The Scoundrel's Guide to Womanizing: Buy Her Dinner or Drinks?

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-The Scoundrel

Rule #14: The first date should always be drinks. Never dinner.

Sometime in high school, you figured out that the movies make a laughably-bad first date. Eye contact is impossible. You're both embarrassed by the awkward arm-around-the-shoulders thing. There's no drinking. (On the upside, there's no talking.)

You ruled out the movies, and you settled on that time-honored first date: dinner.

It’s time for your next leap forward: dinner’s just as bad.

Instead, meet your girl for drinks.

Right off the bat, you save a hundred bucks. That's the obvious perk. But look deeper. Here's the surprising, happy truth: denying the girl dinner has zero downside. None. In fact, it will actually help your chances.

If you go to dinner, one of three things can happen. Let’s imagine three hypothetical dates: Stacy, Gretchen, and Candy.

Date #1 – Stacy

Dinner rocks. You’re charming, she’s gorgeous, she laughs at your jokes, you can’t believe you’re sitting at the table with this blonde hottie. You leave the restaurant and it’s 10:30. It’s too early to go home, so you’re off to a swank lounge to booze her up and seal the deal.


Date #2 – Gretchen

Blah. She’s not so cute in bright light, she won’t shut up about her roommate’s annoying dog, and she’s already rolled her eyes at you twice. After dinner, you hug awkwardly and agree to call each other, even though you both know that you'll never speak to one another ever again.

Date #3 – Candy

Jackpot. Underneath the dinner table, her hand’s on your knee and she’s telling you about the time she kissed a girl during truth or dare. She whispers in your ear and asks if you’re okay with casual sex. You skip the post-dinner cocktails and head straight to the sack.

Hypothetical: What would have happened with Stacy, Gretchen, and Candy if you just skipped dinner?

The watchful reader has quickly realized that for each of these three dates, dinner itself is redundant, and could have been short-circuited by heading straight to a bar. Let’s examine each one more closely:

Stacy (She's Hot and/or Possible Action)

Good chemistry is good chemistry. Whether you're poking at salads or sipping martinis. With Stacy, you would have dropped $100 on dinner and another $80 at the follow-up bar. Better to just head straight to cocktails. If you need a change of scenery, head to a second lounge.

Gretchen (She's Ugly and/or No Action)

Gretchen is a waste of your time. Why let her waste your money? If you skip dinner with Gretchen, you save the hundred bucks. Plus, had the two of you been sampling fruity martinis, instead of awkwardly choosing appetizers, you both would have been more relaxed and might have had a better time.


Candy (The girl you've seen on Girls Gone Wild)

Please. This girl’s ready to party. For this girl, up the ante. You and Candy should be scouting for a third.

The bottom line?

So there’s no downside to skipping dinner. And it saves money. Drinking offers other advantages, too. A restaurant setting can be stuffy and formal. Your date has the uncomfortable task of assessing how expensive a plate she should order—Caesar salad or the lobster? You’ve separated from your hotttie by a wooden table, making even holding hands seem like a treacherous, transatlantic journey. Whereas at a bar you can sink into a cozy sofa, knees pressed together and her hair brushing your shoulder. Bars are more intimate.

Oh, and to quickly cover the obvious, at a bar, the girl will imbibe alcohol. Lots of it. If you need help understanding why that's an advantage, then there isn't much hope for you after all.

To arrange drinks instead of dinner, there's one last handy trick: lie. Tell her that you have to work late, but you'd love to meet up with her for drinks-- how's nineish?

See? Lying works. Everyone wins. Because you're not canceling on the date, even though you have a good excuse (working late), you come off as a nice guy. And you pocket your dinner-money for someone more important.

 

Heh. Was actually curious to see how well this logic works in Houston. That's where I'm from, but I haven't lived in H-Town since high school, so I have ZERO idea how the adult-dating-world works there. Maybe it's tougher to casually "meet for drinks" in Houston, but it's a breeze in NYC.

 

Hey, I don't know who wrote this! The byline was anonymous...

 

All kidding aside, I have much, much respect for my friends who don't drink but still go out.

I wouldn't ever cover up what you're drinking. If people have a problem with you drinking Coke, screw 'em. You're actually able to have fun without the assistance of substances. In my book, that gives you a big leg up.