Okay, it's a bit of a long story, but I'll offer the most abbreviated version I can give... My best friend is a female. I've been good friends with her for about 5 years now. When I first met her, I instantly fell in love with the girl. I translated this insatiable love in my 16 year old mind into relationship-quality love. She's quite a weird girl though, hard to read. But at the time, I was with someone and that relationship lasted a year and a half. Then she was with someone. Then she was single. So I tried and tried to hook it up with her, but since she had become one of my closest friends by now, I wanted to do things subtly. I never came on too strong, I just did little things to let her in on my crush. Then, it turns out, my best friend at the time tells me he has been in love with her forever. Well, I gave him a fair chance, used my friendship with her to connect the two. I would bring him along every time I hung out with her and vise versa. I didn't want to be unfair to the girl, or to the guy, so I gave them both a chance (or reason) to get to know each other better. Well, about this time, a bunch of stuff went awry leaving the two males in this equasion wanted by the law. I turned myself in, but he ran. While I was in prison for 2 years, the two of them hooked up. When I got out in January, I met up with her again and tried to avoid him as much as possible because of bad blood related to the legal scenario. Of course I see him a lot, because now me and this girl have grown to be very very close friends. But as far as me and her go, I've grown to realize that my love for her is deeper than just some relationship-type love. It's genuinely universal. I love her in every sense of the word. But about a month ago, the three of us got drunk at my house. He went to sleep early and the two of us stayed up. Well, we ended up messing around on my couch and he ended up waking up and walking in on it. We pretended to be asleep, but if you saw the shortage of clothes and the exposed body parts, in combination with the body postitioning on a tiny couch; there was no doubt what was going on. I thought I was going to be murdered laying there, but he just "woke her up" and got her to take them home. Nothing was said of the event for the past month. Then today, she was over at my house for awhile, and we got to goofing around. She was lying on top of me tickling me and I was kinda reciprocating the playfullness. I ended up biting her just below her shoulder and barely above her left breast. Well, we went to her house after this and thought nothing of it. I was installing Blubster on their computer and she was in the room getting dressed to go somewhere. The boyfriend/ex-best friend of mine comes out of the room and I begin to explain to him how to work Blubster. He interrupts me and says "Can I ask you a question?" in the sternest tone I have ever heard that stated. And I say sure. He says "Did you bite (name to remain anonymous) on her tit?" And I say "Ummmm...Yeah.... I bit her, but not exactly there" He goes on to say "It looks like a hicky" "Well its not" "Whatever it is, that's just f----ed up dude. What the hell were you thinking? That's f---ed up. You need to chill the f--- out." "Well, for what its worth, it wasn't in that context at all." "How in the hell is a bitten breast on my girlfriend in any other context" "It just wasn't." And he walked out of the room to talk to her about it for the next 30 minutes. Then she and I left to go somewhere for a little while and he's still back at the house. She just dropped me off, saying how she didn't really want to go home. It's just a crappy situation. As a sidenote that should explain a little, he's in a situation where he CANNOT literally live without her support and her name on things. I won't elaborate on that much, but she knows this, I know this and he knows we do. He also knows that she's kind hearted and could never screw him over by throwing him out or breaking up with him even when she often feels like she doesn't want to be in a relationship at all, like its smothering her in her young age...Just a crappy situarion. Any advise?
that guy doesn't deserve her. lettin you rot in jail while stealin the girl that you loved in some sorta way. really tough situation, but i think it's obvious that you and the lady should be together. she shouldn't stay with him, because the longer she's with him, the more he'll get hurt, seeing you two goof around and then eventually leave him in the dust. she should tell him that they're through (boyfriend/girlfriend wise), but both of you should help him out until he can rely on himself again. and one more thing...you shouldn't bite her tit no more until they're broke up so that you two can officially become an item without pissing him off (or until he's out of the picture bf/gf wise).
Stay the hell away. Nothing good can come to you from this situation. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Right now you are the guy that she can have a little fun with and she knows that she can stop it before it gets too far. It will never advance beyond that. If it does and you have sex with her...due to her relationship with the other guy...she could falsely accuse you of date rape (happened to a buddy of mine in college). Or she could just fess up to it and the other guy could kill you. If she does eventually leave this guy to be with you, I have 3 thoughts: 1) Never be the rebound guy. That always ends poorly for the guy. 2) The guy could kill you for revenge. 3) If she messed around with you while she was living with the other guy...then what makes you so special that she won't do it to you? (This happened to ME in college) Through personal experience and seeing what my friends have gone through I can tell you that any continued involvement you have will only lead to more heartbreak. Run...run fast and run far.
That's rough man. I guess you have to decide if you love her enough to get involved in something that is potentially very messy. I think I would just remain friends until they fall apart and then reasses the situation. Then again, if she's the non-assertive type you might have to let on how you really feel about her to get that falling apart process on the road. Sex would be a bad thing though, stay out of that until they're done.
Slight correction here: while I agree with most of Refman's statements, the first is not true. I married my rebound girl and she married her rebound guy. Hint: we were both rebounds.
dude, i would back off from the situation. its sounds like you really care about her, but it doesn't seem as if anything good can from this. sorry to say it.
