Well, I've never done this, but I figured it would be good to at least read something about what I'm going through. It seems as though my 2 1/2 year relationship with my gf has ended. She says she no longer feels the way she once did, and she doesn't think 'it's' there any more. Keep in mind this was a very serious one. She had talked about getting married, where she wanted to live, what kind of house she wanted...etc. etc. She always said we'd be together...and I believed it. Now she says she just doesnt' feel the same way anymore. She doesn't know why, but she does. Anyway....I just need to know the experiences of other people that have gone through something like this. Those of you that had breakups after long relationships....what you did, how you moved on, did you get back together, etc. I guess I just need to see that I'm not alone in this experience, even though I'm alone - personally - again. And yes, I feel stupid for doing this...
I'm sorry. That's rough. If that really is the reason... just because "it" isn't there anymore... that's too bad, because you can't expect to feel like you just fell in love for the whole rest of your life. I guess it's hard for some people to get off that emotional roller coaster, which our society glorifies so much, and settle down. Maybe she's just confused. Time will tell... see if she shows up with someone else in the near future (just because a lot of times that's the real reason whether people admit it or not). I'm sorry for what's happened to you because it might be rough going for a while; however, on the positive side, look at all the freedom you have now. Better than waking up trapped one day and wishing you still had that. I don't have any breakup stories to share because I've never ended a serious relationship. Thought about doing what your girlfriend did, but not necessarily on a permanent basis... my boyfriend acted like he wouldn't ever let me come back if I even experimented with that. I was too afraid of making a mistake, so I stayed with him... hopefully that wasn't a mistake in itself, but there wasn't really anything wrong with our relationship. Sometimes I wonder if everything was right, though. It's all relative. If anyone on this bbs has a perfect understanding of relationships, how they should work and how they should feel, please speak up now and help the rest of us...
the worst thing for me was all the talk during the whole relationship about how i was the love of her life, and she wanted to be with me forever. just saying that over and over, you start to believe it. and only to have it all fall apart. i hate to say that i dont believe that anymore, but its probably true. i mean ill at least go into the next relationship a little more skeptical of that sort of talk. then if that one ends..i want get hurt as badly. or ill just move to wyoming and buy a bunch of dogs, and talk to them instead.
They normal thing I tell younger people with this problem, is that you will grow with this and it probably will happen to you 2 more times. So be ready for it to happen again and learn from this now! If it does not feel very very good on both sides, it is not right and marriage will be worst, plus include a kid in this and then things get really bad for both of you! If you get to this point you, you are just like 40% of the rest of the population. This is common, the right decsion can really only be made now and this is probably what she is doing to you now. Good luck.... I also am still learning
I've been through almost that exact same scenario twice already and I'm only 20. All I have to say to you is don't get discouraged by this. The heart is a resilient thing, it will empower you with life through love no matter how many times it's been broken.
I was with my ex gf for a year and a half. It was pretty serious. We always talked about being together forever and about all of that love of my life bs. Then after a year and a half she said she was 18 and she didnt feel like it, she never had time to party, be with her friends, etc. It really, really hurt for a few months, and to be honest, I still think about her at times (this was a year ago). We kept having sex for about 6 months, and we would go out occasionally, but nothing more ever happened after the breakup. The best advice I have is go out and find someone better. It is a daunting task, but just dating other people will really help you get your mind off of her. Also, if you can, its very hard, but try not to have any contact with your ex. The more you avoid her and dont talk to her, the more she will think you have moved on and forgot about her. This *may* make her realize how important you were to her and she might want you back. Thats about all I got, but I hope its some help to you dude.
Keep your chin up Rokkit... I had an almost 8yr relationship end. It took me a couple of years to adjust...dated a few crazy ladies...and then I took half a year off work and travelled. Just to get my head together. I met my wife whilst travelling...
I posted a couple of times here when my 3 year relationship ended with my ex-girlfriend, so don't feel stupid...or maybe I should feel stupid as well. Anyway, it's tough, especially when you don't want it to be over. I spent six months crying like a little b**** to all my friends with about a three week break when I hooked up with some girl I never should've hooked up with. Ultimately for me, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Not because I got rid of the girl (even though she was a bit psycho), but because it forced me to fix things about myself so that I could lessen my chances of ever feeling that way again. Of course, our relationship ended because we fought all the time due to horrible communciation between the two of us. It wasn't because either one of us just didn't feel it anymore. So maybe you should look back on the negative parts of the relationship. That maybe will help you not feel as sad about it, and it will also give you a jumping off point to help you improve yourself and your next relationship. If nothing else, don't convince yourself it's not over. Not knowing you or your girlfriend, I can't say that you won't get back together, but if you convince yourself you will, it just takes that much longer for you to get over it. Luckily, nearly 6 months to the day after our breakup, I found the girl of my dreams and we've been together for 19 months. So it will work out.
