If Hollywood is going to continue making crappy movies, the least it can do is give us some nudity. Where Are the Boobs? By Daniel Kline Gratuitous nudity, once practically required in any movie with a female character not played by Meryl Streep, has practically disappeared from the big screen. Except for teen sex comedies, films have largely forsaken the tacked-on topless scene, and big-screen sightings of an unclothed female backside have become rarer than ones of Jim Belushi. This has not stopped film studios from advertising their movies using sexy shots that suggest if you pay up, you’ll actually get to see something. Men seem to continually fall for this tactic; the jiggle-filled ads for Charlie’s Angels had us lining up hoping for a naked glimpse of Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore or that other girl. As a basic rule, unless a film stars more than one actor over 60, a talking animal or Glenn Close, it should contain at least some nudity. This works out well for the male viewing population, who get a bit of a reward for sitting through awful movies, and for Hollywood, which reaps the profits. This philosophy has saved films like Shakespeare in Love, a terrifically boring picture that nearly every man with a girlfriend saw willingly because it featured Gwyneth Paltrow taking her top off. Make this movie without the nudity, and the few guys roped into seeing it would poke their eyes out within the first 45 minutes. Simply adding the occasional breast, uncovered backside or coeds-take-a-shower scene has rescued countless films from box-office disaster. Even the mighty Titanic, an epic piece of crap that basically remade Dirty Dancing and set it on a sinking boat, drew a healthy audience of guys placated by a few shots of Kate Winslet rolling around in the buff. Hollywood, of course, understands this desire for naked flesh, but must also deliver movies that reach the widest possible audience. This has led to an upsetting “bait and switch” tactic, whereby the ads for a film lean heavily on the T&A, but the theatrical product fails to deliver. Call it the James Bond technique, in which sex gets talked about and hinted at, but never actually happens. Offer just enough to get men into the film (though they should know that the PG-13 rating means they’ll be disappointed), collect their money and give them nothing. This works sometimes, as the $40 million-plus opening for Angels proves, but more often than not, a lack of nudity hurts a film’s success. Even looking at recent box-office offerings, you have to wonder why more of them did not add a little something for the boys. Perhaps it’s understandable that Helen Hunt remained clothed in Pay it Forward, but it’s hard to understand how Charlize Theron could remain dressed for The Legend of Bagger Vance. Why have Theron — a pin-up model who can barely read her lines — in a movie, if not to show some skin? It’s like bringing in Mr. T for a guest spot on a sitcom and not having him say “I pity the fool,” or going to a Billy Ray Cyrus concert where he doesn’t play “Achy Breaky Heart.” If the big actresses refuse to get naked, filmmakers should simply add scenes to every movie that take place in women’s prisons or locker rooms. If Hollywood insists on making so many bad movies, this is the least it can do for us. ------------------ Houston Sports Board The Anti-Bud Adams Page [This message has been edited by mrpaige (edited November 16, 2000).]
and here i was thinking this was yet another thread about Gore and Bush our favorite Boobs. Rocket River ------------------
No kidding...great post! And while their at it why don't they get those actresses that have never taken their tops off to do so? I mean...us guys frolick around topless all the time. Some of us may even have big boobs mind you(not I, though). But, what is the difference between a flat breast and a plump breast? Doesn't each sex get turned on by the topless opposite? I will start with my list of actresses who should definitely take their tops off to make for a better selling and more realistic movie with the theme "guys do all the time...so why don't gals?": Cameron Diaz Kirsten Duntz Winona Ryder(especially her ) Cheryl Ladd(she had plenty of chances) Jessica Lange(back in the day...especially in that football movie w/ Dennis Quaid; she was practically bursting out in that one) Oh...I dunno...the list could go on...but what is the point? It's just not fair....guys, keep your tops on from now on in movies. Then, it better be a damn good story for both sexes. LOL Surf ------------------
How would all of us guys like it if there were *****es shown in just about every movie. The guy lost all credibility with me when he stated that Theron's not a good actress. ------------------ "He was under more balls than a midget hooker."-Bobby Hill visit www.swirve.com
Rocketman, if your bleeped out word is what I think it is, then it's alright by me! Actually, I'll just settle for a decent butt shot every once in a while.
Wow, that was bleeped out? Just testing...vagina, testes, butt sex. (South Park reference) ------------------ "He was under more balls than a midget hooker."-Bobby Hill visit www.swirve.com
"Call me but love." Romeo & Juilet - Shakespeare ------------------ 'Deeds, not words, shall speak me.'
Denise Richards. ------------------ "There are two players carrying the Rockets right now. Hakeem and Olajuwon." Isiah Thomas
Atomlie****erniusowbuwosowjbs****iwuobwoubbastardoiednowibewp ------------------ Would you like to join the signature of the month club?
Denise Richards has a nice chest. Hopefully Tori Spelling or Jennifer Aniston will be next. ------------------ "UNBEATABLE"
Jennifer Anniston's boobs are highly overrated. They look like little gumdrops for chrissakes. Tori Spelling is just plain nasty! Give me Tiffany Amber-Thiessen any day! ------------------ My dream job is to be a Houston Rockets towel boy.
Jennifer Aniston Seen em'. Did two weeks extra work on "Picture Perfect". Believe me... Sweet! ------------------ 'Deeds, not words, shall speak me.'
There is enough space between Tori Splling Boobs to park a large truck. ------------------ www.JEFFforGOVERNOR.com [This message has been edited by SmeggySmeg (edited November 16, 2000).]
Please elaborate. ------------------ Nederland 2002 Rockets crush Bucks. Read The Cat's latest game recap.
Gr8-1 has the best idea in here. Denis is freakin fine. I also wouldnt mind Jennifer Love Hewitt. Fadeaway I couldnt agree with you more. Aniston is okay. She aint all that. Especially not her chest, which I would rate way below average. And I also agree Tori Spelling is freakin nasty !!!!! I would pay her to keep her clothes on. Even her dad is better looking then her. I also wouldnt mind seeing Tiffany Amber Theisen. Now that is some fine ****. Outlaw must you keep on bringing up that nasty stuff in here? ------------------
