I am not very happy right now. I think things between me and this girl are about to end. Last Saturday, we went out for the 4th time. I took her to a nice place to eat for dinner and then we went on to see a movie (we saw the James Bond movie). We got back to her place after 10. We are sitting there in my car in her driveway in the dark. I leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek (she let me do this on the last date) and she leaned into me. Well, after kissing her cheek (somewhat sensually, I should add), I moved my mouth towards her mouth. I came within an eyelash of getting a mouth kiss, but she pulled away at the last second. She started into this whole mess of "this other guy" and that she implied that if she kissed me on the lips that she may wind up being confused. She also stated that she still feels herself as a very conservative woman. Yet, she had no problem with me holding her hand, putting my arm around here at the movie, playing with her hair, etc. One of my friends (the one that thinks she is "exaggerating" about this other guy) thinks that this is her way of keeping things slow in this relationship. I went on inside her house and stayed for like 2 hours and we talked and everything seemed to be okay. As I left, I gave her another kiss (on the cheek ), but she leaned forward and hugged me after I did that. I had already mentioned to her about doing something this coming Friday and she didn't say no. Well, I have tried really hard to temper my feelings and emotions towards her, and one way by doing that is not calling her every night. I usually call her twice a week. Well, I get home early from class Tuesday night, and I'll call her up around 9. Her stepfather answers the phone and says that she is not there but that he will tell her that I called. Well, this was the 4th time that I have called her house and she was not there. The other 3 times she called me back pretty soon (twice the next morning and the other time like 10 minutes later on her cell phone). Well, I didn't expect to hear from her Tuesday night, but I was a little surprised to not hear from her before I left to go to work yesterday morning. I get home last night, and still no call from her. I continued to ride this thing out, but as I went to bed last night, I still had not heard from this girl. No calls this morning before I left to go to work. I finally called her at work (she had given me her work number) and said something to the effect of "You sure have been hard to track down of late!" She told me that she was sorry that she didn't call me back and almost called me Wednesday morning, yet she never mentioned about calling me last (Wednesday) night. I asked her if we were still on for Friday and she said yes, but she had to ask what time and where it was (which that was somewhat disappointing). She told me that she was going to check in with me tonight (if she hadn't heard from me) on finalizing things for Friday. I told her that I have to work on a take-home final but I could talk to her and we could have another "long and meaningful" discussion. She was like "Don't stop working on your exam to talk to me." I had to reassure her that it was no big deal and that I have it planned out on how to finish that thing. At any rate, I let her go since she was at work as was I. But I can't help but feel that the level of interest is not there anymore on her part. Maybe she has just been really busy, but she has always returned my calls promptly in the past. I really like her, but I am not going to let any woman make a fool out of me again. I'm sure that I am overreacting and that things will go well tomorrow, but this type of stuff has never been easy for me. I guess that is why I have always felt that I will be single for the rest of my life. At any rate, maybe the best thing to do is to see her tomorrow and call sometime next week just to talk but make up some excuse in not seeing her. Maybe taking a weekend off from seeing this girl can re-ignite interest on her part. Hell, I don't know. I guess that is why I gave this thread its title...dating sucks!!
Manny, I mean this sincerely. I'd really back away and leave the ball entirely in her court. You are correct, IMHO, that she is not giving you the right signs of reciprocated interest. A lot less attention from you will either: give her space to figure out how cool you are on her own (i.e. to see what she's missing); or, let you cut your losses if she's not going to come around. Good luck with all this.
I think you should call it off for Friday, use your take home final as an excuse. Tell her you're sorry, you were really looking forward to it, then don't call her all weekend. That'll go a long way in discovering how she really feels about you. She may very well realize that she misses you and that you're the one she wants. She may not call at all and it's over. However, if you keep this up, she won't be forced to make a decision anytime soon. Good luck.
