This one gets my vote: A wife, tired of her husbands impotency decides to have a visit with a doctor. The doctor gives her some pills to give to her husband. He tells her to give him only one though. She goes home and gives him a pill. Next day she visits the doctor, and tells him the sex was okay. Doctor says to try two pills. She tries two pills and liked it even better. Next day three pills. She was having fun. But the day after she gives him all the pills to take. Well now the doctor gets a visit from the couples young son. He says "Doc what the hell have u done to my parents? My mom is in a coma, my sister is pregnant, my ass hurts, and my dad is in a corner going 'here kitty kitty'"! hehehe ------------------ Fun Police Says: 1. Posting in stupid threads is not FUN! 2. Spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure are not FUN! 3. Stupid BBS names are not FUN! 4. Conduct yourself in a FUN way! The Fun Police are Watching. Vote for the Rockets & Have FUN or be Assimilated.
Three big, rugged cowboys are out at night, sitting around a fire. One is from Arizona, one is from Montana, and one is from Texas. They had just finished a supper of beef and beans and are relaxing around the fire when they start to talk about who among them is the toughest. The Arizonian tells about how he once was attacked by a two-thousand pound bull, but he wasn't worried. He wrestled the bull to the ground and snapped its neck with his bare hands, so he must be the toughest. The Montana cowboy, not impressed with this story at all, starts talking about the time when he fell off his horse in the middle of the desert. His horse died and he was miles from anywhere, with no water and two broken legs. He couldn't walk, so he pulled himself through the sand with his arms, living off vultures he managed to catch with his teeth when they came down to peck at him. He ended up pulling himself through fifty miles of burning sand dunes before making it to a town. When he made it, he didn't even ask for water or a doctor. He just downed a shot of whiskey and lit up a cigar. "Now that's tough!" he exclaimed. Meanwhile, the big Texan remained quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his dick. ------------------ My dream job is to be a Houston Rockets towel-boy. [This message has been edited by fadeaway (edited August 23, 2000).]
"Read my lips, no new taxes." ------------------ "I'll drop kick those f*ckin' dogs if they come anywhere near me." visit www.swirve.com
This seven year old boy begs his dad to take him to the circus. When they get there, the little boy sees a bunch of kids standing around a clown, so he goes down to see what's going on. The clown is asking all the kids if they were an animal, what kind of animal would they be? So he asks our little seven year old boy: "If you were an animal, what kind of animal would you be?" "I dunno." "Would you be a duck?" "No." "Would you be a dog?" "No." "Would you be a dolphin?" "No." The clown's getting a little ticked off, he thinks the kid's just being a little smartass, so he says, "I know what kind of animal you'd be, you'd be a jackass!" All the kids are laughing and pointing, "JACKASS, JACKASS, JACKASS!!!" The kid runs home crying and vows that day to spend the rest of his life plotting his revenge against the clown. 30 years later, the circus returns, much to the surprise of the little boy who's been waiting 30 years for his chance. He goes to the circus, sees the same clown surrounded by a bunch of kids asking the same question. The guy goes down and the clown asks him: "If you were an animal, what kind of animal would you be?" "I dunno." "Would you be a duck?" "No." "Would you be a dog?" "No." "Would you be a dolphin?" "No." The clown's getting a little ticked off, he thinks the guy's just being a little smartass, so he says, "I know what kind of animal you'd be, you'd be a jackass!" All the kids are laughing and pointing, "JACKASS, JACKASS, JACKASS!!!" And the guy goes, "Oh yeah? Well f*ck you clown!" ------------------ "I'll drop kick those f*ckin' dogs if they come anywhere near me." visit www.swirve.com [This message has been edited by Rocketman95 (edited August 23, 2000).]
Dan and Peter were walking through the woods when they came across a deer with his head stuck in the fence. Immediately Dan runs over behind the deer and drops his pants. He does his duty for a little while and then finishes up. "Now it's your turn" says Dan to Peter. So Peter sticks his head in the fence. HeyPartner, CriscoKidd and Smeg are walking down the street. Smeg says, "I must have the smallest hands in the world". CriscoKidd says, "I must have the smallest feet in the world". HeyPartner replies, "And I must have the smallest peter in the world". So the three head back to Smeg's house, grab some Fosters and kick back. CriscoKidd notices a Guiness Book of World Records so he starts thumbing through it. "I do! I do have the smallest feet in the world!" he screams. Smeg runs up and flips a few pages and replies: "Hey... I have the smallest hands in the world!". HeyPartner comes over, flips a few pages and asks: "Who is grummett?" ------------------ I've posted so much that what I say must be true. The latest on Maurice Taylor [This message has been edited by Achebe (edited August 23, 2000).]
Difference being that Bush had 200+ willing Democratic accomplices in Congress. Clinton didn't get a lot of help from the Republicans in boinking that pig Lewinsky. Three mice are sitting around talking about how tough they are. The first mouse says, "I'm the toughest mouse around. I can eat a whole wedge of rat poison and smile while I'm doing it." Second mouse says, "Pffft, whatever. See this tail? Got it caught in a mousetrap and gnawed it off myself to escape." Third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this crap. I'm going home to **** the cat." ------------------ Is it ironic to say you've sworn off swearing?
