What the hell is...

The third and fourth I found amusing. I'd ditch the first two.

 

in the same vain

Things I hate about Everybody Else



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f$ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F$cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f$ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema to stare at the f$cking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f$ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f$cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

 

Please have a drink for me.

I'm on the wagon.

 

This is the best post I ever read by Smeggysmeg!

 

10. ROXRAN

 

It's classic George Carlin.

 

That's really a great idea. If I really have to go, I get kinda impatient.

And if I need some change I'll start patting my ass too.

 

...wrong with people that can do "anything" yet they can't figure out why they can't get a job.

In my line of business(recruiting) I get people calling me everyday that say "I need a job", yet when I ask them "what do you do", more often than not they say "anything"....then dead silence. Well you ****ing Einstein, why in the hell are you calling me looking for a job?! Shouldn't you be out performing brain surgery, figuring out how to break the speed of light or making billions running your own company. You can do "anything" you call me looking for an $8 an hour job?? I desperately want to beat these people with the end of my phone.

Then there are those ****ers that get in the grocery line with 20 items and are paying with a check when it is a 10 item, cash only lane. Are you stupid or do you just enjoy being a dick?

Oh, and they guy or gal that pull so close to the car in front of them, refusing to let you into their lane in friggin rush hour traffic. It's not like they are really going to get home that much faster because they didn't let you in. As AB would say in Fort Worth.......fuuucker. ;-)

3 semi-warm, leftover, keg distributed Shiners down....

 

rotflmao!!!
Those are figgin halarious!!

 

i just had the worst experience at the grocery store this evening...

first of all, i made the mistake of going at 6pm. Not having worked in 9 months, I forgot how bad traffic is at this time. I'm usually at home watching Seinfeld reruns at 6pm. But today I needed some bread to make a sandwich, so I thought I'd make a quick 10 minute dash to the local grocery store. WRONG! It took an hour!

I fight through gobs of traffic. I get to the store, pick up a single loaf, than head straight for the "10 items and under" express lane. Express lane? I think watching the first chest hair grow on a 13 year old boy would have been faster! There was this guy 4 spots ahead of me in line who apparently had never used a credit card before. This man was easily in his mid-40s and didn't know how to use the swiping machine! It took him 17 minutes (yes I counted) to buy 3 items b/c the damn machine confused the hell out of him! He finally gave his wallet to the cashier and made her use the machine for him! I was ready to knock the idiot out! After 15 minutes, I casually state aloud "dude, have you ever used a credit card before?" too bad he was too confused to hear me, but suddenly the rest of the line (which had backed up to the frozen pizza section by then) suddenly started agreeing with me.

After this dumbass finally gets out of line, the next person in line starts arguing that her coupon wasn't expired, even though it clearly stated that it was. why are there so many morons in this world? and why do they have to be at the grocery store at the same time as me? honestly, sometimes i like the fact that i'm unemployed and don't have to socially interact with the r****ded people of this world on a daily basis. My apartment is my fortress of solitude where I hide out from the fools of the world!

 

My goodness you showed remarkable restraint in waiting 15 mintues before saying something. I have zero tolerance for ineptitude. I would have been giving the evil eye after about 1 minute, and would have been vocal after 2.

Coupons?!?!? wow -- I didn't even realize they still made those things. I share your sentiments. It really is amazing what's out there.

 

Funny beer run story....one time I went on a beer run before a Rockets game, a hooker in a white Cadillac tried to "pick me up". I had two fresh Mickey's 40's and was on Greenbriar about to turn left onto Westherimer, heading back to my apartment behind Slick Willies when this attractive blonde haired chick in a big white Caddy pulled up next to me signaling for me to roll down my window. She asked what I was doing and I told her I was heading home to watch the Rockets game. She then asked if I wanted some company. I admit, I was caught off guard, but quickly realized what part of town I was in and what was going down. I decided to play along and asked her how much and she said $150 to which I responded I didn't have that kind of cash on me. She immediately responded by saying that she could take a credit card. Fortunately the light turned green, I told her "I ain't the one" and took off. I never saw her again, but I did see that same white Cadillac parked outside of the former St. James on Greenbriar.

 

AB, I got this one from Conan. "hey, did you guys hear about the French attacking McDonalds? They ripped off his mcnuggets. His mcnuggets.

 

Why the hell do people yell - "Hey Stop!" When someone steals their stuff.

Whats the thief gonna do, say "Oh sorry dude, here let me give you this back."