Manny, this reminds me of the last girl I dated before marrying my wife...I really hate to see you upset at the situation and from what you describe, she seems like a nice person. I had dated this girl who would pull this "conservative" thing also...when we both talked about the future and injecting implications of increasing the level of the relationship, yet she maintained this conservative nature that confused me... I think the root of the situation is like my example, 2 people with different perspectives on going through this dating experience. My reasoning sounds almost too simple to consider, but two people have to be on the same page to make a fruitful relationship...Both have to know the "unwritten" rules of the game. It's like calling a friend, I may decide to call you only after you call me and you may be on the same page with this and confused why I don't give you a ring as well as me...when in reality, ROXRAN hardly ever checks his e-mail and lost your number and while you check your email, have lost his number as well....O.K. stupid example , but what I'm saying is that 2 people can be on the same page regarding the rules of the dating game, but there is a lack of communication... So,...I think it's you and her simply not on the same page of what is wanted in your dating relationship,...or you two are on the same page and a way of working out a problem hasn't been worked out yet. At least that is my thought out response...My gut feeling is that you are too good for her and she can't handle what she thought she wanted till you came around...Whatever happens later, I hope it begets you the best!
Manny-- I am going to give you the best piece of advice I can. STOP mind****ing yourself!!!!!!!!!! You aren't doing yourself any favors here. When you start overanalyzing every move she makes (as you are doing) you will inevitably react by doing things that will make you feel like a total fool later. This is the way she is going to play it. If you can handle it...fine. If not, get out NOW. NO woman is worth this degree of agony. The kiss on the cheek thing is total BS. In my dating experience: 1) A kiss on the cheek is an Aunt Bertha thing. 2) A handshake or hug is a 1st date thing. 3) A heartfelt hug is a second date thing. 4) A brief kiss in a 3rd date thing. 5) By the 4th or 5th date you should have nice game of tonsil hockey going on. I have dated some VERY conservative women and that was pretty much how it went down. I have no clue how to read her on this. The other guy thing may be her way of keeping it slow. She may be afraid of getting too involved too quickly. But the other guy thing may be legit. Protect yourself and don't take on more agony than you can handle. There's no additional honor in making yourself miserable.
I agree. I just wouldn't have the time and patience to deal with that mixed signal crap. As soon as that **** starts happening I'd just be like, "Later!" I'm not going to be dragged along looking like a damned fool, while I keep ignoring the obvious "hints" she keeps dropping. Hint One: I'll give a mulligan. Hint Two: I'll give one last shot to make sure. Hint Three: 3 Strikes! You're out! There's a possibility she may have still been interested, but chances are, when a girl drops three hints consecutively (doesn't return phone calls, not sounding too entusiastic about going on another date, bringing up "another guy", etc...) it means she probably is no longer interested. Unless you're picking up on something that shows she still genuinely interested, I wouldn't let this go on too far. Her simply agreeing to a date, doesn't neccesarily mean she's interested, it could just mean she's having trouble "breaking the news." My advice probaby isn't very good, but keep in mind, I'm not a very desperate person at this stage, so I'm just not willing to put forth the effort. Eventually, that may change.
Keep her around as a friend only. Continue to attempt to sabotage and undermine her other relationship with the chump. Begin psychological warfare tactics on her. 1) Make her feel guilty 2) Make her feel sorry for you (relationship-wise) 3) Emphasize your success in subtle ways 4) Undermine her relationship with the other chump by contrasting the many good things you do versus what she is currently receiving from the chump 5) Tell her that your family really likes her (or if they haven't met her, say that your family likes what they've heard so far) 6) Talk about other women with her -- make her jealous She will eventually cave.
Best advise on this board. Only you know if you really want to be with her. If you do, then go for it. Why play mind games with her when what you feel are her mind games frustrate you so?? You seem a pretty open and honest guy -- the board junkies here know more about your relationships and feelings then they know about those of some of their closest friends -- so why start with the psycho strategizing over when to call and what to do? Be open, be yourself, and enjoy your time with her. If she's not ready, or if it's not to be, then at least you will have had some good times with her. Whether she is receptive to you or not will not define whether you are a better or worse person. I've never regretted being honest and 'who I am' with a girl, even if it didn't work out. I've sometimes wondered 'what if?' when I didn't give it a shot. Good luck This dating thing is pretty easy once you're out of the game. .
I disagree with much of that. Points 1 and 2 will simply make her loathe you. I someone says we should spend a week apart, you say two weeks. Never give concessions on the run, meaning if she is pulling away don't give more. Women are quite insecure and want usually what they can't have or think they don't deserve. Don't pay as much attention to her and if she comes back, she's yours.