BrianKagy and RM95 are walking through the woods when they come across a hole in the ground. They stop and look down into it. BK: "Man that's a deep hole." RM95: "Yeah, I'm going to get a rock." RM95 throws a rock down into the hole. They listen and listen, but no sound. RM95 gets a bigger rock and throws it down into the hole. Still no sound. They start to get annoyed. BK: "I'm going to get something bigger." RM95: "Okay." BK finds a railroad tie, rips it out of the ground and brings it back. He and RM95 prop it up next to the hole and then heave it down into the hole. They listen and listen... no sound. All of a sudden a goat comes running by and jumps down into the hole. BK and RM95 shrug their shoulders and listen and listen... still no sound. A farmer comes up and asks "hey guys, have you seen a goat?". RM95 says "yeah, the weirdest thing happened, a goat came running by and jumped down into this hole". The farmer replies "nah, that couldn't have been my goat. My goat was tied to a railroad tie". ------------------ I've posted so much that what I say must be true. The latest on Maurice Taylor
He could have vetoed Kagy! ------------------ "I'll drop kick those f*ckin' dogs if they come anywhere near me." visit www.swirve.com
One day a furry little Rabbit was eating some foliage in the petrified forest. As he was eating, a bear came up to him and asked, "Hey rabbit, how you doing?" The little, furry, white Rabbit said, I'm doing fine, but one thing has always troubled me." "What is it that troubles you?" asked the bear to the rabbit. "I've never figured out how to wipe my ass after I go to the bathroom." Said the rabbit. "All rabbits have this problem. It troubles me." "Bears don't have that problem.", said the bear. "So, how do you do it, how do you wipe your ass?" asked the rabbit of the bear. The Bear smiled, then proceeded to grab the rabbit by his fur and wiped his ass with him. ------------------ humble, but hungry. [This message has been edited by PhiSlammaJamma (edited August 23, 2000).]
DISCLAIMER - First off if you get offended by racial jokes, don't read this. If you do read it and get offended, get a sense of humor because its just a joke. One day a Florist goes to the barber for a haircut. After the cut he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service." The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and dozen roses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay he barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door. A Mexican cook goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The Mexican cook is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there? A dozen Mexicans waiting for a free haircut!!! ------------------ Don't you have anything better to do?
Agreed! So, in the spirit of bi-partisanship, I submit the following: My girlfriend was very horny. She dragged me into the bedroom, ripped off my pants and said "Ooh baby! Give me 12 inches and make it hurt!" So, I screwed her 4 seperate times and hit her over the head with a baseball bat. ------------------ Bring It!!
I didnt ever think Kagy would know any jokes All of these are funny, but my vote goes for Jamma, Pimp, and my own ofcourse. ------------------ Fun Police Says: 1. Posting in stupid threads is not FUN! 2. Spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure are not FUN! 3. Stupid BBS names are not FUN! 4. Conduct yourself in a FUN way! The Fun Police are Watching. Vote for the Rockets & Have FUN or be Assimilated.
A guy walks into a bar and sits next to a gorgeous blonde. After finishing his first drink he turns to her and says "I bought this magic watch yesterday, isn't it a beauty?" The blonde looks at it and asks "what does it do?" The guy says "right now it is telling me your not wearing any underwear." The blonde says "But I am wearing underwear." The guy says "Damn, I must have set it an hour fast." ------------------ In order to be a success in life, you need 2 things: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
confusion is - 30 Blind Lesbians at a fish market ------------------ President of the Rockets/Raiders Fan Club
A man goes into a bar and sees a woman with the largest breasts he has ever seen. He reluctantly approaches her and says sheepishly, "I'm sorry to bother you, but you have the biggests breasts I've ever seen and I just have to know if they are real. I don't mean any offense. They are just SO impressive." The woman smiled and said, "Well, yes they are real but I got them in an odd way. You see, I stood in front of the mirror and said, 'Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my boobs this tall (holding her hands out in front of her chest).' And, they just appeared." The man thanked her for the information and headed home. Upon arriving, he took off all of his clothes and stood in front of his closet door mirror and said, "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my ***** touch the floor." And his legs fell off. ------------------ Save Our Rockets and Comets SaveOurRockets.com
A 50-year-old woman came home from the doctor's office with a huge smile on her face. Her husband said, "Why are you so happy?" She said, "The doctor told me that I have the body of a 20-year-old and the breasts of a 24-year-old." Her husband replied, "What did he say about your 50-year-old ass?" She said, "Your name didn't come up." ------------------ Save Our Rockets and Comets SaveOurRockets.com
A young boy is waiting by the side of the road, trying to catch a ride by hitchhiking. After a few minutes, a car stops. The driver leans out and says, "Son, are you a Republican or a Democrat?" When the kid answers, "Democrat!", the driver slams the door and screeches off. This happens several times, until finally a gorgeous blonde in a convertible pulls up. "Are you a Republican or a Democrat?" she asks the boy. Having learned his lesson, he promptly answers, "Republican", and the young woman lets him into the car. They're driving along now, and the wind is beginning to push the blonde's skirt higher and higher on her thighs. Try as he might, the boy cannot help but become aroused, until finally he shouts, "Stop! STOP! Stop the car, let me out!" The blonde asks him, "What's the matter?" And the boy answers, "I've been a Republican for ten minutes, and I already feel like screwing somebody!" ------------------ Is it ironic to say you've sworn off swearing?
No more political quotes unless they're actually humorous. I don't want this thread to degenerate into another political debate. Thanks. ------------------ Is it ironic to say you've sworn off swearing?
