I just got e-mailed some jokes -- hope you enjoy them!! ********************************************* St. Peter and The Lord are going over the last-minute details of woman, before putting her on Earth. "The nerve endings," said St. Peter. "How many will I put in her hands?" "How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord. "Two hundred, O Mighty One," replied St. Peter. "Then we shall do the same for this woman," said The Lord. "How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals," inquired St. Peter. "How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord. "Four hundred and twenty, O Mighty One" replied St. Peter." Of course, we did want Adam to have a means of receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn't we? Do the same for woman," said The Lord. "Yes, O Great Lord," said St. Peter. "No, wait," said The Lord. "Screw it, give her ten thousand. I want her to scream out my name!" ********** President Bush's First Meeting with Saddam Hussein: George Bush has just taken office and arranges a meeting with Saddam Hussein to try and improve relations between the two countries. Bush travels to Baghdad to meet with Hussein. When Bush sits down he notices that Saddam's chair has three buttons on the armrest. They begin talking, but after 5 minutes Saddam presses a button and a boxing glove pops out of Bush's chair and bashes him in the face. Bush, barely believing it, carries on talking but after another few minutes Saddam presses a second button and out comes a large boot and kicks him in the groin. Bush is #$%^ed off but still remains outwardly calm. They resume the talks, but after five minutes Saddam presses the final button, and from under the table another boxing glove hits Bush, right in the groin again. Bush is really fed up by it now and stands up to leave. "We'll continue this talk next week in the White House," says the President as he's leaving. Saddam, choking from laughing, is too proud to say no, so the appointment stands. A week later Bush receives Saddam in the Oval Office, and as Saddam sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of Bush's chair. As the meeting goes on, Saddam sees Bush press the first button, and ducks really fast, but nothing seems to happen. This doesn't stop Bush from laughing ... loudly. After this, Bush continues where he left off, until he presses another button. Saddam reacts really quickly, and jumps up. Absolutely nothing happens, and this time Bush falls out of his chair laughing. Saddam doesn't get it - what the hell is happening here? But he hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further. After a few minutes Bush presses the final button. This time, Saddam stays sitting, but Bush isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up from laughing. Saddam is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Baghdad." Bush says, "What Baghdad?" ********* ------------------ HOUSTON Rockets forever!!
WARNING: This joke is highly offensive, and can piss a great many people off. If you are normally offended by sexually explicit jokes, please do not read this, because I sure don't want to listen to anybody's b$tching. In the Garden of Eden, one day Adam leaves for a week on a business trip (to trim the porno bush no doubt, Simpsons reference). At any rate, while he is gone, Eve gets abnormally horny, and is willing to try anything to relieve the pressure. So as she is frantically running around, she finds a dinosaur and has sex with it. However, this does not satisfy her, so she continues her search for sexual gratification. She sees a monkey, and chases after the monkey for a while, but only manages to grab a tuft of its hair, and the monkey escapes. She continues her search, and later passes by a stream and notices a fish in the water swimming around. Completely famished by desire at this point, Eve is ready to try anything, and procedes to pleasure herself in any way possible with the fish. Finally satisfied, Eve relaxes until Adam comes back home and can resume his duties. From this story, scientists now know why dinosaurs went extinct. Scientists now know why monkeys have no hair on their asses. But to this day, nobody knows what fish really smelled like. (I told you it was offensive.... ) ------------------ "all your base are belong to us!" "you have no chance to survive make your time!" [This message has been edited by RunninRaven (edited March 03, 2001).]
