TERRORIZE YOUR TELEMARKETER 1. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I am so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems. 2. If the caller says he's John Doe from XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name. Then ask him to spell the company name. Then ask where it's located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary. 3. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with iVillage.com..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?" 4. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my gosh! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from. 5. Say "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up. 6. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you couldn't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 7. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it's a telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream "Oh my God!" and hang up. 8. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their home phone number so you can call them back. When the Telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their home number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up. (Thanks to "Seinfeld" for this one!) 9. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. 10. Tell them it is dinnertime, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. 11. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon. How's your momma?" 12. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write down every word ! ------------------
New material for the refrigerator door,thanks Crow ------------------ Mitch Meluskey...The real Slim Shady
Very good and funny list. Speaking of telmarketers, I've found that I usually manage to get them off-topic pretty regularly and end up extending the conversation far longer than I should want to. I still never buy anything, though. I remember getting one lady off on a long conversation about the movie "Serpico" and Al Pacino in general. I can't even remember why we got off on that subject. ------------------ Houston Sports Board The Anti-Bud Adams Page
I like telling them: "No Habla Espanol." They will either comeback with "You speak Spanish?" (dumb reply #1) or they will start speaking spanish to you, even though I just told them I don't speak Spanish. (dumb reply #2) Either way I just reply with: "No habla Espanol" again then "...have a nice day" and hang up. ------------------
I love it!!!!!!!!!!! Don't call my house... I'm going straight down the list... thankyousomuch for posting this cc.. hehehe rockHEAD ------------------ *** THIS SPACE FOR LEASE ***
Here is what I like to do.... Let them get into their sales pitch for 30-45 seconds, and then interrupt them by saying "I have something in the oven" or "I have to put some clothes in the dryer...can you hang on for a second?" When they say yes, put the phone down, crack open a cold beer, and pick up the receiver every minute or so to see if they are still hanging on. If they hang on the line for 10 minutes, simply pick up the receiver and SLAM it down to hang it up. The fun is to see how long they hang on. Hey, if these guys are going to waste my time, then I'm going to waste their time right back! ------------------ I am the b*stard son of LHutz. Huh? Right!