How long had you both been out of relationships? If you 2 hopped out of relationships and instantly in the one between you two...then you are indeed the exception to the rule.
Man that story took quite a turn when the prison issue popped up, no offense but that cracked me up for some reason.
Hey Dallas, Watch your back. Really. I'm pretty sure you know how to be careful, but there are a buttload of ways where you could end up back in prison. And that would suck, because we haven't got to hang out yet and reminice on old times and go to a Rockets game. And it would suck because you'd be in prison. You know what's really wierd? Even though the details are vague, I have been in some pretty similar situations. Except the 2 years in prison never happened (it could've/should've been more) to me, my best friend got off on technicalities, and it was I moved on the girl after we discussed it. Friendships are more important than being a narc. And I believe you've made the right choices. Though, at least he should have let you kick his ass for free to release your frustration of prison...unless you're too peaceful of a man now. Y'all seem smart enough and even headed enough and controlling of y'alls own emotions enough to be able to discuss these issues without too much drama. I mean the drama will be there, but y'all are great friends right? So, it should work out. If you truly love her beyond comprehension, then don't let principals and rules of behavior get in the way. I deeply believe that happiness from true love supercedes money, drama, problems, whatever. Other people are more pragmatic. What you should do depends on what you believe in. Later man, Kim P.S. When your life gets less hectic, call me up so we can hang.
Tough situation. I'd say follow the advise of those suggesting you cool it with her and avoid moving forward. If you just did 2 years you obviously don't want to do anything to end up back in the clink and if push came to shove what could be self defense could be misconstrued (sp?). Good Luck.
Dtown, please allow me to give you some advice. You have made it very clear that you truly love this woman, and I can understand that you want to help her in any way you can. Many are telling you not to be the rebound guy, but from experience, I want to advise you not to be the catalyst that breaks these two up. If you are the cause of a breakup, there will always be doubt if the right choices were made. I know that you want to save her from what she is going through. I know that you don't want to abandon her in her time of need, but if your presence is causing tension in her relationship, your presence is putting her at risk and you are giving her an easy out. Don't abandon her, but make it clear that you can only be her friend. Don't even bring up the possibility of a relationship later. You can not allow her to know that you are a "safety net" for her. It makes it too easy for her to make a decision. If she decides to leave your ex-best-friend, it will have to be because she wanted to leave. Not because she knew that you would be there to take her. This question is very important, and think hard about it. Is your ex-best- friend violent or does he tend to react aggresively. You used to be his best friend. You should have an idea about his tendencies. From what you have said, he does not seem to react violently, but you know this guy better than any of us ever will. I know that you are going through something very hard. I have gone through something very similar and in my situation...well, let's just say I don't want anyone to go through what I have gone through. Good luck.
Thanks for all the feedback guys...I haven't been able to get online the past couple days or else I would have responded sooner. Refman, I'm actually not seeking the position of "Rebound Guy." I'm less of the Dennis Rodman type and more of a Tracy McGrady/Allen Iverson type - pure scorer. That was a joke, but in all honesty, your post is something I have considered many a time in the past. No matter how positively I have ever imagined this situation to work out for me, I am always grounded by the fact that I would be in no better a situation. The point that was brought ut of her being the 'fool-around' type is actually moot though. It's just that me and her have a very unique relationship. We are both conscious of our dispositions with the situation, yet we use that 'universal' love I spoke of earlier as a way of channelling our relationship into a friendship. It's a very good one. I haven't ever had a friend who I cliqued with to the extent of this one. For that reason, I am not willing to leave the situation altogether. I'm just gonna be more conscious of what I'm doing when I'm with her, because I don't want to end up being a homewrecker (for the exact reasons Falcons Talon stated). And Kim, thank you so much for the encouraging words. I can already tell that you and I have a lot in common with issues regarding the fairer sex (especially taste). I'm not gonna be down in Houston any time soon, but maybe we should reserve some of the few remaining Smeg World tour tickets and catch a game then. BTW, I never wanted to kick his ass for what happened in regards to my prison fiasco, because if that were the case, I'd have to issue a lot of ass kicking to quite a few of my "friends" before the incident. And besides, I'm much to peacable a man to let grudges get to me. I just hope he is too. "I shall not shy away from the grasp of Death; so long as it comes at the hands of Life." That's my new saying....fear is of no consequence so long as you're living to the fullest extent of that term...Living.
It was your fault in the first place for letting the two of them hook up. If he was too scared to approach her, you should have said, "F**K YOU! You don't have the balls to ask her out, then step back!" You also screwed yourself by letting him run. You should have dragged him down to the cops with you and turned BOTH of you in. Hell, you should turn him into the cops right NOW if you don't like him anymore... Personally, I'd stay away from any kind of "relationship" with her. If she's messing around with you behind this guy's back, what makes you think she won't turn around and do the same thing to you if you two start dating? I'm sure there are plenty of sex-starved ex-cons out there for her. If you just want to screw her a few times, then go for it, but she sounds like bad news to me. One is a tramp, and the other is broke punk ass that is afraid to fess up to what he did wrong. I'd stay away from both of them.
