Are you ready for some football??? Well, sorta. Are you ready for fumbled snaps, dropped passes, missed tackles and the two worst teams in the NFL going at it? That's right, with a combined record of an unblemished 0-8, Washington and Dallas will square off in a mythic Clash of the Pygmies next Monday. Though scientists warn that the combined sucking of the two teams might actually cause the stadium to implode on itself and create a phenomenon known as a "black hole"(or, for basketball fans a "Kevin Willis") the NFL will go ahead with the game anyway. I'll watch this game, if only because its liable to be funnier than anything else on that night, though I don't like thinking that the only thing I have to look forward to is Dan Fout's incisive commentary and Dennis Miller's Encyclopedic football knowledge and the clear cut way he expresses himself to the audience. The Titans, Cowboys and Redskins are all winless. This is a good season.
I'm a Cowboys fan and all, but I wouldn't be able to help myself from laughing if this game ended in a tie and both teams remained winless.
How sad will this game be? Jack Palance will make a special appearance and shed a tear, baffling millions. Thousands will watch Shindler's List afterwards and find it hilarious in comparison. Osama Bin Laden will make a special call to President Bush asking for a truce if this game would simply not be aired. Both teams will astound each other, and set a new precedent by managing to score negative points. The final score will be Dallas: -23 Washington: -25 Washington barely edges out Dallas for the loss.
Tony Banks throws for 6 Touchdowns and rushes 92 yards for another TD juking the whole Dallas Defense on his way And knocks out George Teague on a Interception . Redskins win 49 - 0 . You have to admit it would be hilariously ironic
Remember The Titans Suck The bad thing about this game is that one these teams is actually going to get a win , Hmm a 0-0 Tie is the only good thing that can happen here
Al Michaels: At halftime, it's now Cowboys 0, Redskins 0... Due to the sheer boredom and hilarity of this atrocious matchup, we'll now break away from our regularly scheduled Monday Night Football program to bring you this ABC special report: Watching Paint Dry. Those of you on the West Coast will see "Mary-Kate and Ashley, Vixen Party Sluts." Dennis Miller: Vixen Party Sluts? That's about as family-oriented as a Samuel Gompers AFL speech, circa-1895. Ha ha ha. Dan Fouts: Uh, Dennis, Samuel Gompers did not actually head the American Federation of Labor in 1895. Believe it or not, 1895 was the only year out of his 37 year reign as chairman that he didn't head the AFL. Al Michaels: Actually, Dennis, Dan's absolutely right, except that Gompers served as president for more than 37 years. His local union was reorganized in 1886 as the AFL, so technically, he was also president of said organization from 1874-1886. Dan Fouts: Al, don't forget that the organization was also called The Federation of Organized Trades and Unions between 1881-1886. Al Michaels: Ho, ho. I certainly didn't, Dan... Dennis Miller: ... ... Kiss my ass, both of you...
Washington: 4 (Two safeties as Quincy Carter slips in his own end zone. Dallas: 6 (last second fumble recovery in the end zone with missed PAT.
Gearing up for the momentous clash of the century, Travis has dusted off his favorite Aikman jersey, watched old tapes of Walker Texas Ranger, and downed a case of Bud. Turning to the host, he says, "Cool if I park the Durango on your front lawn?"
