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[VENT]was i wrong?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by The_Yoyo, May 28, 2008.

  1. The_Yoyo

    The_Yoyo Contributing Member

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    ok so a little vent thread here

    there was a friend of mine at work who like 8 months back or so wasnt doing to well and it was pretty obvious to anyone her mood and manner had completely changed from what it used to be. i pieced around some tidbits of info from her was able to gather that it was because she hasnt been doing too hot in school and was dimissed as a result. i felt bad to hear this i have had a friend my freshman year who didnt do well and had to leave ucla for a year before getting re-admitted.

    after a few talks with her she did confide this herself to me and it confirmed my suspicions. i was the only one she told outside of her best friend so i felt there was a lot of weight on my shoulders because of this and also it didnt seem she or her friend were doing anything to help her/herself out. so i stepped in a bit and tried to help her out in whatever way i could outside of financial means.

    i tried getting her to finish the JC classes she was in but she didnt care to try that or anything. she said she liked studying at a coffee shop so i got her a gift card at a coffee shop to encourage her to go there and study and not having to worry to spend any of her own money there.

    she didnt really take it too seriously at first she kept saying the right things but not doing anything. so seeing my efforts go to waste i pretty much called it quits and essentially ended our friendship as well. (I am a type of person who can stand idly and see a friend hurt themselves like that, it just bothers me too much so i either help anyway I can to better themselves or step away as a friend so i dont hurt myself)

    so about a month ago she tells me out of the blue that she got into a re-admit program that the university provides where she would spend the summer in this program and she would be re-admitted in the fall.

    i was really happy for her and i believed she was telling the truth this time because her mood was totally different from the times before. and it wasnt a one day thing i saw a few times later in the week and each time it was the same so I had to believe that.

    so we were just talking last night about just random crap and then she was like yeah i dont know if i can make it in at 9, maybe 10 actually i dont know. she was like yeah i want to come in early i dunno.

    so like 11 rolls around and i txt her that yeah looks like you're not a morning person i hope your classes arent in the morning.

    she responds: shut up and leave me alone

    to summarize the subsequent txts: she got mad because she felt i was underestimating her and assuming she was just sleeping in and not doing something else. i told her i didnt say she was sleeping but thought that because she didnt say she had anything to do in the morning but was like I am going to be in at 9, then says no 10 and then says no i dunno. that to me sounded like someone who was more like i'll be in when i wake up so i said yeah thats what i had assumed. then she says that if i had assumed that then i dont really know her and that we're not friends

    i told her if thats the case then maybe we shouldnt be friends, but i'll let you decide
    then she responds: never talk to me again.


    so here i am now. i wont talk to her again because i think she never really did any of the stuff she said she did (about getting into the readmit program) and with the date of start getting closer and closer it will be harder to cover up lies. i feel really bad for her because she is just messing up her own life. i wasnt really looking for anything out of this friendship except seeing her get back into school and do well. (i was never trying to hook up with this chick so yes no pictures will be posted...)

    right now i just feel a bit bad because if the case of its just myself and her bf who knows her secret then she really doesnt have too big of a support group and if i cut myself off then i dunno what will happen to her. I dont want that guilty conscience on my head.


    so was i wrong saying maybe we shouldnt be friends?

    /vent

    i feel better now just typing it out. it doesnt matter if no one responds but i would have liked some other people perspectives who do not know the person actually. if i ask some people at work i will have broken her secret to others she knows which will be terrible for me to do.
     
  2. MattM

    MattM Member

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    She's obviously got some problems. Is she hot?
     
  3. Hayesfan

    Hayesfan Contributing Member

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    Sounds like she has more issues than merely ones with school, Yoyo.

    She over reacted to a comment about mornings that was probably mostly in jest by you and you probably over reacted a bit to the comment that you didn't really know her.

    I would think that once she calms down if you really are part of her support group she will apologize.

    More than likely her problems stem from something else going on in her life other than the classes she is taking. It's possible that if she is very self contained she isn't telling anyone everything and just bits to people.

    I hope that she does calm down and contact you to apologize for saying it. Sounds like you want her to be a friend still.
     
  4. LonghornFan

    LonghornFan Contributing Member

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    Got pics of her cans?
     
  5. DaDakota

    DaDakota If you want to know, just ask!

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    Text her this:

    "All I was trying to do was help and be a good friend, I wish you nothing but the best"

    And then let her make the next move.

    DD
     
  6. bladeage

    bladeage Contributing Member

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    People who don't help themselves are not worth it... sometimes.
     
  7. justtxyank

    justtxyank Contributing Member

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  8. bladeage

    bladeage Contributing Member

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    lmfaooooo
     
  9. no_answer

    no_answer Member

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    Boring.

    What the heck is clutchfans turning into? Dear Ruth.
     
  10. Invisible Fan

    Invisible Fan Contributing Member

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    Depends on how close you are to her. Some people just need time on their own to figure things out. She's smart enough to know that her life isn't on the level right now. Think of the pressures she has from her parents and all the friends she hasn't told yet.

    If you really want to keep her as a friend, tell her what you wrote here, and back off a little. I don't know about giving her money...she has her parents for that. Just give her support and less judgment on her mistakes. Her reaction could be that she's hurt from your lack of confidence (or she could be moody). Whatever....as a friend, it's not how you feel from what she's doing, but what you do to make her feel better in her time of need. She might just need someone to talk to. Don't give her money or promise her rewards when she does things you want her to do.

    Some mistakes take more than a year or two to correct. Hopefully she isn't an addict or cutting herself, but even the easiest answers take a lot of time and stumbling.






    And if she's hot, hit it and don't quit it.
     
  11. SWTsig

    SWTsig Contributing Member

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    not gonna lie... i got about 3 sentences into that novel before i gave up.
     
  12. rrj_gamz

    rrj_gamz Contributing Member

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    ^word...

    Have you hit it? Maybe she's mad bcause you haven't yet...
     
  13. First Lady

    First Lady Member

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    I agree with hayesfan, it sounds like she has a lot more going on than just the school thing.

    Maybe there was some truth in the comment you made and she got defensive because she's dealing with other problems too. The school issue could be stemming from something else.

    You could probably let her know that you're there for her if she ever needs you and then just leave her alone. If she wants to remain friends, she'll know that all ties aren't cut. (this is of course if you want to still be her friend)
     
  14. LonghornFan

    LonghornFan Contributing Member

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    This forum is starting to remind me of a housewife forum, something like Vanity Fair or something. How in the world did people ever make real life decisions on their own before Al Gore invented the internet?
     
  15. SWTsig

    SWTsig Contributing Member

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    rock paper scissors
     
  16. Bandwagoner

    Bandwagoner Contributing Member

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  17. macalu

    macalu Contributing Member

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    what's her secret? it's not like she'll read this board. :)
     
  18. swilkins

    swilkins Contributing Member

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    Yoyo,

    Your heart may be in the right place, but your head is way too involved. If you expect that your actions will change what's going on inside someone else's head, you have set your expectation way to high. Only set attainable expectations for yourself; not others.

    Just back off and leave her alone. Whatever happens will be what is supposed to happen. Don't get yourself worked up over it.

    I've learned that when dealing with people all you can really do for them is pray for them.
     
  19. Hayesfan

    Hayesfan Contributing Member

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    Some times you wanna go, where every body knows your name...

    <object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FD8ljNobUys&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FD8ljNobUys&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>
     
  20. macalu

    macalu Contributing Member

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    go in for the kill:

    [​IMG]
     

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