You may have seen it before, but if not...enjoy. The Poop List Sometimes when poop happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a poop. Here are some poop definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family... Ghost Poop You know you've poop. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl. Teflon Coated Poop Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it! Gooey Poop This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This nuts leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. Second Thought Poop You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more. Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop This kind is the kind of nuts that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. Bali Belly Poop You poop so much you lose 5 kilos. Right Now Poop You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down. King Kong or Commode Choker Poop This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house. Wet Cheeks Poop This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet. Wish Poop You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop! Cement Block or Oh God Poop You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop. Snake Poop This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long. Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house. Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) You'll know it's alright to eat again when your not a very nice person stops burning. Beer Drunk Poop This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shiit doesn't smell too bad, but this nuts is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house. The Frightened Turtle The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in The Bungee Poop The kind of poop that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water. The Ring of Fire Poop The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your not a very nice person feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter. The Crippler The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down. The Big Bobber The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface. The Poopty Poopty Bang Bang The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam. The Incredible Hulk Poop The king of shiit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size. The Jack the Ripper Poop The kind of poop that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out. The Party Pooper The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise. The Toxic Gas Poop The kind of shiit that makes you pass out and fall off the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town. Dirty Bowl Poop The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl. The Windy City Poop When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop. Oh Poop! Poop You nuts so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH POOP! The Never Ending Poop It's the poop that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more nuts runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Ouch That Hurt Poop The type of poop that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
this happens to me often because i often suffer from short term memory loss. i have one of those toilet deodorizers that you put in the tank part and turns the water a very deep blue. at night sometimes i forget to flush, so when i wake up in the morning and lift up the lid to take another crap i looks like the lochness monster swimming in a lake of algae or something. pretty freaky looking. what makes it worse it that once you lift the lid, the smell permeates the air and smells twice as bad from when it first came out. air freshener isn't worth a darn. i use "summer rain" glade religiously, but when i forget to flush it just makes the bathroom smell like schit on a rainy summer day. gross, huh?
The parts about it happening at someone else's house are right on! Also the pop a vein in your forehead poop should be familiar to us Atkins folks. Hilarious stuff! Should I be worried that I find this so funny?
Wow, What a list. I personally think I have a problem with pooping. I average about a hat trick a day. Thats a lot of poop. I don't know if its healthy or not. On weekends, sometimes I get a Hat trick before noon. I think I just have a healthy digestive system. What is a healthy amount to poop????
This list just reminded me of something I noticed on my water bill the other day...Our waste water consumption was WAY higher than out pottable water...just thinking aloud here...
Oh why did I click that!? What's even more mind boggling is why did I keep clicking? That s*** is horrible! Good list, laughed my @$$ off. I'm sorry Twhy77, but I couldn't help but laugh at your unfortunate situation.
The Never Ending Poop It's the poop that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more nuts runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken. had that a few days back
I usually have a combination of two or three different kinds of poops. My favorite is the pop a vein/never ending poop. After you are done you feel about 10 lbs lighter and can barely walk. You just want to lay down and moan. Aaaaaaahhhhhh