How old are you Rokkit? I hate the ambigious IT part of it. If one gives you a REAL reason you can look at your self and see if it is something you can fix or if it was something they needed to fix in them. BUt to be ambigious kind of leaves you no room to figure the situation out . . the WHAT WENT WRONG out. I hate to say it . . but most times . . .in situations like this it is for the best. It is almost like. . HEY I WANTED TO CHEAT but before i get into that . . i'll let you go. Better this BS .. than the finding out she cheating BS!!! Isabel - Experiment? If you in a serious relationship . . .what kind of experimenting is there to be done? [I'm a man so . . . explain it to me in terms a 6 yr old can understand ;-)] Rocket River
Hang in there Rokkit. Things turn around. There is a plan for you and it's usally twice as good as what you had.
It may have to get worse before it gets better...but it WILL get better. Every day that goes by will be easier. Time. That's all it takes. I semi-recently ended a 2 year relationship 2 weeks (yes, that close) before we were to get married. If you want details, email me. Maybe what I endured will help...maybe not. Either way, stay busy, do the things that you want to do, and keep your head up. Lean on your support group, whether that may be your family, friends, church goers, coworkers, Clutch BBS'ers , etc.
Rokkit. As weird as it sounds now, you'll soon be on to bigger and better things. I know it hurts now, but in the long run you'll be happier. I broke up with my GF of 2 years in October of 2000. She got another boyfriend about 2 months later. I was so pissed off and unhappy that I must have slept with every girl I had a chance to. It always made me feel better bringing home some skank then sending her packing in the morning. My cell phone is now loaded with #'s of these hoes that I never called back. The best thing to do is to exact revenge on your ex. Now is your time to get laid. And in the end, you might actually find a keeper. I found my new GF about 15 months later. We've been together for like 5 months now.
Rokkit -- so sorry you're going through this right now...i'll pray for you. I remember the "love of my life" (or who i thought was the love of my life) telling me she didn't feel the same way anymore after 2 years. absolutely heartbroken. a very cold and empty feeling. please don't let her string you along...if it's a breakup, make it a breakup. this girl played me out for a couple of months with, "i still love you" and other things i bought into. it ultimately made a bad situation much worse. i decided there would be a clear break when i left on a trip with my friends to destin...i came back and it was really like a fresh start. started dating another girl not long after that, but still was getting calls from this old girl saying, "i think i still love you," despite the fact she too was dating someone else!! she even called once while i my new girlfriend (the one from the Honda ad!!!) was there at my house...that didn't go over real well, i assure you!! remember...being joyful and being happy are two different things. if you have some assurances and confidences that exist outside of this relationship, concentrate on them....certainly you have friends and family who love you. that's worth being joyful about, even in the midst of unhappiness. and, again...i'll pray for you, rokkit. i'm sorry.
Just curious RM95, what do you think you changed about yourself? Those self reflective periods are great and make me feel good again, but I always seem to regress when I get into another serious relationship.
Well, the main thing is my communication with RM95's Girl. Everytime something bothers me, and I start to keep it inside, I remember how that'd lead to fights with my ex. So now, if she does something that bothers me (which is very rare), I'm sure to tell her about it. I also insist that she do the same, even though she doesn't really need any prodding from me to do so. Another thing is my anger management, however, I'll be honest, that's improved only recently. Like you, I found that I had regressed into my old habits whenever we would fight. However, about a month ago, we had a no holds barred fight that was probably six seconds away from the entire thing being over. However, we both calmed down, talked it out, and ever since then, I swear this is what Prozac must feel like. I've been calm as can be. No fighting, no getting stressed out, and only this week have I resumed my road rage. Seriously, it's been amazing. I'm not going to just hope it continues, I've bought books, and may even take some classes or counseling to really prevent its return. However, it really has been a major blessing to our relationship and my life in general. I'd like to think that it's even affected my posting here...I think it has.
What are you reading??? I too have an anger management problem. I'd never take my anger out physically on her, but I can yell with the best of them and it really is beginning to bother me. Email me or go ahead and post here.
E-mail me at blake@corp.swirve.com...I'm not home right now, and for the life of me I can't remember the name of the book I bought. I will say that the relationship book by the Mars and Venus dude really helped as well. Also, just to be perfectly clear-I've never ever ever even thought about touching my girlfriends in anger. I too, however, can yell with the best of them.
Sorry man, I hope I didn't come across like I was insinuating that you would go Tyson on your girl(maybe Major, but definitely not your lady ) I'll email you when I get home from work.
Well, no relationship is ever perfect, so if it's your first serious one you might always wonder "do I stay here or do I see what's behind door #2?" Did you really have enough time to date enough people and find out what you wanted? Oh well, it sounds like enough of you guys have had girls do that to you, and it wasn't much fun. So you'll be happy I stayed with my boyfriend. It was probably the right thing to do, though as they say in country songs "we'll never know what might have been"... Relationships make no sense to me. People try to generalize about them but I don't know if there's much to be said. All that makes sense is: get to know people, make friends with them, and eventually find one that you like, and who likes you back, and with whom you're able to figure out something that works for both of you. Then get off that merry-go-round and settle down. And as for other forms of experimenting... no, none of that, get your mind out of the gutter.
