True Story About the Houston Rockets Locker Room

Well, one day I was sitting in a trash can in the Houston Rockets locker room. The end of the game was playing on the TV in the middle of the room, and I could hear the end of it as Bill Worrell crowed, "Another blow-out win for Houston...Calvin, this is unbelievable! The Rockets are on a rampage!" Answered Murphy, "It's wonderful. It's wonderful. This team is the most overachieving team in the League. Give Rudy his due. This is a contending team!"

So I heard footsteps - many of them - like a stampede. I heard gleeful shouting and laughing as I got comfortable in the trash. The door burst open and Steve Francis shouted, "WE ARE THE BEST TEAM IN THE WOOOORLLLD!" Cuttino Mobley yelped from behind as Kelvin Cato and Yao Ming, smiling and talking together, gave each other an enthusiastic high-five. Bostjan Nachbar, who had hit a huge shot with 38 seconds left that proved to be the game-winner, ran in hollering and jumped in Francis' arms. Rudy T, laughing, hugged Moochie and Yao and looked around in merriment. The Rockets were, at the moment, 16-2, the best team in the NBA.

Cato came up to his coach and looked at him sincerely in the eye. "Coach, can I pleeeeeaaase have a pay cut?"

"What, Kelvin? A paycut? What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to eat all this capspace. Plus, money doesn't mean anything. I've got my girlfriend, we're winning, and I still got my baby."

Coach T: "You have a baby?!"

"Yeah...Betsy, my purple rainbow van," Kelvin responded.

"Oh," laughed Rudy, patting him on the back. "Right."

Steve Francis bounced happily across the room to Eddie Griffin's locker. "Hey, Griff. Want some coke?" Griffin looked at him worriedly and said, "Uh, Steve?...I really don't think you should be messing with cocaine. I mean-" "Eddie, it's a bottle of vanilla coke!" Griffin broke out laughing as the two of them had to clutch each other's arms they were chuckling so hard. Moochie Norris took the Coca-Cola out of Francis' hand, shook it up, and sprayed it all over his two teammates who were laughing their asses off. The room suddenly exploded with a racious chant of "Rockets, Rockets, Rockets!"

Yao Ming strolled over to Stevie's locker and said, "Wassup, dawg. You see da new Jay-Z vid, it's off da heezy, son! I swear, G, the track kills ev'rythang!" It is silent in the locker room for a moment when I hear an unbelievable uproar of laughter from every side, every corner. As it dies down, Stevie says jokingly, "Aw, Yao. You need to talk to Cuttino about that! He's the bigger rap fan!" Ming looks a little discouraged, and Francis puts his arm around his shoulders - well, his chest - and says, "Don't sweat it, man. We still love you. Come on. I'll go with you shopping at the Hong Kong Market. I'll try the sushi this time." Ming says, "Thanks Steve," and they talk excitedly about Chinese food.

Nachbar, fresh out of the shower, saw Maurice Taylor coming toward him. "Hey Mo," he smiled. "Come here, Boki," Taylor motioned to him. They went in the bathroom. "You were great out there, man," said Mo. "You're all around great. I'll confess: at the beginning of the season I wasn't convinced you were any good. But now - but now, man...you got me. You are an awesome player and a cool guy. Friends?"

"Of course, man," replied Boki. "I understand your concerns. You just...can't judge a player by their nationality or the color of their skin."

"I know I know. I'm so sorry."

They give each other a big-hunky-dory-"Full House"-type of hug.

Yep. All is good in the Rockets locker room. Little did they know on that peaceful early-December night that in less than 6 months they would be NBA World Champions.

 

Exactly.


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