twas the night before christmas, and from the north pole to peru nothing was sucking, except for ou the stockings were hung by the broken tv with class in hopes that oklahoma wouldnt blow so much ass the children were nestled all snug in their bed like good oklahomans, the girls give their brothers head and mamma in her kerchief, and i in my confederate flag bandana whats that in your pocket, brother? its no banana when out in the yard, all the stray dogs started to bark i wondered if santa had come to my trailer park away to the window, i flew like a flash i had to step over some live chickens, because im ****ing white trash i looked out the window at all the other trailers it seems the dogs were barking at our drunk ass neighbors but im a proud sooner, so this is everyday life the guy next door was again stabbed by his wife so i grabbed my bag of shrooms and popped open a beer i was now determined to make santa appear i looked in the sky, and what did i see? better than santa, it was the schooner and those little horseys the driver was wearing a visor and had his hand on his knob i knew in a moment it must be coach bob more rapid than water under a dam his coursers they came and his brother mike hollered and shouted and cussed them out by name now bosworth! now selmon! now gundy and thompson! on switzer! on john blake! on najera and sampson! to the top of the trailer, you stupid ****ing ****s to the top of the wall, blake, with your saggy man t*** out of the back of the schooner stepped a beautiful sight from the complexion, hairline, and crooked yelow teeth, i could tell it was jason white i knew that this year, i must have been good beauty and greatness was gracing my neighborhood i invited them in, and tethered my goats to a pole and then for my guests and myslef, i started packing a bowl we broke open the mad dog, schlitz, and colt 45 i was well prepared for this day that i knew would eventually arrive we sang boomer sooner all night, sitting in a circle, holding hands we spoke of the pride of oklahoma: bulk cigarette shops, turquoise jewelry, and roadisde fruit stands i asked why teddy lehman wasnt here, my favorite sooner from the past bob said "hes busy tonight. how do you think santa's sleigh moves so fast?" we spoke of recruiting, he said we got a commitment today but bob said he couldnt talk about it, because of the ncaa barry said "thats never stopped me, bob. please tell us, who is it?" he committed to oklahoma freakshow. not that he lives in oklahoma, and i am the idoit all of a sudden, i awoke, soaked in sweat, with a scream i then realized this was all just a bad dream i ran to the wall where hangs my degree i read it over and over, it said "u ****ing t" i went back to bed with a great sense of relief the scare from my nightmare had only been brief i dreamed the rest of the night about finally winning again in '05 if not in real life, then theres always xbox live plus weve got academics, basketball, baseball, and other sports too many things that cannot be claimed by ou i went to texas so i could make the big bucks what sucks is ou, and ou is what sucks
It's an instant classic. I thought I would copy and paste that in a Word Doc B4 the Thread Lock-editing-censoring-Nazi's blow it up because of the fellatio reference. that was cute.
There's a football team right there in Austin 'Bout 2000 miles southeast of Boston They talked lots of trash Five years they got smashed Mack Brown's job it could end up costin'
I did the Texas OU Song. It's on my myspace page: www.myspace.com/apolloxviii Check it. Paper cuts, lawn darts, soap scum, Broken hearts, AIDS, Ants, Humidity, John Tesh, Stupidity Liars, Lies, Lice, Goth Priapism, Pessimism, The ice monster on Hoth The Price of Gas, the price of rent…the price is Right, the plague The Unabomber, Jeffrey Dahmer, sinusitis, Squeaky brakes Out-of-order ATMS, PMS, MSG, DUI, Double dippers, Floods, flies, flats, fleas All of these things they suck it’s true but none suck more than O.U. Going bald, halitosis, infomercials, notes with post-its, Tom Green, earthquakes, Allergies, rats, snakes Dead beat dads, Celine Dion, car dings, Neon Deon Fabio, rubberneckers, Taxes, faxes, non sequiturs 404, not found converting Dong to British pounds Having back hair, being broke, road rage, Religious cults fraud, crack, warts, Sids, DOS, gnats, war, zits, Rust, debt, guilt, Spam, Asbestos and dishpan hands All of these things they suck it’s true but none suck more than O.U. Hanson, Charles Manson, Hockey, non-stick pans that stick Mistaking cooking powdered chocolate when you want a Nestle Quick Having to work on holidays, hiccups, jock itch, hurricanes Jihad, the 4th Vacation movie, L R. Hubbard, Nazi’s, pain Beggars, Bums, and hobos, paparazzi, pop-up ads Burnt Popcorn, pot holes, propaganda, Botox, bow ties, and boy bands (like New Kidz) Chiggers, cheaters, beepers, and dry heaving in the can The spins, and dander and panhandlers, and dandruff, Rather, Dan
