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Submit your Jazz Jokes here! Best one wins a prize!

Discussion in 'NBA Dish' started by SpaceCity, Apr 15, 1999.

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  1. SpaceCity

    SpaceCity Member

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    Here's a funny one, let's see if i can convert to a Jazz theme.....

    Greg Ostertag, to show his love for his girlfriend Wendy, get's her name tatooed on his *****.

    The following day he is in a restroom. At the urinal next to him is Brian Grant. Looking down, Greg sees the letters W and Y. He goes, "Wow Brian, is your girlfriend's name Wendy, too?"

    Brian says, "What are you talking about?!"

    Greg says, "I noticed the W and Y on your *****. I have the same tatoo."

    Brian laughs and says, "No Greg, it says 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day'!"
     
    #1 SpaceCity, Apr 15, 1999
  2. Jenna

    Jenna Member

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    Rockfan.....just curious, do know the real history behind the nickname, "The Mailman?" Can anyone answer this question?

    ------------------
    Jenna
    Bryce Drew has a roster spot and Eddie Johnson is on the bench in a suit for no apparent reason to us, or him. Things that make you go hmmmmm....
     
    #2 Jenna, Apr 15, 1999
  3. BrianKagy

    BrianKagy Member

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    Bryce Drew hit four huge three-pointers last night and scored a career-high 18 pts. Hmmmmmmmmm....
     
    #3 BrianKagy, Apr 15, 1999
  4. BeamUsUpScottie^^^33

    BeamUsUpScottie^^^33 Member

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    Jenna:
    I believe he was given the nickname after being known to "deliver under heaps of pressure."

    Maybe that's a joke in itself. Take a look at his success in the pressuring times of the last two finals. [​IMG]

    -------------------

    "The Mailman doesn't deliver on Sundays." Or any finals run for that matter...
     
    #4 BeamUsUpScottie^^^33, Apr 15, 1999
  5. Jenna

    Jenna Member

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    Scottie: close, but not quite. It's a little more complicated than that.

    Kagy....I'd still rather see EJ on the floor.

    ------------------
    Jenna
    Bryce Drew has a roster spot and Eddie Johnson is on the bench in a suit for no apparent reason to us, or him. Things that make you go hmmmmm....
     
    #5 Jenna, Apr 15, 1999
  6. AntiSonic

    AntiSonic Member

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    John Stockton and Karl Malone were in bed one night and... wait I don't think I can tell that one here...

    How many Jazz players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two- one to hold the chair by the legs and the other to get two free chances at putting the bulb in after the chair "throws him on the floor."

    Cheezy but oh-so-true to their style.

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    -AntiSonic

    We Will Watch Them Fall.
     
    #6 AntiSonic, Apr 15, 1999
  7. JazzFan

    JazzFan Member

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    Let's get it on ClutchCity! I want to hear your best Jazz jokes? Here's my submission:

    Karl Malone!

    Ha ha, but seriously folks, a Jazz fan walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender yells at him, "Hey, get that thing out of here!" So the parrot says to the Jazz fan, "Sorry pal, you better take off".

    Oh man I got a million of em.



    [Note: This message has been edited by BrianKagy]
     
    #7 JazzFan, Apr 16, 1999
  8. keeley

    keeley Member

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    A trial was being held one sunny June day to determine who would get temporary custody of a young boy following the divorce of his parents. The judge asked the boy if he wanted to live with his mom.

    The reply: "No...she beats me."

    "How about your father?" asked the judge.

    Again: "No...he beats me too."

    After deliberating for a while, the judge decided to send the child to the Utah Jazz.

    They can't beat anyone in June.
     
    #8 keeley, Apr 16, 1999
  9. Rockfan

    Rockfan Member

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    How did Karl Malone get the nickname, "Mailman"?

    He always aspired to be a postal service worker, until he discovered another job where you can show up to work everyday pissed off and still get paid for it.
     
    #9 Rockfan, Apr 16, 1999
  10. JVoss

    JVoss Member

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    Jazz Jokes ... isn't that redundant?
     
    #10 JVoss, Apr 16, 1999
  11. BrianKagy

    BrianKagy Member

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    Jenna-- Drew and EJ don't play the same position. His active roster spot is not necessarily at the expense of EJ.

    If you deactive Drew and activate EJ, who backs up Mobley at the point?

    Let me guess. You think we'd be effective with Pippen at the point and EJ at SF-- or at least contributing minutes at the '3' spot.
     
    #11 BrianKagy, Apr 16, 1999
  12. Will

    Will Clutch Crew
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    Stockton walks into a bar. Ref ignores the walk, calls a blocking foul on the bar.
     
    #12 Will, Apr 16, 1999
  13. IROC it

    IROC it Member

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    Q: How do you drown Karl Malone?

    A: Put a free throw line on the bottom of a twelve foot deep pool. Then when he goes to recite his voo-doo chant at the line...

    Well, that stunk. But it would be one way to stop him from flopping like a fish outta water.

    Q: From Malone's perspective, how many Jazz players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: One, named Karl, and the world revolves around him.

    Okay, that was better. It's hard to take a blonde joke out of context isn't it?

    I like keeley's joke best. [​IMG]
     
    #13 IROC it, Apr 16, 1999
  14. Jovi

    Jovi Member

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    Yeah, Keeley´s jokes are the best!

    ------------------
    -Johannes

    How sweet it is- Werther´s Original
     
    #14 Jovi, Apr 16, 1999
  15. Jenna

    Jenna Member

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    Kagy....I am well aware of that, but do you have any idea how much I dislike Bryce Drew? About as much as most of the people here dislike Karl Malone.

    As for putting Pip at the 1 and EJ at the 3....I do not think so. Pip can take the ball up the court as much as he wants, but he is still more effective with someone a bit more natural at the 1 on the floor with him.

    Pretty much, I don't like Bryce Drew. I'm kinda ticked that Houston signed EJ just to put him on the IR....it makes no sense. I know, I know - he's there "just in case." Don't make the man sit on the bench when he's perfectly capable of playing....heck, with Toronto's movement toward the veteran players, they may have been happy to have given him an active spot.

    ------------------
    Jenna
    Bryce Drew has a roster spot and Eddie Johnson is on the bench in a suit for no apparent reason to us, or him. Things that make you go hmmmmm....
     
    #15 Jenna, Apr 16, 1999
  16. DREAMer

    DREAMer Member

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    Will's joke had me rolling.

    [​IMG]
     
    #16 DREAMer, Apr 18, 1999
  17. IROC it

    IROC it Member

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    :D :D :D
    Blast from the past
     
    #17 IROC it, Jul 21, 2002
  18. Roc Paint

    Roc Paint Member

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    If you don't have suck ass, then you don't have the Jazz...
    Jazz Suck!!
     
    #18 Roc Paint, Jul 21, 2002
  19. pasox2

    pasox2 Member
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    Jazz joke a.

    Q : What time is it?
    A : How much time do we need?

    Most reprehensible Jazz joke :

    Karl Malone - MVP.

    Jazz joke b.

    Greg Ostertag. Sorry, only punchline available at this time.

    Funniest Jazz story of late -

    Olden Polynice - police officer. "Step out of the car, Miss."

    Jazz joke c.

    "Foul!"
     
    #19 pasox2, Jul 21, 2002
  20. Drexlerfan22

    Drexlerfan22 Member

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    How can you tell that the Mailman's getting older?

    A: On his fadeaways, he used to kick people in the chest, now he kicks people in the shins!
     
    #20 Drexlerfan22, Jul 21, 2002
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