they go out for Sunday dinner at Denny’s or Howard Johnson’s. Shannon is too simple to know how to get out of this abusive relationship. But luckily, Shannon’s neighbor Pedro, the same pool boy who Nancy vacations to Bora Bora with - feels obliged to be there emotionally for Shannon while Cliff is working his sanitation job. One thing leads to another and they have sex. Cliff comes home for an unexpected lunch, sees the trailer rocking back and forth, grabs the shot gun out of the trunk of his 1980 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, and blows them both away while the kids watch. The police show up three hours later and arrest Cliff. He’s sentenced to life in prison for a double homicide because he is white and can’t afford Johnny Cochrane (not to mention Mr. Cochrane is deceased at this time), but the judge says he’s lucky not to get the chair for his actions. The kids spend their lives in and out of foster homes and eventually Cliff’s son meets his dad in prison some 18 years after his mom’s murder because he got convicted of dealing crystal meth. Cliff’s daughter gains more success when she moves to Nevada and gets a job at the Bunny Ranch as a slightly-higher-profile-than-a-street-corner prostitute.

CONCLUSION: Now this one is more difficult. Obviously Shannon got ****ed because she is dead. The kids definitely got screwed over - but in my opinion the person who suffered the most is Nancy who now has to vacation with a man she met on the train whose sexual stamina is like one tenth of Pedro’s….. so:

NANCY GOT ****ED.

Ok, fine, I stray off subject for the sake of entertainment - but the fact is, situation 2 seems to happen the most in this country. They may not be rich dentists who use escorts, but a lot of average guys get taken to the bank by their wives who decide they want something different. So as a man, your role in the new world of marriage, is to accumulate as much as possible so that someday you can be your ex-wife’s funding source.

It’s a negative view - but it’s all too real. Single women out there will argue against me on this subject, but the numbers don’t lie. If 70% of marriages end in divorce - and the man gets ****ed the majority of the time a pool boy’s death isn’t involved - then why would a man ever take the chance he will someday get to fund his ex-wife’s hatred of him?

Answer and ultimate conclusion: Don’t get married. Live together. Have kids. Treat each other right. Realize that you being a ****head of a guy or you being a b**** of a woman to each other has serious repercussions. Stop expecting everything and giving nothing. Love each other. Love your kids. Take away the stereotypes of what a wife should do or be like. Stop with the unrealistic expectations that he should read your mind. Treat each other like you would want to be treated yourself…. all the time…. not just when he/she isn’t pissing you off.

And laugh at all the dumb guys who continue to book banquet halls and ministers so they can someday be the girl in the white dress’s pension.

What is your experience/views of marriage?

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CONCLUSION: STEVE GOT ****ED

I know many people that went through this

Not me I make that (lady) pay for my truck note!!!
















j/k