To Be A Drunk Again

Tonight
Trashed and repulsive
Swilling beer with no point

Destroying Downtown
You have lived amongst the neat contemporaries
Unworried about love
It’s a crisis you’re better off without

The guilt will die
The scorn will subside
And you will once again yearn
For an alcoholic spell
Meant for bums
And fathers killed off in your neglected son’s unwritten novel
It don’t matter
You’ll feel good
Happy and free

But the beer will weigh down your soul
Wishing you can pick
The lock she just closed
With the urgency of a pursued woman
In the middle of a dead night

And you will be sorry
For remembering evil
And for being social and charming
A temporary lapse in your nature
Of being a destroyer of dreams

You want to get high and meet the moon
As it becomes alive
You hurry down the stairs
Dizzy and crawling with regret
Unsure if your fast steps
Will ever bring you back to the sunshine
You once coveted as your own

You keep drinking
Halfway to a hazy kingdom
Where your drinking
Makes you anything you want
And more

The carousel of memories
That seems to follow you around
Inflict a jagged sense of nostalgia
That makes you believe
That leaving that sleeping woman in your bedroom
Will alleviate and free
The wilderness growing massively
In the confessions of your dreams

And I’m sorry
But I have to be a drunk again
And I’m sorry
But I have to extend my lease
With the nonsensical conditions of this insanity
You will soon forget me
You will soon forget that I ever touched you
You will realize that I always hid my dysfunction
Below the prosecuted whispers of my being

I will never have these days back
I will only have my drunken notes
Scrawled underneath photographs
Of us smiling with bodies pressed up closed
Unaware of the race
That our hearts created
To never meet again
Since 2002.