Oh, yeah, that is definitely the first thing you do. The way you want to begin a long and meaningful relationship is with psychological warfare. If there is one thing you want, it is for her to feel really sh!tty about being with you. This is always at the top of my list. Even better! Who needs respect when you can have pity? What if you aren't successful? The main thing you want to do is spend as much time possible comparing yourself to the other guy, because, even if she loves him more, she'll realize you have nicer forearms and a smokin' leather jacket and that will turn her heart in an instant. Then, maybe she'll want to be your sister. Oh, yeah, this can't miss. "Your sister is pretty hot. You ever notice that?" This works particularly well when you aren't dating anyone else and really have no other prospects. Very realistic. Because that is really what you want. Who needs love or care or trust or respect? Just get her to cave. Given her desire to not have sex before you are married, you'll have a long courtship and possibly a big expensive wedding to a woman who settled for you. But, at least then, you'll get to have sex! Geez, TJ, this isn't a hostile takeover, it's a relationship. If you end up in a relationship with a woman like this, you deserve every ounce of grief you're gonna get. Manny, Seriously, you know I wouldn't bull**** you. Time to pack it in. This girl is stringing you along and it is only going to get harder for you if you continue to play second fiddle to this guy. If she really liked you, she wouldn't avoid your phone calls (which is what she is doing) and she wouldn't keep telling you about the other guy. Just let her go and if she has a change of heart, she'll come back to you. In this instance, no relationship is better than a sucky one. Sorry about the misfortune, man. That blows.
Damn...the old lost interest thing. If she has lost interest so fast, it's not too early to put her in the friend zone. Turn it around on her. It gives both of you an easy out. Maybe you two need to just be friends, but you tell her so that you don't feel like you were dumped. If she fights to keep you as more than a friend, then it's your call. Good Luck...Now that I'm 32, I don't think I would stress about something like this.
Manny, why don't you come Salsa dancing tonight with Ms. HP and her girlfriends at Skybar? Stiff cover, but nice girls - ladies night. I'm going late with my dance partner. I'll hook you up for at least one dance after 11. Dude, you already know. Get out and shake it with some new girls and have some fun.
listen to Jeff above...good advice! sorry things didn't work out this time, Manny...but you never know how things will ultimately turn out. it sucks now, but that's the magic of life.
Woah there pahdner. She did't return his one call. I'd hardly call that a pattern of behavior. You may well be right...I just think the jury is still out on this one. Now this is interesting. She may just be strangely honest. I've seen that before. I just wonder if she's told the other guy about Manny. If not...then I think you're right on that one Jeff.
Exactly right about how you don't know how it'll turn out. About a month into my current relationship, RM95's Girl decided she didn't want to be RM95's Girl. It was pretty abrupt as we seemed to be having a great time before that. I was pretty damned bummed about it, and sulked for a couple of days (called her too, since she decided she wanted to be friends). Well, around day 3, I said **** it. Stopped calling for a few days, even though I was dying to, and started to go on with my life. Sure enough, a few days later, she calls sounding hurt that she hadn't heard from me. I let her do the calling for a week or so, then a few weeks later, she was all mine. Not saying that's how it'll work in this situation, it just sort of goes along with most people's recommendation. I agree with Refman the most, though. Stop mind****ing yourself!! I did, and it worked out.
I agree. Stop thinking. Things will go whatever way they are supposed to go. But when you start thinking you end up pushing them in the wrong direction and eliminating any possibility. So just keep on the same path and whatever happens happens. Just do what you would normally do. This isn't a game. It's just two people hanging out together.
Thanks guys. I sorta knew last night when I hadn't heard from her, that it was about time to give up the ghost. It really sucks because this girl has everything I am looking for in a future mate plus she is the 2nd best looking girl I have ever had a relationship with (more than 1 date). I want to remain friends with her, but I think it is best to quit seeing her. I want to see if she comes around like RM95's girl did. If she doesn't, then it is no big deal. But I will miss the good times that I did have with her. But I will call her and tell her that she is still welcome to come to this concert tomorrow night, but I'm going to work on my exam and get a good night's sleep (I'm going to Atlanta for the SEC Championship Game Saturday). Then I'll see how she REALLY feels about me (which is probably nothing).
