The complete history of BBS message boards (warning: long)

OK, I've been reserching this for a while. After many, many minutes of painstaking research, I have compiled the complete history of BBS message boards. I hope this timeline is factually correct, as I'm certain that many people will point out even the slightest imperfections in my hard work...

15,000,000 BC - A caveman by the name of Gork begins the BBS era by chiseling on a wall "Meat no taste good...Blood stain fur underwear" Another caveman by the name of Nog replies with the first ever witty retort, "Ugh! You stupid as mosquito! You no heard fire? Fire cook meat, make taste good!" Little did these two know that they would start a craze of significant magnitude...

5,000,000 BC - Brak, the great great great great great great great great (you get the idea) grandson of Gork, chisels "Why you stupid people still walk...You no heard wheel? Wheel go fast...ha ha ha...". The first ever BBS troll is born

8,000 BC (damn, time goes fast): Egyptian peasant chisels on a wall "Can someone sharpen this damn chisel for me? (reportedly the first use of profanity on a BBS, though unconfirmed). Nobody will reply to his post, however, as the invention of Papyrus would make chiseling obsolete. Peasant would die two years later after stabbing himself in the wrist accidentally with his dull chisel

7,000 BC - Moses writes his dark confession on the first religious BBS: "OK, guys, I'm gonna level with you...There were really 15 commandments, but I accidentally broke one of the tablets...You don't think the big guy will find out, do you? Anyways, they were just dumb commandments about having sex with farm animals. I don't think anybody will really mind

25 AD - Suprisingly enough, the first ever BBS spam is written by a young carpenter: "Leprosy got you down? Having 5,000 guests over for a party but only have five fish? Tired of that same, boring water? Let Jesus help you! Call 555-4GOD for details."

1493: BBS job message boards grow in popularity after the Square Globe company goes out of business and its workers are laid off after the company fails to adapt to new technology

1818: One of the first instances of a joke on a BBS: "Has anybody heard Beethoven's new symphony? Don't worry, neither has he!"

1846: An Irish wife comes up with the idea of posting recipes on a BBS. Her first recipe of potato pancakes is a disaster, however, as Ireland is in the middle of a potato blight that would kill one million people...The woman is beheaded shortly thereafter

1885: George Eastman posts the first nudity on a bbs when he uses his new portable camera to take a picture of his wife with her dress lifted above her knees.

1983: A computer science major at UCLA creates the first BBS on a civilian computer...He has visions of using this new medium to communicate breakthrough ideas and share valuable knowledge with people across the country...His first post is titled "What's your highest Pac Man score?"

1996: A man known only by the mysterious name "Clutch" creates a Houston Rockets fan site with a BBS soon to follow. Why his wife hasn't dumped him yet after spending so many hours on his website and BBS is still a mystery

January 1999: Rockets fan A-Train registers on the clutchcity.net BBS. Hundreds of users groan in agony

December 16, 2001: clutchcity.net poster A-Train gets to 1000 posts. Few remaining Rockets fans that haven't killed themselves in the midst of the Rockets longest losing streak in in 23 years finally pop a cap in their domes after reading this monumental achievement...

Here's to 1000 more (or less)