I have a buddy who is has a tendency to go to bars, pick up a random gal, make out with her, then go back to the wife. He claims since he isn't sleeping around and there is no sex, that its not cheating. Pretty sure the wife wouldn't agree, but I would never narc on him. However, is this a common occurance? He claims he knows a lot of guys that do this.
Is that cheating? ABSOLUTELY! No question about it at all. I certainly do not mean to be judgmental, but shame on your buddy!
Just tell him: "I saw your wife kissing this dude at a bar, but I didn't think I needed to tell you because she wasn't cheating on you because she didn't have sex with him." See how he likes THAT. ------------------- When is it CHEATING? When it is an action that he should be doing with his wife AND his wife doesn't know about it. ------------------- COMMENTARY: MATEO, your actions disappoint me. I am not proud of your award given to me anymore... I thought you would stop your friend from doing it or stop being his friend for doing such calamity. (can I pawn the award?)
How do the women involved feel about this? Do they know what they're getting into? This includes his wife as well. Most people would say that making out is a form of cheating, especially if you just keep doing it with every intention of going back to your wife, having your cake and eating it too, over and over. I have heard lots of different definitions, though. Some people even think that you can have "emotional affairs" that count as cheating just because you're have too good of a friend of the opposite sex.
That really takes some nerve. If his wife found out and dumped him, I would applaud her for doing it. No lady deserves that from her husband.
You know, I once played in a band with a guy who was married but had a girlfriend who worked with the band (not as a musician). Everyone knew what was going on, but, while his wife had suspicions, there was no evidence she was pissed or anything. One night, we had two gigs big gigs in a row downtown and right before the second one, his wife walks up to me and the following dialogue is exchanged: Wife: So, you guys rehearsed late last night. Me (knowing we didn't rehearse and thinking fast on my feet): Well, I didn't rehearse with them last night. I had to rehearse with ____ (insert the name of my other band there, which was totally true). Wife: Oh, really? Me: Yeah. If _____ (name of band that didn't rehearse) did rehearse, I'm sure it was to work in ______ (insert name of new keyboard player). Wife (looking me dead in the eye): Good answer. DAMN! I knew from the minute she asked the question what was up, but I had NO idea what my bandmate was doing the night before. I honestly had no idea if they got together or what. I'm guessing he was with his girlfriend, but what do I know? About 2 years later at another gig, his wife got up in the middle of our show, stormed across to the girlfriend who was sitting on the other side of the club and, in between songs, took off her wedding ring, threw it on the table and said, "If you want him, you can have him." Right on that cue, we literally started into the next song. My bandmate just shook his head an laughed. Good times....
Hey, hey, hey...I am not supporting his behavior....I was just sorta shocked when he said that his attitude is a common one. He lives up in CT so I am not there to stop this from going on. However, he did come in town last Friday and he picked up some gal and thats when this dialogue started. Swolly, don't give up on me yet.
For real, though... you know it's wrong, right? And he doesn't have an ounce of thought about it being bad? Seems like you two are different enough to see this difference. How, then is it that you can be a friend of this guy's when you know he's doing this? Next time you see his wife, if you have some decency, you will WANT to tell her about this. Just because you two are buddies, you won't say anything, but deep down you will know it's wrong. Dude, I don't know, man... I am such a wimp I would tell, but I am glad I don't have to.
It's a hell of a lot easier to tell someone to narc on their friend than to do it. I don't really understand why people have a specific, concrete line that they cannot pass to know when they have cheated. If you need to know this line, then you are already thinking about crossing it and might as well get out of whatever relationship you are in. Kissing (passionately, not a peck on the cheek or lips) is a kind of cheating. Is it the same as screwing a girl? Not really, but I could see where a significant other would see it that way. I'm getting married in 3-4 weeks and my bachelor party is next weekend. I've already been told by my fiance (who knows there will be strippers present...she will have some of her own at her bachelorette party) that were I to kiss any of the strippers, that is cheating. I was a little offended she felt the need to tell me this, but it definitely put her mind at ease that I knew. However, she doesn't seem to think it is cheating were I to honk on said strippers' hoo has. She worries more about the emotional aspect of it than the physical, which I think is not atypical for women. So in that sense, mateo's friend is most definitely cheating.
I know its wrong, and I would not do the same to my wife. However, his comments that he knows a lot of guys that do this seemed odd, and these days nothing seems to surprise me, so I figured I would ask around here and see if you guys think he's full of crap, too. Like I said earlier, he lives in CT, so its not like we hang out that much. He does work in the city but he rarely gets a hall pass....mostly because he has a 3 year old daughter. Raven, another buddy of mine went to Vegas with me to go to a bachelor party...his wife reminded him that if was going to get a bj from a stripper, make sure he wore a condom. He was freaked out all weekend that his wife had lost her mind...not because he would have hooked up with a stripper, but because his wife said something so completely random. However, she had some weight and self-esteem issues at the time, so I was not that surprised.
I'd say its pretty much cheating once you covet another woman. Unless sticking your tongue down someone's throat is somehow not considered "coveting", then I'd say its cheating.
