I've found some of them pretty funny! ********************************************************** THE 6 BEST SMART AR$E ANSWERS OF 2006* *SMART ANSWER NO.6* It was mealtime during a flight on a popular Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. *SMART ANSWER NO.5* Another flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said,"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." *SMART ANSWER NO.4* A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." *SMART ANSWER NO.3* The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolleddown his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. *SMART ANSWER NO.2* A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.>Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." *SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006* A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
True story... My brother-in-law and I were at a restaurant and our dinners were served. A few minutes later… Waiter: How the dinners come out? My brother-in-law: We’ll let you know tomorrow.
Yea - my boys and I just busted a gut as we didn’t see that one coming. I went back and told the wives and his wife just rolled her eyes in embarrassment. It’s a shame when humor like that goes unappreciated. To me, that’s pure genius.
When I first started the job I'm at, I went to the cafeteria to get breakfast. I asked the lady at the counter how big the burritos were. She replied, "Big enough to eat." Needless to say, I've only been back a handful of times in the four years I've been here.
When I was a kid, my dad once asked me about a cup of water I was drinking that had been in my room overnight: "How old is that water?" Me: "FOUR BILLION YEARS OLD."
True story...happened two weekends ago. My lady and I had just finished "intimate relations". She turned to me in bed, looked me in the eyes, and said "Where did you learn how to do it like that?". Right before I was about to answer, she put her hand over my mouth and said "Forget it. I probably don't want to know".
My wife and I were driving past the new Target on Taylor street just near I-10. I should have expected this, since I am the smart aleck one... she's just learning from me or giving me a dose of my own medicine... There was some construction going on near the Target, and I looked at it and saw that they were about to put up the framing for the construction. ME: "I wonder what they're going to put up right there." SHE: "Probably a building."
