Hey, I thought I'd give y'all a little creative diversion so you won't have to spend all day agonizing over the game. I'm going to be performing in a sketch on Thursday (I won't give it away but it has to do with the world's ugliest man) and after talking to Clutch he told me that he's always open to new sketch ideas. So, if y'all have any ideas for sketches either post them here or email them to me at jalfredwhofrock@yahoo.com and I'll pass 'em along. Who knows, you might be the author of a sketch at a future Rockets game. Thanks
Ummm... I don't understand... Are you talking about in-game Rockets sketches, like in time-outs and half-time? Are you affilliated with the Rockets organization in some way? What do you mean by "Clutch is always open to new sketch ideas"? (on this BBS, when you refer to Clutch, you're talking about the bbs Admin. Methinks you're talking about Clutch the Bear). If I interpret your post correctly, what you're saying is... You've been chosen to perform in one of the Rockets' time-out skits. You've talked to Clutch the Bear, and he's always willing to hear of new skits. If we submit ideas to you, you will pass them along to Clutch the Bear when you perform your skit. Does that sound right? -- droxford
Well, if you cant get the Rockets Power Dancers to model some of that lingirie in the Pro Shop we will settle for an encore in the black leather outfits.
Droxford, Yes, in-game time sketches with Clutch the Bear. Sorry if I created confusion. We have a mutual friend, I suggested a sketch, and he liked it a lot. He told me he's open to any more suggestions so I figured I'd field any the board would like.
Okay, I've got one. All you will need is a Speedo, a video Clip of David Hasselhoff running on the beach, some audio of the Baywatch theme song, Clutch, Mini Clutch in an officiating jersey, a basketball, and a guy dressed like a Mav in a Nowitzki Jersey . Here we go. Clutch is dribbling, backing Nowitzki down when does a total flop and Mini Clutch calls the foul. Clutch gets furious, so he wants to try it again, but this time he knocks the crap out of Nowitzki and knocks him out cold. On the video board you cut to a clip of Nowitzki dreaming, and on the video you play a clip of Hasselhoff running on the beach, and after a few second of that, you impose Dirks head on the body to show that is what he is dreaming of, being a terrible actor. Clutch sees this and gets an idea. He runs over to the out cold Nowitski, wakes hims up, rips off his clothes an all he has on underneath is the speedo. Start playing the Baywatch theme song and have the Tundra Dancer dressed in bikinis, chase him off the court. Ending with "Clutch, making dreams come true".
Maybe we start with a game situation in which "Yao" comes in the vicinity of "Dirk" but doesn't touch him. Nevertheless, "Dirk" convulses and flops dramatically to the ground but remarkably, doesn't get the call for a change. The announcer says, "Sorry Dirk, looks like you did not get the call this time." "Cuban" (appropriately dressed in diapers and baby bonnet, is videotaping all of this from his baby stoller and becomes very upset!!! "Dirk" starts to roll "Cuban's" baby stoller over to the refs where it is obvious that "Cuban" is planning on showing the videotape. He is crying like a baby. . . . but just in the nick of time, Clutch the Bear knocks "Cuban" out of his stoller, etc. They stick an oversized pacifer in his mouth to shut him up.
Susan & G.O.A.T. great ideas. Bullard4Life, please take it to clutch the bear and I will almost give anything to see these two skits.
That one's great. The only thing we need is for Clutch to flatten Cuban like he did against the sumo wrestlers the other night.
I think the Sumo slam would be great. I am out of town for the next home game so please let us know if they do any of our suggested skits . . . Another skit could be Clutch the Bear running a Fine Art Gallery, and he's dressed up like an artist with a beret etc. The sign says "Fine Art For Sale". . . .there are 3 or 4 posters covered up and resting on easels so you can't see them. Up comes "Van Gundy" to ask the Bear what art has for sale and maybe the announcer says, "Coach Van Gundy, are you interested in purchasing Clutch's fine art??" Van Gundy nods . . . the Bear uncovers the first poster and its the old Farah in a bathing suit poster (with a price tag on it). . . he uncovers the second, and its a Houston sports icon like Roger Clemens or Hakeem or some Houston sports hero to get the crowd up (with a price tag), and the third is a girl Bear in a bathing suit . . of course . . . (with a price tag). . . But the BIGGEST poster is still covered up. "Van Gundy" pulls out his wallet and starts to look in it while pointing to the BIGGEST poster . . . . the Bear uncovers the now famous T-Mack Dunk poster with Save a Horse/Ride a Mav caption on it . . . .but unfortunately, it has a price tag of $100,000 on it. Van Gundy shows his pockets and wallet are empty so he cannot afford the poster. The announcer says, "What's wrong coach?? Can't you afford the poster?? What a shame!! Somehow that's not right!!" (The "Cuban" character is laughing on the sidelines at the Coach's dilemma, obviously enjoying his predicament.) The Bear now is furious and indicates Van Gundy can have the poster for free -- he's waiving the price tag for Van Gundy and tears up the price tag . . . the announcer says, "Clutch says you deserve this one Coach Van Gundy . . . it's on-the-house with all of our appreciation!!!"
